When first asked if I would like to speak at my Mother's Memorial, I declined. I declined several more times during the next few days. I was at a loss of what I could say. What I wanted to say, and how to say it without offending, sounding bitter, and even cold.
Deep in my heart I felt the words stirring. I felt them struggling to the surface. I knew I had to write them out. I had to try and capture what she meant to me all while acknowledging those who made her happy the last few years.
I sat down at my Mother's beautiful marble topped kitchen table. I sat with my back to my oldest son and sister. I tried to block out their chatter over a mobile game on their phones. And somehow, it all fell into place. There on a blue sheet of paper, were my simple words.
The day of the memorial I let the Funeral Director know that I had words in hand. The Chaplain approached me and placed me as the third speaker. I would be the last speaker, I would follow my cousin and her daughter. They spoke beautiful words straight from the heart. Words that added comfort to my heart. To hear how my Mother made them laugh and how they cared for her.
As public speaking goes, I did a little improve, changing the intro and adding in a few words here and there.
I started by thanking all the family and friends in Michigan who reached out to my Mother when she moved there. I thanked them all for making her happy, making her laugh, and taking care of her. It was evident in all that I saw how happy she was. I knew she had finally lived the life she dreamed of.
And then I rolled into my speech.
My love for music was a gift from my mom. For as long as I can remember, she had music playing in the background. Her extensive record collection was the foundation of many great afternoons spent with my sister dancing and singing along to songs that came long before our time. I now know the words to songs from the 50 and 60s all the way up to the present time.
I have an appreciation for Elvis, his music, and his not so great acting. In fact Mother's Day 2005, my sister and I took our Mother to Graceland. We spent the day wandering through museums and gift shops. This was one of my best memories with her.
I haven't always been close to her, but I knew she was there for me in the background. She loved my oldest son unconditionally during the time I struggled to love myself and even him.
We were both full of fire, but we also found a lot of common ground.
Our lives took a turn in 2007 when she moved from Tennessee to Alabama. In a sense that is when I began to know her all while beginning to lose her. I tried to visit her as often as possible. At first it was easy making the drive down there, but then my husband was stationed in West Texas. Over the next several years our relationship evolved to telephone conversations only.
I admit that I didn't try hard enough to find time to visit her. I passed up opportunities to visit her, but I always thought there would be plenty of time. It was my dream to one day be close to her. To have a picture perfect relationship, but in reality that only happened when I was pregnant with my oldest son.
My Mother is a big part of who I am today. I can find her in my inability to neatly pack a suitcase, which was something she excelled at. She is the only person I have ever known that could fold a fitted sheet correctly. She excelled at ironing and using starch with amazing efficiency. She always had a tissue handy and would leave a trail of tissues wherever she went. Her meatloaf is the only meatloaf I have ever loved, and will probably ever eat. The edges were burned to just the right consistency, something I have never mastered. She is the reason I love popcorn. I'll never forget how she would pop up some popcorn almost every night. She is the one who taught me how to expertly hide and secretly eat pringles and chocolate.
I know I wasn't as close to her as I wished to be after she moved from Alabama to Michigan, but she was always in my thoughts.
Dedicated to my Mother Carol L. Smithson February 22 1947-January 17, 2018
also to my aunts, her sisters and all my cousins in Jackson Michigan that loved her and made her happy.
January 28, 2018
