Confessions From an OCD Military Spouse: Anticipation

 On this rainy day in October, I sit at my table with my brain flooded with checklists. 

Checklist one: Get kids started on school today this one is full of all the things I hope we get covered. It also includes a vivid mental image of me getting soaked while picking up the lunches provided by the school.

Checklist Two: Use this few minutes of quiet to answer and send all emails. 

Checklist Three: Virtual meeting to go over platform for online class I will be teaching in a WEEK!

Checklist Four: I really should prepare for said class.

Checklist Five: This is really full and has more of an outline format. Pack up more stuff. What can I pack that we won't miss for nearly two months? Should I turn in 30 day notice on the fence? Do I have enough boxes? When do I start on the kids room? Should I pack more of our clothes? 

I already have a significant portion of our house packed. I began packing way back in September. I waited until my husband started the class that would line us up for this move. I have tried to pack in such a way that it does not affect our functionality as a family. I mean who needs pictures on the wall? 

Now I bet by now you are wondering why I am even packing? Doesn't the Military move us? Of course it does. They also like to damage our belongings and lose things like sleds. But really when the sleds didn't arrive with us here in Kentucky, it was like, okay not such a bad thing. But now, two years later, I am still stewing over those sleds. We are now moving to a snowy state and boy would those sleds come in handy. 

This move we are doing ourselves. This will be us, well me, packing everything. This will be us loading the truck, unloading the truck. This will be a huge move, for only a mere six hours away. 

I want to be prepared. 

I want to have time to go to Tennessee and  visit my family.

Mentally I mapped this all out months ago. Pack early, take the week of Thanksgiving off from school and go home. Do a combined Christmas/Thanksgiving. Give hugs, feel sad, say see ya later and come home. 

Let the crazy begin immediately after. 

Pick up truck that has yet to be scheduled, pack said truck, clear housing and move away. 

Good bye Kentucky, we are off to snowy adventures, not in New Jersey like we were led to believe for weeks. Well, in reality only about two weeks. Hey it is Army life, and everything changes at a moments notice. 

I am stressed to the max

I am trying to remain calm all while facing the many scenarios that an upcoming Military move can throw at you. 

And this time we much find a house. It looks like we won't be renting, but instead buying. So guess what? 

If you guessed that this means another checklist, then you are correct. 

It comes in right under "How to plan a birthday party during Covid" And guess what? That is not going so well. We have settled on having close friends drive by at an appointed time hand them a bag of candy, and calling it a day. We are planning to go a little bigger on gifts to make up for the lack of celebration. I will make cupcakes with the birthday girl and we will celebrate at home as a family. That is what matters the most. 

The rest of the crazy can remain outside, or on a minimized window inside of my brain. 

At the end of the day, we will conquer this upcoming move. We will go over any obstacles that present themselves. I will pray hard that it does not snow as we make our way due North. 

Confessions of a Not so Ordinary Mom: The first 38 Days

 We survived! Or should I say that I survived?

38 LONG days of teaching, learning, overcoming, becoming. The list goes on. 

I have learned, no I am still learning, how to make this all work. How to help each child reach their full potential. 

There have been days of not much getting done, to days of getting it all done. 

Math, now that is a difficult one. I am not a great mathematician. In fact, for me the struggle is real. Were it not for the answer guides, I might not be able to do it at all. Here is the girl who barely passed ninth grade due to failing math, teaching math to her kids. WOW! Thankfully we have my husband who humbly declines the "Math whiz" title. He tutors each of us and helps me out, so that I too can become more proficient. For these kids, I have learned that my daughter is better at math than I thought she was. On the days her little brain is ready to go, she can zip right through one or two lessons. For my son, the struggle is real. I often look across the table at him and wonder how the teachers ever thought he was great at Math. Yes, some areas he is great and so many more he needs guidance and patience and several days to master what is on the page before him.

I am enjoying Language Arts. I love the curriculum we chose for the kids. The ease of use, the amount of handwriting practice, and the art to study within the lessons. Adding in Geography at just the right amount. I see how my kids take to it. Gasping at writing sentences, at getting red ink reminders for punctuation and capitalization. I have yet to write a serious grade in my planner, as I am still figuring out how to grade on Language Arts. They cringe each time I ask them to write names and date at the top of a page. "Neatly" I repeat all day long. "Make it legible" is my other mantra. 

Marine Biology has been a fun breeze for us. Little reading, some gluing together worksheets and a lot of informational videos. YouTube is an amazing resource. Our Marine Biology studies are drawing to a close, and I am working on a small test. 

History Year One has lost me. The study of Egypt was dry and it did not hit on the highlights. The Romans were mentioned in passing. Instead it focused a lot on the Bible. I do think this is good, but for history it was not exactly what I had in mind. We shall muddle through and hope for the best. Next up, a small paper on what they have learned. I hope they can remember it. 

I have both kids working on Spelling. My son right at grade level and my daughter below grade level. Spelling is teaching my son how to see the words and look them up for the meaning. After this, he should be able to place it in the correct usage sentence. I think this is one area he wishes he could skip. I am proud of him for working hard at each weeks lessons and even doing okay on the spelling tests. For my daughter, these small four letter words are perfect for her. They encourage confidence while reinforcing the basics. She has blossomed as a reader since we began distance learning in March. I get to take credit for this progress. I have sat by her and pushed her and slowly she is becoming a little reader. Now to get her to read books for fun. 

Spanish has not been happening like I was hoping it would. I am not fluent and I feel lost on how to teach it. I have done well teaching Hispanic Heritage Month. We have learned about many Hispanic Leaders in the U.S. that have helped shaped the country. So many interesting people that I knew nothing about. I know that right now they are young, and that most of this will just be something they heard, but it is my hope it will stick. We even covered 9/11. I am adding in extra things about notable people or events and this is to build a foundation of knowledge. 

We have had tears. I have yelled. I have felt defeated. I have felt on top of the world. My son has spent long days and even weekends attempting to master something from Math. The tears fall, the frustration flows, and we embrace all the emotions and work through it. By having them here and teaching them here, I am able to see the weak points and help them improve. I am able to see the strong points and help them to excel. 

I struggle with fun. I don't know why I struggle with fun, but I do. I am attempting to improve on this. I have had to adjust our entire schedule multiple times to find what fits. I found what fit for us and then was told that my kids could continue Speech Therapy at their schools due to the IEPs they have. 

I took the opportunity and it threw a huge monkey wrench into our schedule. This was week one, and I pray that week two, which will have four days of bouncing between the schools, goes much smoother. 

In the beginning we had many breaks a day. But these had to go. I could not bring them back on task once they got up and ran around. Now we push through math, break for a tiny snack, come back for LA, Spelling, and Handwriting, and lunch. These kids eat all day long. Sometimes it feels like I am living with two hungry caterpillars. 

Lunch is where I start the break with a YouTube video that is either a notable person or event and they watch this while I get lunch ready. Then I have scaled lunch back from an hour to about 45 minutes. The goal is to be done before 1:30 every day. This is pushing each child and myself right up to our limits. But the end goal for them is screen time. Hours of screen time. My goal is to use this time for a virtual volunteering opportunity that I have. I also enjoy mindlessly scrolling through social media or much more recently looking at all the houses for rent that don't allow pets and are expensive. 

Throughout all of this crazy, I have had kidney stone pain, hospitalized, pain from a stent. My husband has had work issues, and now is in school. I am packing up our house for a potential move. I am doing laundry nearly every day. My short order cook skills are getting up to phenomenal. The needs of my family pushing me to rise every day. Pushing me to give it my best. Unfortunately, I am losing control of my eating habits. My stress eating is through the roof and I am even craving coffee. Though the truth of it is, I would love a cigarette. That is horrible, I know, but this stress can be through the roof some days. I look in the mirror and I see my body shape as okay, then I see my protruding belly that looks as if I am six months pregnant bulging out. I secretly eat anything sweet I can smuggle into this house. You see a problem? I do too. I cannot find the motivation to workout though we have an exercise bike, a treadmill, a great area to walk the dogs or ride a bike. I am failing at this. I am letting myself go.  

In the background is the election noise. The social unrest. The desire to change the world through educating my kids and becoming a better person. I have my absentee ballot and I plan to send it in soon. That is one great way to be a part of the push for change. 

My favorite tv shows are a thing of the past. I long for the days of quiet time to use toward just watching a show. I could still do this, but with kids at home it is continuous pausing in order to address their needs, issues, and diffuse the situations between them. With a tiny girl screeching at her brother who I am sure is antagonizing her when I am not looking, it is hard to get peace some days. 

But this has been a great 38 days. I am counting down the days until our November break. I am aware that November break brings about see you laters and change and a new house and a big adventure. I am am ready to face the next 38 days. 

October 1, 2020