In the Spring of 1998 I purchased a 1996 Ford Ranger. The day I test drove it I knew it was for me. I could feel it calling my name. I was a young 20 almost 21 year old divorce. I was soft, sad, hurt, angry, and ready to sow some wild oats and through this truck I channeled it all. I drove it all over town, down back roads. I knew the ins and outs of this truck. I knew how fast it would handle around blind curves, how far it would go on a tank of gas. I loved to keep the windows down and the one in the back open. For a brief spell I even kept the tailgate down. This truck saw the best and the worst of me. I had blonde hair, various shades of red hair, black hair and blonde hair. I was cruising, I loved to party, I felt on top of my game. Bowling, drinking, Ruby Tuesdays for margaritas. I was running from the hurt. I wanted to be better than I ever was. I was smoking, I felt beautiful. And then I got pregnant. And a darkness began to creep up on me. I tried so very hard to go down the right path but the path wasn't an easy one to follow, and I lost my way. I had this truck until my son was almost six years old. It became my refuge when at one point I hit depression so bad that I couldn't bring myself to go home. The emptiness was strangling me. I was terrified of my son, and the alcohol was only helping so much. By the time I sold this truck, I had outgrown it. Shame on me, but when I had this truck there was a span of several years where I left the bar barely able to stand and by the good grace of God I made it home each and every time without hurting myself or anyone else. I drove this truck fast I drove it like there was no tomorrow. Behind the wheel I was in control and I knew exactly how to get what I wanted. I was good I was bad, I was caring and I was selfish.
After selling my truck I bought a Chevrolet Blazer. I drove this like a tank, with an attitude of invincibility. I drove it fast, I ran stop signs. I was even pulled over in my son's school parking lot for having disregarded the stop sign and school zone. I made my son's day that day. I drove this for three years. Three very reckless years. Toward the end of owning this I did finally manage to clean up my life for a short spell. I slipped down a slippery slope which in turn brought me to causing a very bad accident coincidentally just after dropping my son off from day care. The thing with this was, I drove it, I owned it, but I let the hard exterior fool me into thinking that I could not be stopped. I bought my first house just after buying this Blazer. I left a job selling Cellular Phones because it was overtaking my life and I was struggling to pull away from the bars from being eye candy. I wanted to focus on my son and I found God again. Then I took a job at this little doctor's office, they knew me there from my bar/party reputation. I wanted to have fun with them, but I didn't really fit in. I couldn't really get along with the office manager. I hated being around the sick people. I was finally fired. A very humbling experience that led me back to God. By the time I totaled it, I was trying to find my way back from the bottom of a gully. I wanted to be free, I wanted God to love me again. Totaling this Blazer I am sure was another part of God's great plan in getting me to where I am today.
After totaling the Blazer I needed a car quick. I wanted something smaller and better on gas. I had no idea that within a year this purchase would pay off. I settled on it because it was affordable, only a year old and small. So I ended up with a 2007 Saturn Ion. This car has been with my husband and I since the very beginning of our relationship. We drove this car to Nashville for Immigration appointments, we drove it to Nashville to see our son when he was in the hospital there. We drove it to see my Mom in Alabama. In fact this car made close to 10 round trips to Alabama, two of those trips also involved trips into Western Georgia. It made 2 round trips to Virginia. 2 round trips to El Paso. This Saturn has pulled a small U-Haul trailer, had a luggage rack and a luggage bag on it, and fully loaded the last trip to El Paso. When I was staying in Tennessee while my husband was deployed I drove this car on no less than 3 round trips to Nashville a week. This little car could drive one way to Nashville or back with a fuel light on. It drives well in the snow. I love the way it is small enough to hang a decent U-Turn, something I am quite good at. I love the way it can get into small spaces. I love the way it can be pushed when I am in a hurry. It handles well at high speeds, it handles well in near misses. It is an all around good car. We finally paid it off and we take very good care of it. We actually use it more than our minivan because it gets better gas mileage and some of the places we go here in El Paso have such tiny parking lots, so this does nicely.
Why did I share a story about three vehicles? Because each one was a part of my journey. Maybe even a part of who I am. They felt to me like an extension of myself. I remember the day I sold my truck, I remember how I nearly cried to see it go. The day I totaled the blazer I felt empty and down in the dumps. Because you see at that time I had know God's love and I let satan tempt me and because of that choice I was in a hurry about to be late to work and having forgot my son's lunch for the third time that week. I wasn't on top of my game at all. The Saturn was resignation. Getting things back into the positive beginning a new journey as a wife and a new mom.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His names sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For you are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all he days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
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