It Could Have Been So Different

It all began in April,
  The day a whirlwind of emotions was created.

Tired I was from the grueling grind of day by day.
  Frustrated over something that soon became unimportant.

When one Video Call with a  spouse across the globe became so much more.

As the call began it was all normal. I was sure my husband was going to recover from this cracked rib. I was still a little perturbed at him for having played soccer in the first place due to his bum knee. He is a man after all, and what sounds good in the moment is very often not so great in the long run. Of course this isn't always the case.

Words tumbling out, in my house chaos runs rampant and BAM time stood still.

My husband began to explain that the pain in his side was in fact not caused by a cracked rib, but a mass. A MASS IN HIS CHEST. My stomach lurched, I am fairly certain for mere moments the floor fell from beneath my feet.

The questions pushed up and out of me, but I knew the answers, I knew even in his confusion, that any doctor he would see next would be an oncologist. He was saying that the mass was close to his lung, it was black, it was huge, it was possibly in his throat. How can this be? What the hell happened?

I begin to see scenarios in my head, smoke exposure from his childhood in Mexico? But how? How could it be so bad that it looks like he smokes?

After the call I cried a lot. I screamed at the walls. I ranted to friends. I PRAYED hard! I instantly began posting on my facebook group pages, begging for prayers. It became my way to grasp sanity.

I was falling apart. I was barely able to workout at the gym because it felt as if I was doing it for nothing. I felt the walls of my house closing in upon me. Yet I continued to Pray. I continued to ask for prayers.

Answers were slow to come, and when they came they bounced from positive to negative to unsure, until he got word that he would need surgery.  Then that began another few weeks of ups and downs tears and arguments.

Routines at home were falling to the wayside. I wanted to eat so much ice cream and cry on the couch, but I couldn't.

Then it was he would go to Hawaii for surgery. He would go alone. Then he was nervous and sad and wishing I could go. I am trying to push that thought away, nope not me. I am not flying, I am not leaving my kids.

By the time it was all said and done from April to the beginning of May, I did go. My mother-in-law came to stay with the kids. I left my sweet baby boy on his birthday to fly on an airplane. I crossed over the line of my fears and into the unknown paradise that was awaiting me.

And then I ended up with 25 glorious days with just my husband all expenses paid.

He is okay. It was an old burned out infection that is now gone. A sample from it is growing as I type in a petri dish in Hawaii. But we know it was not cancer. We know it was through the power of prayer that this turned out the way it did, and we are so very thankful.