Confessions of a Not so Ordinary Mom: Here I am

 Let's start here, we survived the holidays, we survived a move, we survived all the variables that could have made it all go sideways. 

Homeschooling came to a stop the week of Thanksgiving. We were ready and eager to head to Tennessee to see our families before we moved North. This almost did not happen due to exposure to Covid the week before that week. We were tested and we quarantined until we were sure that we did not have it and our results came back. Our trip was shortened in order to keep all parties safe. It was a quick trip and I did not get to visit all my favorite hometown places. We had fun. The kids loved having and early Christmas, we loved good conversation, laughs and food. 

Home. 

That is when the crazy began to creep in on us. We were in an in between place. Pretty much everything that could be packed, was packed. I learned that my husband and I had entirely too much clothing and shoes. My inward panic of what I might have to leave behind ensued. It turned out to be justified panic. 

When go time arrived we woke up early, headed out to pick up our moving truck, a small snafu with the payment, but quickly worked itself out. Back to post to weigh the truck and get it loaded. My husband had this vision of not needing much help, because he was sure we did not have much. 

Let me tell you, his vision did not pan out. Thankfully we cooked taco meat in the crockpot while we loaded. I attempted to clean while loading happened, but in reality I spent much of the afternoon hauling stuff outside and putting in in piles. Our neighbors came over to help up load and even clean. They brought friends and then another neighbor joined us. 

It was a long day. It was still a fun day. I did not feel sad, more eager and panicked that we were not making the progress we had hoped to make. The reality is that I ended up parting with my favorite giant cube shelf, one book shelf broke, another was not stable enough to make the move. The play house my FIL had built for the kids also had to be left behind. My husband looked on and I know he felt the loss too as we had both assured each other that house and that shelf would make it on the truck. 

I cleaned late into the night, but it was not done. We still had stuff to load. We crammed as much as we could into the car we were towing. The next morning we woke up cooked a quick breakfast, pulled the last of the stuff outside into the yard. We had to sign out at 11. 

When 11 rolled around all my house plants, the dog kennel, and other items were still in the yard. I was finishing up mopping. The lady came in and commented that we looked rushed and on top of that the original damage report that we submitted at move in was no where in our file. I told my neighbor who was watching from her porch, that if it came down to it, I would pull everything out of the car to find our copy. It did not come to that thankfully. She tried her attitude. She even said cabinets that had been wiped down only hours earlier were dirty. I tried to reign in my crazy, and we got them wiped. She gave us a clear report and we were free of that house. 

We stood outside and finished cramming stuff into the truck, van, and car. That afternoon we grabbed fast food and went to a park. Later at the hotel, we got the kids a pizza. I headed back to our neighborhood to pick up dogfood for our dogs because ours was packed who knew where. Another neighbor had also baked cookies for us to take on the road. 

The drive up the following day was not so bad outside of the rain. It seemed as if every time we hit a big city it would rain harder. Michigan was cold. We arrived at our storage shed, grabbed fast food and started unloading in the cold. We did this until nearly 8pm. Our poor kids were so tired, so cold. Our pups were frantic not wanting to stay in the van, but not wanting to be outside. It was sleeting and we were so tired. We had to go back the next day, and on Monday we had to rent a second smaller unit to put the rest of our stuff.

Military moving companies would be proud of us as we broke two lamps, and a lot of dishes. 

We lived in a hotel for 9 long days. It was nice. We tried to cook on the hot plate, our griddle and crockpot, but really we ate out a lot. We argued with each other. The kids were cranky, the dogs were nervous. 

On the Wednesday after our arrival we signed the paperwork for our house, but it would not fully be ours until the following Monday. 

We managed to find Santa and Mrs. Klaus in Kalamazoo and it was a no touch event. That made me feel more like normal was coming back into the picture. 

Moving day we got another truck and headed back to the storage shed. We spent that entire day loading everything we could onto that truck and by 3:50pm we were heading to our home. It was nearly 9 when we finally stopped unloading that truck. There was no internet, but we had pizza. 

That Tuesday we took the truck back, picked up breakfast. After eating I became sick and spent part of my first full day in our house vomiting and sleeping. That pizza did me in. I did manage to pull myself together and start unpacking. 

We decided to work hard, but take Christmas off. It was a welcome break. Visiting my Aunt was the highlight of that day. 

By the following Sunday we were pretty much unpacked. 

We had argued, I had convinced myself that our marriage couldn't possible survive. 

To top it all off, one of our main arguments was about how often I dust, vacuum, mop, and clean in general. A lot of our furniture was dusty as neighbors helped us carry it out. That was embarrassing to him especially when one of them commented on my dusting skills. Wife fail, I guess. 

So here we are. Holidays over, and everyone back at it. 

School started right after the new year, we are on week two. Hubby is at his new job, week two of training. He will be working late. I have already realized that this will work in my favor. I have decided to carve about 2 hours a night for just myself. 

The kids and I are cleaning every single day. Dusting will be done once a week. Toilets and sinks daily, and showers 3 days a week. I set up a schedule for the kids and I. 

Did I mention that week one was exhausting? 

We love our house though. It is perfect for us, though it is drastically lacking in closet space and walls to hang pictures. Our basement has a nice collection of things we will not use here, and extra things from the kitchen. 

We are settling in quite well, though I feel as if I will never make friends. I miss my friends in Kentucky. I miss having neighbors to wave at or holler a hello to when you go outside. I do not hear helicopters, or the training artilleries fire from the Military installation. There are no dogs barking, no cars loudly driving down the road at all hours of the night and early mornings.  

At some point, we will go out and find a church, go more places than my Aunts, or Kalamazoo, or the grocery store. 

Here is to new beginnings. 

Confessions From an OCD Military Spouse: Anticipation

 On this rainy day in October, I sit at my table with my brain flooded with checklists. 

Checklist one: Get kids started on school today this one is full of all the things I hope we get covered. It also includes a vivid mental image of me getting soaked while picking up the lunches provided by the school.

Checklist Two: Use this few minutes of quiet to answer and send all emails. 

Checklist Three: Virtual meeting to go over platform for online class I will be teaching in a WEEK!

Checklist Four: I really should prepare for said class.

Checklist Five: This is really full and has more of an outline format. Pack up more stuff. What can I pack that we won't miss for nearly two months? Should I turn in 30 day notice on the fence? Do I have enough boxes? When do I start on the kids room? Should I pack more of our clothes? 

I already have a significant portion of our house packed. I began packing way back in September. I waited until my husband started the class that would line us up for this move. I have tried to pack in such a way that it does not affect our functionality as a family. I mean who needs pictures on the wall? 

Now I bet by now you are wondering why I am even packing? Doesn't the Military move us? Of course it does. They also like to damage our belongings and lose things like sleds. But really when the sleds didn't arrive with us here in Kentucky, it was like, okay not such a bad thing. But now, two years later, I am still stewing over those sleds. We are now moving to a snowy state and boy would those sleds come in handy. 

This move we are doing ourselves. This will be us, well me, packing everything. This will be us loading the truck, unloading the truck. This will be a huge move, for only a mere six hours away. 

I want to be prepared. 

I want to have time to go to Tennessee and  visit my family.

Mentally I mapped this all out months ago. Pack early, take the week of Thanksgiving off from school and go home. Do a combined Christmas/Thanksgiving. Give hugs, feel sad, say see ya later and come home. 

Let the crazy begin immediately after. 

Pick up truck that has yet to be scheduled, pack said truck, clear housing and move away. 

Good bye Kentucky, we are off to snowy adventures, not in New Jersey like we were led to believe for weeks. Well, in reality only about two weeks. Hey it is Army life, and everything changes at a moments notice. 

I am stressed to the max

I am trying to remain calm all while facing the many scenarios that an upcoming Military move can throw at you. 

And this time we much find a house. It looks like we won't be renting, but instead buying. So guess what? 

If you guessed that this means another checklist, then you are correct. 

It comes in right under "How to plan a birthday party during Covid" And guess what? That is not going so well. We have settled on having close friends drive by at an appointed time hand them a bag of candy, and calling it a day. We are planning to go a little bigger on gifts to make up for the lack of celebration. I will make cupcakes with the birthday girl and we will celebrate at home as a family. That is what matters the most. 

The rest of the crazy can remain outside, or on a minimized window inside of my brain. 

At the end of the day, we will conquer this upcoming move. We will go over any obstacles that present themselves. I will pray hard that it does not snow as we make our way due North. 

Confessions of a Not so Ordinary Mom: The first 38 Days

 We survived! Or should I say that I survived?

38 LONG days of teaching, learning, overcoming, becoming. The list goes on. 

I have learned, no I am still learning, how to make this all work. How to help each child reach their full potential. 

There have been days of not much getting done, to days of getting it all done. 

Math, now that is a difficult one. I am not a great mathematician. In fact, for me the struggle is real. Were it not for the answer guides, I might not be able to do it at all. Here is the girl who barely passed ninth grade due to failing math, teaching math to her kids. WOW! Thankfully we have my husband who humbly declines the "Math whiz" title. He tutors each of us and helps me out, so that I too can become more proficient. For these kids, I have learned that my daughter is better at math than I thought she was. On the days her little brain is ready to go, she can zip right through one or two lessons. For my son, the struggle is real. I often look across the table at him and wonder how the teachers ever thought he was great at Math. Yes, some areas he is great and so many more he needs guidance and patience and several days to master what is on the page before him.

I am enjoying Language Arts. I love the curriculum we chose for the kids. The ease of use, the amount of handwriting practice, and the art to study within the lessons. Adding in Geography at just the right amount. I see how my kids take to it. Gasping at writing sentences, at getting red ink reminders for punctuation and capitalization. I have yet to write a serious grade in my planner, as I am still figuring out how to grade on Language Arts. They cringe each time I ask them to write names and date at the top of a page. "Neatly" I repeat all day long. "Make it legible" is my other mantra. 

Marine Biology has been a fun breeze for us. Little reading, some gluing together worksheets and a lot of informational videos. YouTube is an amazing resource. Our Marine Biology studies are drawing to a close, and I am working on a small test. 

History Year One has lost me. The study of Egypt was dry and it did not hit on the highlights. The Romans were mentioned in passing. Instead it focused a lot on the Bible. I do think this is good, but for history it was not exactly what I had in mind. We shall muddle through and hope for the best. Next up, a small paper on what they have learned. I hope they can remember it. 

I have both kids working on Spelling. My son right at grade level and my daughter below grade level. Spelling is teaching my son how to see the words and look them up for the meaning. After this, he should be able to place it in the correct usage sentence. I think this is one area he wishes he could skip. I am proud of him for working hard at each weeks lessons and even doing okay on the spelling tests. For my daughter, these small four letter words are perfect for her. They encourage confidence while reinforcing the basics. She has blossomed as a reader since we began distance learning in March. I get to take credit for this progress. I have sat by her and pushed her and slowly she is becoming a little reader. Now to get her to read books for fun. 

Spanish has not been happening like I was hoping it would. I am not fluent and I feel lost on how to teach it. I have done well teaching Hispanic Heritage Month. We have learned about many Hispanic Leaders in the U.S. that have helped shaped the country. So many interesting people that I knew nothing about. I know that right now they are young, and that most of this will just be something they heard, but it is my hope it will stick. We even covered 9/11. I am adding in extra things about notable people or events and this is to build a foundation of knowledge. 

We have had tears. I have yelled. I have felt defeated. I have felt on top of the world. My son has spent long days and even weekends attempting to master something from Math. The tears fall, the frustration flows, and we embrace all the emotions and work through it. By having them here and teaching them here, I am able to see the weak points and help them improve. I am able to see the strong points and help them to excel. 

I struggle with fun. I don't know why I struggle with fun, but I do. I am attempting to improve on this. I have had to adjust our entire schedule multiple times to find what fits. I found what fit for us and then was told that my kids could continue Speech Therapy at their schools due to the IEPs they have. 

I took the opportunity and it threw a huge monkey wrench into our schedule. This was week one, and I pray that week two, which will have four days of bouncing between the schools, goes much smoother. 

In the beginning we had many breaks a day. But these had to go. I could not bring them back on task once they got up and ran around. Now we push through math, break for a tiny snack, come back for LA, Spelling, and Handwriting, and lunch. These kids eat all day long. Sometimes it feels like I am living with two hungry caterpillars. 

Lunch is where I start the break with a YouTube video that is either a notable person or event and they watch this while I get lunch ready. Then I have scaled lunch back from an hour to about 45 minutes. The goal is to be done before 1:30 every day. This is pushing each child and myself right up to our limits. But the end goal for them is screen time. Hours of screen time. My goal is to use this time for a virtual volunteering opportunity that I have. I also enjoy mindlessly scrolling through social media or much more recently looking at all the houses for rent that don't allow pets and are expensive. 

Throughout all of this crazy, I have had kidney stone pain, hospitalized, pain from a stent. My husband has had work issues, and now is in school. I am packing up our house for a potential move. I am doing laundry nearly every day. My short order cook skills are getting up to phenomenal. The needs of my family pushing me to rise every day. Pushing me to give it my best. Unfortunately, I am losing control of my eating habits. My stress eating is through the roof and I am even craving coffee. Though the truth of it is, I would love a cigarette. That is horrible, I know, but this stress can be through the roof some days. I look in the mirror and I see my body shape as okay, then I see my protruding belly that looks as if I am six months pregnant bulging out. I secretly eat anything sweet I can smuggle into this house. You see a problem? I do too. I cannot find the motivation to workout though we have an exercise bike, a treadmill, a great area to walk the dogs or ride a bike. I am failing at this. I am letting myself go.  

In the background is the election noise. The social unrest. The desire to change the world through educating my kids and becoming a better person. I have my absentee ballot and I plan to send it in soon. That is one great way to be a part of the push for change. 

My favorite tv shows are a thing of the past. I long for the days of quiet time to use toward just watching a show. I could still do this, but with kids at home it is continuous pausing in order to address their needs, issues, and diffuse the situations between them. With a tiny girl screeching at her brother who I am sure is antagonizing her when I am not looking, it is hard to get peace some days. 

But this has been a great 38 days. I am counting down the days until our November break. I am aware that November break brings about see you laters and change and a new house and a big adventure. I am am ready to face the next 38 days. 

October 1, 2020

Confessions of a Not so Ordinary Mom: Kidney Stones

 Our homeschool journey has been going much better than I anticipated. My youngest, whom I expected to be the hardest to teach is actually thriving. My middle child is struggling. His ability to work diligently or with a minimum amount of daydreaming is dragging him down.

The last month has been a true blessing. It has been fun learning along side of the kids. It is amazing to watch their self confidence build. My daughter is now reading at a much better pace than when we started distance learning in March. Her math skills are blossoming. My son is doing well learning his state capitals and even his handwriting is improving. 

Both kids are getting much better at their daily chores. We are finding a harmony and making things work in a way that even I did not expect. We have had some tears and we have overcome them. There are days that we don't accomplish much of what I was hoping to accomplish. Days where youtube is our teacher. And so many days where I wonder if I am doing enough. My husband always assures me that I am doing a great job. 

And then out of the blue I began to have pain in my lower back. I knew what was coming, though I tried to deny it and push through. Ultimately I ended up in the hospital over a weekend. Thankfully, my husband was able to get a week to work at home. That was a glorious week of tandem teaching. Even he admitted that teaching the kids could be exhausting as well as rewarding. The Monday of that week, my husband was solo. I sent him all the passwords and gave him a rundown of what should occur. He tackled it like a boss!

The next two weeks, I had to manage my pain levels and fatigue all while teaching and running the household. That is when we began cutting our days super short. I needed a nap in order to have the strength to tackle dinner. Once I got the stint exchanged for a new one and kidney stone removed, I was back at it. 

I know that homeschool is to reflect flexibility. I know that it is okay to day a day off. I did give the kids and myself one day off, the day of my surgery. 

By the following day I dragged myself out of bed and forced myself to work through the uncomfortable. I made a many trips to pee and it was distracting for both the kids and and I, but we pushed through. By lunch it was obvious that I would not be able to continue. We watched a Sea Turtle Video and several videos on Cesar Chavez. Then we called it a day. 

Today I felt better and I started the kids earlier than normal so we could push through. We managed to get everything done that I wanted done in a timely manner. 

It is hard being a homeschool parent and having medical issues. You have have to work through the pain or discomfort and get things done. You have to know when to stop and when to give yourself a break. 

Here is to overcoming the odds!

September 17 2020

Confessions from a Not So Ordinary Mom: Homeschool

 We will start with this: Yes, I did say I would NEVER homeschool any of my children. But then again it is 2020, and here we are. I am Homeschooling my youngest two children. 

I began to consider this option when distance learning was going strong, wearing me down, bringing me low. The kids and I were exhausted with the routine, exhausted with each other. I noticed that my middle son was struggling with nearly everything. Why can't my then second grader read at a Kindergarten Level? It began to pile up. 

The pros and cons list came out. Pros, I could get my son caught up, because in the beginning it was only going to be him. Then I was considering that upcoming move that still is not in the books for us. So that got me thinking more about my daughter. Then May happened. Glorious May with the seemingly great PTO meeting that ended in disaster. Well, really emotional disaster. Anyway, I decided for my mental health I needed to homeschool my children. 

How on earth does homeschooling help with mental health? Well, I needed a break from the people around me. Not so much in my neighborhood, and not all of those I met during various activities I participated in . I needed a break from putting on a face and struggling to fit into a box. See, I am really a rebel at heart, and as I near my mid-forties I am realizing that I don't fit inside of a box. That I am like air filling up a balloon and at any moment I could burst. 

I need to find the new me, as I am sure that this is yet another metamorphosis. When this is all over I will be a new version of me. I need to come to terms with this bubbling rage that is right below the surface. I need to come to terms with the fact that I am not the conservative that I thought I was. I need to find myself in the midst of it all. 

But this decision felt right. I started the research. I reached out to friends who were homeschooling pros. I reached out to those I thought might have insight even though I didn't think it would be beneficial to me. I read reviews of curriculum after curriculum. I weighed out what was important to me. I then opened that bank account and let that money pay for the education that I know my children deserve. I found resources, I found support. I found a whole new community. 

All of this is directly in response to our current world situation. I did not want to send my kids to school knowing that mask wearing was a struggle to them. I also did not want to send them and then have them come back home to distance learn. To be brutally honest, distance learning was a horrible nightmare. The routine didn't work, the Google meets were horrendous for the most part. I knew that we would not survive another round of distance learning. I also knew that the transition from school to distance learning would be hard on my son. We needed stability. We needed our home. 

We have slowly begun to venture out. We have visited Tennessee. We avoid Walmart. I finally went inside of an Aldis for the first time since March. But really, I have begun to lay the foundation of teamwork and family unity. I am teaching the kids that for this to work we need to be a team. And so far it is working. 

They have picked up more chores. Now this isn't anything too big. Just daily vacuuming and mopping, changing bathroom trash bags and keeping your room clean. Rewards are extra screen time that even Mommy needs you to have. 

I have avoided sending my son to school with a mask, hearing aides, and glasses. I have avoided sending my overly social daughter to a school with kids that might not talk to her because their mommy doesn't like me. Trust me, it is better this way. 

So homeschooling started a week ago. I made us a schedule that we stuck to like glue for two days. By day three I was tweaking it. And now here we are, what schedule? I see that they both need extra LA and Math, so we work on the two for nearly 2 hours each morning. I give breaks, we play the math games. We try to do typing each day, and certainly Spanish. Marine Biology has become shark week. I am still processing how to teach the History we have. It is Biblical based, but not so much as to be overwhelming. It is heavy on the reading, and it is most certainly white washed. My compromise on that is to teach for Hispanic Heritage month and Black History Month. I will find other things to add in. 

I am satisfied with our decision. I like the fun supplies we purchased. They are working with me. They are finding a groove. Together we are doing this. 

Unraveling

Hard year, from March to June.
 Normalcy gone.
Relax, but not true relax.

Friendship, slowly, mixed with children's laughter.
Late nights, bonfires, talking, talking, talking.

What happened?
Where did I go and how did I end up here?

In this place of deep regret tinged with deep embarrassment and a loss of a brief moment in time.

I am an adult.

I am

What? What am I?

Saved? Should be

Swear like a sailor, like I am uneducated, covered.

The f bomb always ready to drop

Cultured? Wasn't I?

Sweet, I was.

Anger welling up inside of me, like a red hot wave of lava

I must live with my decisions.

I must live with what I did.

Remorse? yes, a tiny bit so, possibly not so much as I should have though

Darkness? yes, the light inside of me is getting harder to see

Where can I find myself? Church? Haven't been in months
Bible's by my bed, read them, probably not.

I am truly lost and I

I don't know what to do or where to go from here.

Continue to grow is all that I can do

The Chronicals of a Not So Ordinary Mom: Unfriended

Unfriended, that should not be, but can be a powerful word. You tell yourself that it doesn't really matter, but then it happens to you and it does matter. Then you tell yourself you are being silly, but you feel this sick feeling deep inside.

I was unfriended. Honestly it should not have been a surprise, but it was, and it did hurt, deeply.

The elementary PTO came to an end with a social distancing transition meeting. I was excited to see my current board mates and the incoming board. I was excited to share my experiences and to suggest a few changes. The former VP had asked if anyone would be wearing a mask, I said that I would, but I didn't unless I was talking directly to her during the meeting. While at the meeting I happened to notice that the VP had sent a message to me saying she would sit next to me during the meeting because I would wear a mask. I felt horrible. I had let her down. After the meeting I sent her a message letting her know that I admired her for sticking to her beliefs. She had worn her mask all during the meeting. I also let her know that I valued her opinion. I already had this feeling that this woman that I admire and think of as a friend, was thinking I was wishy washy and not good at keeping my word. This haunted me all the next day after the meeting.

Upon arrival, I was gifted a beautiful tumbler with my name on it, one that has since become a petty sticking point sitting on my counter. I had forgotten my camp chair and therefore pulled a reusable bag from my van to sit on. I had my mask with me and my suggestion list. The air was cooling down from unbearable humid and the distant sound of children playing and passing cars filled the empty silence as we waited in the church parking lot for everyone to arrive.

For many months now I had sensed a shift in my relationship with the current President. It started so simply when I found out about Drama Club at the school. I was confused how she didn't mention why my daughter wasn't signed up as our daughters were somewhat friends. It had seemed like an oversight and almost intentional. I got the information contact and was able to add my daughter to the club, but almost from that moment way back in the early months of the year, it had felt like we were beginning to walk separate paths. And really that is normal. People grow and change and it is nothing to be sad about, it is part of our personal growth.

At one point I had been at a school board meeting where it was brought up that our elementary school had a lot of outstanding lunch debt. This is one of my issues that I hold close to my heart. I do not believe any kid, despite family income, should have to pay for lunch or breakfast. I brought it up to the President and when it shifted from my inquiry how can we help, to her answer "Well I bet that is all of the E9s who are lazy and don't want to pay" I know I became defensive when I answered, because I really don't believe that to be the case. I live in a neighborhood designated for the lower ranks. It became a tad heated as I voiced my concerns and even my own experience. You see there was once a time my oldest did not have lunch money. As a single mom I worked and I did not qualify for the free lunch program. When I got married and added a child I really did not qualify. There were many times my son had no lunch money. The school he went to, they were strict on the "no money, no food" rule. He would be given bread with peanut butter or the principle would buy his lunch that day and send home a note about how she had to pay for him to eat and blah blah. The irony of the situation was that his school was like this one, it was sitting in the middle of a wealthy neighborhood, and it was a small school, so they knew our situation, but they did not reach out with compassion. Instead they ignored or ridiculed or said non helpful things like "why don't you apply for free lunch?"

 Anyway, I know this moment was a for sure turning point. It was the moment I found my voice. It was the moment I realized that I am able to vocalize and to stand my ground for my beliefs. Our last in person meeting also had a moment where I stood my ground for what I believe. I stand with the underdog. I stand with those who do not have the means to provide what their families need. I stand with those who are not popular. After the meeting the Secretary reached out and said that I had been passionate and that she had never seen me like that. My voice had been heard, but it obviously put another crack in the one friendship.

So the transition meeting commences and I listen to the President spinning herself in this easy going easy to work with light. In a way that I know was not always the reality. I listened to her cut off the VP that she had often clashed with. I heard her say she had taken the suggestion from the Secretary that I know she completely blew off. I am sitting there in disbelief and wondering what my fellow board mates are thinking and how the new board is interpreting her words. Only one of us from the current board will be on the board next year. She is a sweet lady, but one I have never fully trusted as instinct says she only agrees with the one she is currently engaging with. I know she is good friends with the President and I have zero issues with this. But I have also talked with her and heard her passion and her great ideas, only to arrive at meetings and hear her say "You know M and I have already talked about this and this is what we think" Because her And M they always talk and make decisions and then at meetings it is "Should I go ahead and mention that or wait?" It was almost like they had meetings before meetings to align themselves before they brought it up with the rest of the board. At those meetings I would be looking at the other two and wondering if they too thought they had missed something. Again I digress.

When the subject of our Spirit Wear fundraiser is brought up, I add my suggestions of inclusivity. I knew this was not a popular thing for the President. But this goes back to my first month with kids at the school. We arrived in late October. My kids started school that last week. They missed picture day at this school and the ones they left. So anyway, my kids come home talking about not getting a spirit prize. I am confused about this and as I am going to a Popcorn Friday, I bring this up at the event. The girl I spoke to explained to me that you must have current year school shirt to get a prize and they were not sure yet if they would do a second order. So I was immediately confused and asked how could my kids participate because, well we were new here. There were no shirts left in their size, so they could wear blue on those days and get a prize. I mentioned that I thought it was kind of like a money scheme, which did not gain me much grace with this girl. That is when the idea blossomed that I would like to be on the board. That I would like to make this my cause. No kid should be left out. Fast forward to becoming a board member and having inclusivity shot down once again. That and the fact that no one wanted to have volunteers be able to log volunteer hours into the Army's VMIS system, those became two sticking points. Well, to be honest, more like bug bites that you can't quit scratching. I did not like Spirit Friday's just for the fact that I now knew that some of these families were moving, had just moved here, or had multiple kids. Each time I broached the subject I was met with "Well, that is not our problem, or they can wear blue on spirit goes blue, or we can't give shirts to everyone, or this is our main fundraiser" It was frustrating to say the least. So I am sure that over the course of the school year, she had gotten tired of me.

I did get the VMIS to become a thing, but again this was through a lot of persuasiveness. The argument that if you volunteer with the PTO and want to log hours means that you are only in it for an award did not sit well with me. I knew the inner workings and how this could benefit someone for a job resume or for a school age kid to accrue much needed hours. And then one day, she caved and said you set it up you can do it. You know what?, I did, and it was a success. Within just a month many of our volunteers began to log hours. I mingled and brought this up to as many volunteers as I could, and always letting them know it was optional.

See the reason I was unfriended did not just happen, it happened over the course of a school year.

At the meeting my suggestion was met with much agreement on the incoming board. The incoming Treasurer even mentioned that with the current state of the economy many more parents might not be able to afford the extra costs this coming school year.

I also stressed the importance of mingling. I know this is not a strong point of everyone. For myself and for the former VP, this was something we did well. Our former president did know everyone's name and knew which kids belonged to which parent. That was such a strong point, and one that I never failed to admire. But things didn't go so well after our former VP began speaking. She would be laying out what she found worked, the summer playdates she set up, or something else and the former President would cut her off. I would elaborate on something the VP said. I even brought up her wonderful teacher birthday recognition that she was in charge of. I guess all of my elaboration and saying the VP this or that, was hurtful and not intentional, but should have been handled differently. You would think that I as the oldest person there, could have managed to not hurt someone's feelings so badly. But was I the only one in the wrong?

By the end of the meeting it was late and I felt positive. I felt like the new board was ready and the current board was ready for new adventures. I walked away with a beautiful cup in my hand. The former president asked about how my son was healing from a procedure he had recently, we talked about the barber we had both used for our sons, and it felt like there was something missing. I got in my van and drove home.

Thursday I pull myself out of bed and see I have a message from the former VP. What? you were unfriended? You noticed that I was and also the former Secretary. It was true. I was actually unfriended by two people, two former PTO Presidents. I messaged M and she said that I hurt her feelings. I had started out with "I am sorry if I offended you" I apologized for hurting her feelings and I listened to her response on how my words at the meeting made her feel like she had done a terrible job. I then told her all the qualities that she had that I truly admired and that watching her in that role, showed me that I am not ready to be a president yet, most likely not even a vp. I told her it was a great thing being part of the board with her. I also told her that her friendship had mattered to me more than that board. I felt so low all that day, and here I am on a Saturday, still feeling low. I also have a beautiful tumbler with my name on it that I will most likely never use. I just cannot look at it without seeing that blue button "Add Friend"

I don't know why this matters to me so much. I will be moving soon. I just know that two ladies that I thought really cared about me as a friend, unfriended me because I had a different opinion. One of them had even reached out to ask if I was okay, and I thought to myself "wow she really cares, how very sweet" But words are just words. It is now up to me how I interpret this situation and grow from this situation. It is up to me, to remain cordial in public and to carry on in a positive way. I admit I was wrong by not handling the meeting in a better way, but I really think this started months ago and that on a deeper level we were probably more acquaintances than friends. Everyone has stuff they deal with on a personal level and how they present that or use it to shape their beliefs, is part of their story. It is up to each of us to respect their journey and to listen to their beliefs without judgment.

May you be the very best you.