Exactly Four Years Ago

Exactly four years ago on March 6 2011, I became a stay at home mom. I had been employed at Tennsco since September of 2007, but it was time to move on.

I remember the day clearly, just like it was yesterday. I remember all of the days leading up to it were filled with prayer. My husband had been in ESL (English Second Language) since January 6, 2011. I was struggling taking care of my two boys, and working. I was also trying to go to the gym. Tennessee had a rough winter that year. There was a lot of snow. I remember the loneliness, the uncertainty of what would come next.

With the husband being a part of the Army, I had to get the paperwork done myself. Because he was in school he wasn't able to do it. I was learning the ropes of being an Army Spouse while not officially being one. Until he graduated ESL there was no guarantee that he would a soldier. Phone contact with him was limited to weekends only. I spent five long months counting down the days to the weekends and spending hours at a time on the phone with him.

But back to the job. I was miserable. My co-workers and I didn't always see eye to eye. There was a lot of gossiping, a lot of distrust, a lot of worrying about who was or wasn't pulling their weight. I was one of those not pulling their weight. Our middle son was finally enrolled in an early childhood development program, and they realized that he needed physical therapy. Once at physical therapy they were telling me he needed to be there every week and that he needed occupational therapy. But I was only able to get two Wednesday off a month for physical therapy and that was my lunch break.

I knew that my co-workers were less than thrilled with me. I had to make phone calls and on my breaks or at lunch that was how I spent my time. I had phone calls coming in that I couldn't ignore. My oldest son was having more issues at school and I had him in therapy once a month in the evenings. My Dad was helping me out as much as he could. The kids and I were eating fast food a lot. I was tired. I was frustrated and overwhelmed. I hated the snow that seemed to fall a lot that year.

So finally after a lot of prayer, and I mean everyone I knew was praying for God to show me the way, I finally figured out that it would be possible for me to quit my job. Before ever approaching my husband I figured up all of our bills. There were  a lot of bills. Most of them were medical related for our middle son. He would turn three before the last of his medical bills were paid off. And that is because I had insurance at work, but he copays were high. I crunched all of the numbers. I knew we wouldn't be rich, but I knew we wouldn't be hurting either. We paid $90 a week just for my middle son to go to a babysitter we also had to pay after school care for my oldest and that was over $20 and then there was his lunch. money.

At that very moment in time I was an emotional wreck. I was crying a lot. I was afraid of this new life style where I would need to fill the spot of two parents at times. I was stressed out because my husband was stressed out. So I sent him a huge letter with all the bills we owed. It was right down to how much and estimated pay offs. It was all of monthly bills. Approximate cost of groceries and gas money.

I knew when he received it because he finally called. He was worried and wanted to think about it. A week later together we decided that it was time for me to stay home. It was going to help our older son get the time with me he needed. It was going to give me the time to get our middle son into the therapies that he needed.

This was not a decision that was made overnight. It was made over weeks. And on Valentines day of 2011, I turned in my notice. I had prayed and prayed and I knew, because back then I could still hear God's voice, that this was God's will. My last day would be March 6, and I would leave at 12p.m.

Tennsco is a wonderful company to work for. There are many perks like company family days, and Christmas dinners, and gift cards at Thanksgiving, and a small spring bonus. It was hard to get a job there, and most people retired from there after being there for well over 20 years. I knew that when I turned in my notice that there would be no going back. That my spot would be filled before I even walked out the door on my last day, and it was.

So Friday March 6 comes along and several coworkers give me cards and picture frames. It is a tearful goodbye. And then it is 12 pm, I gather up all of my stuff and clock out for the last time. The second I stepped out that door it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. There had been a darkness surrounding me and it was gone. The sky was a clear blue, it was a beautiful day. I bet somewhere there were even Angels singing.

I never looked back. I cranked Foghat's "Slow Ride, Take it Easy" as I pulled out of the parking lot. I was free! I even felt free. Things didn't automatically get easier. There were still issues with my older son, but I was able to cook him a very good breakfast every morning. I started baby sitting and going to the gym. I was also preparing my kids and myself for the inevitable move that would be coming up.

This is why it was so hard for me to finally go back to school. I am finally doing the one thing that I always wanted to do: stay at home. I remember being young and dating and if the subject came up I would be laughed at. Even as an adult when I would lament going to work and leaving my older son in someone else's care. No one believed that it was feasible for one parent to stay home. But I am. I have and we are doing better than we ever were when both of us worked.

I know that eventually I will need to go back to work. My husband and I have discussed my going back to work once both kids are in school. It sounds good, but it isn't what I want to do. I want to stay home and cook and clean and do the laundry. It was so hard for me to return to work in 2009 when our middle son was born. I begged and pleaded to stay home, but at that time it wasn't a reality. We really needed both incomes in order to pay the bills.

So here I am enrolled in college classes four years after becoming a SAHM. I am blessed beyond belief, and who knows where God will send us next.


Luke 7:27 This is he of whom it is written: Behold I send my messenger before your face, who will prepare your way before you.