Celebrate!

This year for New Years Eve, I am almost for certain celebrating alone. No, I'm really not all that torn up about it. And darn, just now I realized we don't even have grapes for New Years Eve! But the point is with the Hubby on the other side of the world, the goal is to get through the holidays. To ensure the kids are happy. So I haven't put a whole lot of focus on me.

I got it stuck in my head that I must get a bottle of wine for my celebration. This way I could have something to dull the nonsense of the sappy made for TV movies I am sure to be watching.

The dilemma was not in whether or not this was a good idea, but rather in how do I make this a reality? See I live in a tiny country town that has liqueur stores but many don't like kids under 18 in them. So I was trying to figure out who I could ask to watch my kids.

The scenarios were cracking me up.

Hmm my Dad? No, that would be bad, especially since he is constantly nagging me about the state of my kidneys and how many stones may be hiding in them. There is also the "Never consume alcohol at all" An example that was very well set by my grandparents. So yes, this option was out.

Then today I was thinking maybe my new friend? But she said she didn't drink, plus we had three kids.

I knew I could drive to the store leave the kids in the car because that was sure to make headlines. But what if I took the van? It does have tinted windows?

Oh come on tiny town just pass the wine in grocery stores bill already!!! I mean come on don't you realize the benefits to being able to grab a bottle of wine as your kids are whining and people you don't know are talking to you about your cousin's grandma who had a friend whose boyfriend knew a girl.....

See where I am going with this?

I found my solution. My new friend lived only a couple of miles from my sister. I shoot her a text message and ask her if it's okay to stop in. In true introvert fashion she tried her best to discourage me, especially since I had my kids and hers were at Gran's house.

I did roll up in her driveway. And I was greeted by an overly rude introvert in jammies with all of her techie stuff piled up next to her on the couch. She tried every grouchy overture in the introvert guidebook, but my sweet kids gave her lots of hugs and won her over.

Then came the task of convincing her that she should really go out with me and sit in my van with my kids while I go purchase wine that she wouldn't be consuming with me. The fact that she was hungry was a bonus for me. I was able to convince her to come in her jammies and I would purchase her some tacos. My son wanted a cheese roll up anyway so it would work out.

Now once I walked in this really nice liqueur store I was overcome with how pretty the bottles were displayed. It almost reminded me of the store that I used to visit with my husband and kids. The one that would have great wine samples that my husband would encourage me to partake of.

So I am wandering the aisles looking at everything. The feeling of missing my husband was so overwhelming. I found exactly what I was looking for. The Sangria.

This was introduced to me at Philippians house when the family invite my husband and kids and I down to eat Lumpia. So this wine is special to me. My hubby would sometimes bring it home for me. I drank a glass while he drank a beer.

But then I saw the Kahlua and I just reached out and grabbed the bottle without thinking. Last year at my Comadre's Christmas she served Kahlua and evaporated milk with a lot of ice. A very smooth drink without a lot of punch.

So now I have both. Maybe someone will show up and justify the purchase of the Kahlua. That was kind of a special drink for my husband and I. We would drink it while watching a movie lying in our dark bedroom cuddled close. But that is a story for a different time.

B. Alwildia Garcia

December 30, 2015 

Tokens, Tokens, and More Tokens

My kids and I were invited to one of those fun pizza places with tokens and games galore. I was excited to accept the invitation because I knew it would be fun. And fun it was.

I have made a new friend. One I am most positive that God has sent into my life at this very moment, because well, I might be on a slippery slope, no wait, I am on a slippery slope. Through her I have found and interesting church. Things are good.

So in the spirit of fun and getting my kids out of the house. In the hopes of getting my son to actually interact with this sweet little boy, we went.

The hour long drive quickly passed. The kids laughing and singing in the back seat. Jammed together each in their own car seat. Conversation in the front of the car was great. Lots of testimony swapping.

The arrival was swift. The kids descending upon the doors as if the golden egg was on the other side. Glow in the dark numbers on our left arms is always a fascinating thing.

And then the counter where you decide to eat the greasy pizza drink a soda or go for that salad bar. Don't forget token choices! My friend and I splint the cost for 100 tokens, and since I had two kids to her one, I felt I should by extra so the two boys would have 50 each and my daughter could have some too.

I approach the counter set on getting 50 for $10 nearly hand over my money, then go for the $20 choice and before I know it the sweet teenage cashier has talked me into $30 150 tokens and 500 free tickets! Now I knew we would be in this place for awhile.

I lost my son in the mix for a bit, but I knew he was most likely in the center where the video games were. My daughter headed straight for the skee balls. Of course she can't throw underhand, but she does throw quite well overhand. So for at least 20 games I am chasing down balls, and grabbing forgotten tickets. My son showed up for a couple of games and at this point realized I needed a better system of tracking tickets.

I started cramming my son's tickets in the pocket of my shirt, my daughters in the diaper bag. So now I have become the token carrying ticket catching mom running behind her kids as they flit from game to game to game.

They did take a small break and climb into the play house. There was a point where my daughter was just sitting in there chilling and not moving from her spot. Yep, the spot where every other kid needed to pass. After successfully blocking traffic in the narrow tunnel thing high above my head she came down the slide and the madness began again.

The great thing about these places is once you get your kid in there they aren't going out that door without you. The manner of how they go out that door depends on the severity of any meltdown due to lack of tickets or over tiredness. We had no meltdowns when we left.

Redeeming the tickets in the annoying machine that makes the most horrid noise took quite a bit of time. As it turns out each kid had almost two hundred tickets. And of course most of those were singles! The ticket process was broken up into stopping points as my daughter decided she should randomly run off and hid among all the people. I was so thankful my friend was there to assist me with tracking my daughter.

Ticket redemption went quite well for all three kids. I think they were each satisfied. I nearly had a heart attack as my daughter's turn approaches. The sweet teenage girl was kind enough to pull out all 20 or more necklaces and bracelets we could choose from and we only had enough tickets for two of those. This became a tricky process as I have to explain to her that no she cannot have all of them, I think she settles on two bracelets, and then she turns away to sulk at a nearby table. This leaves me to finish picking out what I think she will like.

Food was next on the agenda and we hit a fast food place on the way home. Great conversation coming home and a much quieter backseat.

Twas a truly great and blessed day.


December 30, 2015

Proverbs 11:14 Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.

Feeling the Slugishness

Monday I cooked pancakes for breakfast,
 Lunch was at a trendy bar and grill. A nice big juicy burger with giant waffle fries.
  As a nice mommy would do, I bought the kids cheeseburgers for supper, and I nibbled on junk food.

Tuesday appointment in Nashville.
  Eggs and Bacon, my normal cup of creamer, sugar with a little coffee.
My Dad had taken the kids into a donut shop while I was at my appointment, he brought me one. It had the yummy crunchy glaze on it.
 Oh my, horrible lunch a greasy chicken sandwich with fries. I did drink water.
Kids and I came home to chill out.

A good friend stops by and offers to take the kids and I to new fast food joint in town. And My Oh My was that some yummy food!
 I started out strong with my order of 12 hushpuppies and chicken strips that my daughter traded her amazing cheeseburger for. And I sipped on their coke.

The heaviness was setting in. I was inwardly cringing at my all out abandon of common sense.

And today rolled around and due to a fun day trip with my kids and friends we ate again greasy food. I did myself true mozzarella sticks and the left over cheeseburger and some fries.

Now I am feeling it.
 My head is a little swimmy.
  My tummy is feeling like it could explode.
   I'm so thirsty from eating all this salty greasy yummy no good for me food.

But as a consolation prize next week I am taking charge of my life.
 I shall become a working out mommy who still nibbles ice cream at night
  I am going to cook for my kids tomorrow,
   this time for real, I know I have been saying that for almost a week now.

It's the holidays they say

Eat Drink and Be Merry

So I have!


December 30, 2015

Philippians 3:19 Whose end is destruction, whose god is their appetite, and whose glory is in their shame, who set their minds on earthly things.

Friends For Life

When I was a fourteen year old girl who felt all alone in the world, I would walk to school because we lived so close. I am not sure how many days of eighth grade had passed before this girl who lived down the road and around the corner yelled for me to wait up. When I stopped it changed my life.


It turns out that both of us had survived seventh grade hell (gym class) together, but had never talked. But on this morning something clicked and we walked to and from school together every day until she moved to Nashville.




S introduced me to Heavy Metal Music. S and her family took me to my first ever concert, Poison. I also saw Ozzy Osbourne and Lalapalooza '94 with her.




We loved to tell dirty jokes, to listen to our music, to make up stories. We each had our goals in life, and one of us attained them.




When she moved to Nashville halfway through eighth grade I thought the world was coming to an end. But our families were gracious enough to make it work for us. We got to spend one weekend a month together, so we would alternate between Nashville and Dickson. This was before it was free to call Nashville, long before it was free I might add.




We wrote long letters, we called when we could. We grew into our teenage selves. Somehow my course strayed from the true and I ended up on a darker course that wasn't leading anywhere good.


I felt I had no future, therefore I had no goals, and no purpose. I knew that to control my world I needed to control the men in it and I was learning this skill quite well and it got me in a pickle.


S's family was one of a few that helped to bail me out. No judgment was ever passed. They still loved me.


Over the next few years a neighbor of S's would bring her down or come pick me up and somehow he coined the term "Country Mouse" and it became a joke between us.




High school was a little more difficult to stay in touch, but we made it work. After high school, she went on to attend college and I went to work and moved in with a boyfriend.




She came to my first wedding. We laughed a lot and it was the best part of that day was seeing her and two friends from my job. For her to drive all that way meant the world to me. She also came to my baby shower for my oldest son. And you guessed it, an amazing day. We laughed so very hard. I didn't realize it yet, but this was the beginning of pick up where we left off without missing a beat.  We stayed in touch, and I ended up divorced and she graduated college.




My sister and I made the very long drive to see her graduate and it was another of my greatest memories ever. There was a lot of rain that day, some how we ended up on the scenic route to the restaurant, we laughed and it all felt so good.




Years passed and so did our adventures. Sometimes it felt as if I would never reconnect with her, but we would. She had come to my oldest son's first, second and fifth birthday parties. And every single time it as if we had never been apart. She eventually moved out of state far away. I wasn't able to attend her wedding, but I relished any letter she me. It was so refreshing to read her take on life, to hear the adventure in her voice.




Two years ago I was about to move back to El Paso. We had one evening we could get together. Her soon to be new husband cooked an amazing dinner and my kids played in her apartment. Which I might add has the most amazing library. Well she is a librarian after all.


At the time I met her I was at a real low. I really needed a refresher. I walked about feeling so much better about my situation and exactly what I needed to do. Her and her husband made me laugh and they listened.




I spent the next two years finding me for the first time ever. I took control of my life and realized that it really is okay to say no sometimes. And most importantly to mean it and stick to it. I did begin taking online classes for an associates degree. I was able to remove myself from most negativity and drama.




I have returned to Tennessee. I am a new person, an older version of the one who drove away two years ago. I am in control of my life and I am enjoying every minute of it.




Today I was able to meet with her and her husband in this trendy little place in Nashville. It was an amazing afternoon.




My how we have each come full circle. She knew me so well, and didn't bat an I when I told her I am struggling with my place in the religious scheme of it all. She talked to me about it and how to see it. We discussed education and her library at the school she works for. We talked about memories and good times and bad times.




I'm telling you now if you don't have a true friend like this you are missing out. I have many great friends. Many people I talk to on an almost daily basis, but this is my oldest friendship and it was born out of need, but continues to blossom as it grows.




It will be interesting to see how long it is until I see her again and where our next visit will be. This girl has always been true to herself and those around her. I am certain there is a lot I can learn from her.






December 28, 2015






Dedicated to the best friend I have ever had and to our futures. Thank you for always being there to show me how to reach for the stars.

Creepy Crawly Stopped By

The weather has been unseasonably warm, which is making those of us used to the cold venture outside more, even when it is rainy.


One night just before everyone was going to bed, I took our little Chihuahua outside. It was nearly 11 o'clock at night and here I am with the dog just casually walking down the road at night. The road was still wet from a recent rain and as I near a puddle I see movement.


Instantly I stop to inspect it and there is a salamander. Now I encourage my kids to touch these creatures, but I won't hold them. I holler for my oldest son, which I am sure the neighbors were all thinking the crazy lady was outside, and he came running.

He gently caught it and we brought it inside. My daughter was having fits, and my son being the boy that he is, scared her. I told him he mustn't ever do that to her again. I want her to grow up knowing that salamanders are not scary and to enjoy this rare moment. Here it is December and warm and this little guy is running from one place to another.

Our speculation is that he may have been confused due to the warm weather or flooded out of his hidey hole due to the constant rain. But in any event, he spent fifteen minutes inside my house with my boys.

My youngest son was devastated when it was time to put the salamander back outside. But I explained that it was necessary so that he could find his way home. My son cried himself to sleep over that little guy.

I hope that one day my kids will grow up and be cool with their kids about most creepy crawly creatures.

December 28, 2015

Genesis 1:30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creeps on the earth, wherein there is life I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.

Through the Storms Fury

Today was to be a special day.


Today dawned grey and overcast and rain.


But I pushed on, a goal in mind. I was going to see a childhood friend whom I haven't seen in two years.


I woke up and showered and kids began to wake up and they were showered. They were going to another friend's house to play with other kids. Mommy was taking an afternoon off.


Their bag packed, mine packed, make-up done, and hair pulled up in a nice updo. The open-toed shoes were scratched as the rain began pouring down. I settled for sparkly flats instead.


It was beginning to rain a lot. The kids and I made a mad dash to the car. The car with gas in it. The small car that could fit in small parking spaces.


But you see, once I got to my friends house I failed to turn the lights off. After a mere twenty minutes inside that poor car had all it could take and refused to start.


Panic was close, and the storm was moving in, but I was persistent.


My friend's husband came out to see what could be done, and it wasn't really so simple as I am going to give your car a jump start. The battery to my car is in the trunk. I was parked behind his trunk. So he had to pull up into his yard turn around and then roll my car down into the road.


The jumper cables in my car were old and frayed and well they started smoking and this is when it began to rain just a little harder. The wind was picking up. He had other cables and proceeded to try and I made calls. One to my Dad for help, one to my friend stating my lateness.


My car started! It purred to life as if it didn't have one moment of stubbornness.


I called my friend, to let her know I really was coming, I called my Dad to let him know I was okay still pushing forward with the plan.


At home I swapped my car for my van with an empty gas tank and sat in this van and watched the wind push giant trees vertically and branches lean closer to my house. I talked again to my friend. I got the reassurance from my Dad that I could do this.


Though I have to admit he made me doubt. He said he knew I could in the car, but wasn't sure I could in the van. After it was beginning to storm pretty bad for Middle Tennessee.


So my first stop was the gas station where it was just barely covered. I got out and was almost instantly soaked. I had an umbrella and I tried to stay behind the van but this barely kept the rain from me. Basically from the upper thighs down I was soaked. So here I am behind a minivan with a giant umbrella cowering against the rain, my outfit is a thin sweater, layered tank tops, jeans, and flats with no socks, once semi neat updo and make-up. After filling up and jumping back into the van I had to wipe water off my feet and from the insides of my shoes. I dapped water from my face.


And I hit the road
  That I could not see


I drove it by feel. Thank goodness I am used to driving this road twice a day. I knew when to slow down, which I was already pretty slow, and I knew when there were curves. After passing through the tiny little town I thought I saw tail lights. I slowed way down and waited for the car to turn on a side road, and it did.


Thinking I was home free I let myself creep back up to thirty all the while wondering if there hidden creeks were flooding and if I would make it back home tonight. The big flood of 2010 and how it isolated my tiny town from Nashville was vivid in my mind.


After following a slow group of cars I finally made it to the interstate and it just magically quit raining so hard and now there was visibility.


My drive into Nashville was uneventful.


And I found my destination easily and yep, there was one semi close parking spot that my van would never fit into. So I parked down the street and walked up a small hill in the rain without my umbrella that I forgot in the van.


It was an adventure for sure. One that I am quite glad I followed though.


December 28, 2015


Job 37:6 For he saith tot he snow, Be thou on the earth, likewise tot he small rain, and to the great rain of his strength.

When I needed to Venture Out

We all know the holiday season can be brutal. We all have our survivor stories.


Just before Christmas, in fact the last Saturday before Christmas I felt like maybe the crud was going to bring me down. My daughter hadn't been sleeping due to the lingering effects of a cold that set in after she had strep throat. I settled in quite comfortably on the couch to await the arrival and sure to follow mayhem of my oldest son arriving.


All


Day


Long


I sat on that couch. Sappy made for TV Christmas movies passing the time away.


Until the moment I realized that there was no apple juice, not enough eggs, and a gallon of milk wouldn't be a bad idea.


So I knew a trip to the store was in my near future. I wasn't really dressed for the store. No bra, running pants and a very old shirt. Comfort is my thing, and I must say I really ROCK comfort. (much to my husband's disdain)


I decided to make a quick run to the store just after my oldest son arrived. I was going to leave him in charge of the younger two.


As I began walking toward the store from my way out in the middle of nowhere parking spot I began to notice the sideways glances in my direction. The way people were warily casting glances my way. They were quickly moving to the opposite side of the aisles. I began to wonder, did I look worse than I thought? Or did I have the Grinch look down?


Even the cashier was hesitant to ask me how I was doing and if I was ready for Christmas. I made it in and out of there in under 15 minutes, not bad considering there seemed to be a mad dash to this particular store.


I guess people will leave me alone when they see my don't play with me face.

Here it is :)


December 27, 2015

Perceived to be Crazyiness

I had this bright idea that the kids should make flour and salt ornaments for my husband who is currently on the other side of the world. I had this idea in my head of how simple it would be, how involved and magical.


Of course I consulted Pinterest to make sure I found the most magical recipe and ideas.


But then it hit me, why should I keep all this magic to myself? Why not include my sister and my two nieces?


As it worked out we were going to be running a 5K and my sister was going to stay the night before with her two kids, and bonus, I would have my oldest son!


So she came over and we mixed the flour and salt and water and got it ready for all five kids to come and make shapes with cookie cutters. Each kid did two, my sister and I ended up doing all the rest of the shapes.

Into the oven they went and we were ready for the next day.

After my sister and I recovered somewhat from the 5k, my son not being affected in the slightest, we wrangled into the dining room all the kids. So it went a 15 year old boy, 7 year old girl, young six year old girl, older six year old boy,  and a very active three year old girl.

We were ready! My sister and I had spent quite some time at the store picking out paints and brushes and we felt we had it all under control.

 

As it went the kids got bored rather quickly. We ended up with some very cute ornaments and all who received them were thrilled. It was not a magical mayhem mess as we had envisioned. It was a calm afternoon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A true blessing. My sister and I are now tentatively planning another craft......Stay Tuned!

Always a wild card in the mix, my youngest also painted her nose so she could be like big brother.

December 27, 2015

Matthew 18:10 See that you do not look down on one of these little ones, For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my father in Heaven.

Tis the Season to 5K

For whatever reason, I decided that I should run the Give and Gobble 5K on Thanksgiving day. While I was deciding on doing this for real or not, my sister seized the moment and made it a must do.
 To be clear since early October I have developed a nightly double chocolate with chocolate syrup ice cream addiction. I joke with the cashiers at the grocery store that this is a far better choice than wine. You should see their faces as they try and decide if this mom with a daughter who really needs to be restrained is really serious.
Trust me I am.
So here I am close to 150 LBS and grossly out of shape. That is being nice.
I put on my go face and I registered and it was a done deal. I picked up my registration kit and the ugly bright neon green shirt and a map....
Oh this is going to be ugly!!! I check out the map and I know I am in for it. I call my sister to explain to her the hole that we have dug and already I am out of breath.

This is me the morning before the race, as you can tell I am over the moon with excitement. But kudos to me it isn't even 8 o'clock on Thanksgiving morning and I am up and ready to go.




We get there, I snag a free banana and some water and spend the next hour or so before the race in line at the Port a Potty. To be clear, I was using it, waiting in line, and using it. Yep, this is the bladder of a late thirties, had three kids kind of mom.

I started stronger than I thought and I pushed as hard as I could. But my sister's growing concern over my lack of breathing made me realize I had to slow down for just a bit. And then it took a lot for me to get going again. It became clear that not only could I not breathe, I couldn't run either.

I finished at 41 minutes. Not as weak as I had anticipated, my sister came in at 38 almost 39 minutes.

So I did it, I survived and I immediately registered for another one on December 12. Only this time I encourage my 15 year old son and my sister to join me.

Ready to Run!

At the Finish Line



My son was so excited to have an opportunity to win. To show my sister and I that he is the fastest. And he was at 37 minutes and 10 seconds and my sister was just a few seconds behind him, I came it at 39 minutes. I was amazed and barely standing, a pitiful sight at the finish line.

We were Ready!

Lucky for me, most of this one was walking really fast uphill and then running downhill. On the main highway I would only walk past the grassy areas and the driveways I made myself run. By the end of the race my legs were sore, cramps in my thighs, my arms were numb and I could barely breath. I could have been a little faster, but I snagged two cups of water at the water station. Had I not done that, I may not have made it at all.

I am proud of each of us for doing this. We are all in our own ways out of shape, and untrained. But we got out there and supported a great cause while running or walking our little hearts out.

 

Hebrews 13:16 Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.

Darker than Normal

Music
 Yes it has caught me tightly in it's grasp.


Dragging  me down into a place
 I have risen from
  and temptations sweet kiss is begging for redemption


Not lust
 nope, it is the addicts soul that is longing for release.


It once was that sweet tobacco that burned it's way through my lungs,
 now it is the taste of something much sweeter
  a harder kick.


I could settle for a glass of wine,
 but something far stronger would be better.


I long to laugh an adult's careless laugh.


I long to just empty the cup
 bottoms up


Even more than that I long to turn around
 to see his smooth face
  eyes only for me


Arms out
 ready to catch me
  to kiss me to oblivion
 
And away to the next level we shall go


The music can make me feel this
 yearn for this
  need him more than even my words can express


The mommy side of me is going through the routines
 today is baking frenzy day
  set to the tunes of desire
  of forever your love


Responsibility is in the forefront
 but who I am is all twisted and crazy
  I need to be free from the restraints
  yet the restraints keep me in check


I NEED him to come home
 I WANT him to always be by my side


The first and last thing I see and touch every day and night
 My one and only
  The one I swore undying allegiance to


Come
   Home


Take
  me
   away


Rescue me
  rescue us


Help me pull myself up and out of this funk


Turn my world right side up
 all is crazy tilted


I don't want to read my books
 I want to loose myself in the music
  or binge watch horribly twisted and deep shows


Focus
 it is slipping away


You are my everything


Maybe it is not as it should be
 my eyes and mind and heart not focused heavenward
  but on you
   on the other side of the world


You are the air that I breathe
 the steady smooth road that I travel
 there behind me
  helping me to see the point in it all


I am not sure where my sanity has gone
 where my rock solid values and beliefs have gone
  I am floundering

Lost at sea
 in this tiny town full of sameness
 
Who am I?
What have I become?


Sleep is all I want
 a deep dreamless sleep that leaves me begging for more.


In sleep I can be at rest
 not trying to find my way
  my purpose


Pray for me
 Pray hard for me


B. Alwildia Garcia
December 9, 2015