Darker than Normal

Music
 Yes it has caught me tightly in it's grasp.


Dragging  me down into a place
 I have risen from
  and temptations sweet kiss is begging for redemption


Not lust
 nope, it is the addicts soul that is longing for release.


It once was that sweet tobacco that burned it's way through my lungs,
 now it is the taste of something much sweeter
  a harder kick.


I could settle for a glass of wine,
 but something far stronger would be better.


I long to laugh an adult's careless laugh.


I long to just empty the cup
 bottoms up


Even more than that I long to turn around
 to see his smooth face
  eyes only for me


Arms out
 ready to catch me
  to kiss me to oblivion
 
And away to the next level we shall go


The music can make me feel this
 yearn for this
  need him more than even my words can express


The mommy side of me is going through the routines
 today is baking frenzy day
  set to the tunes of desire
  of forever your love


Responsibility is in the forefront
 but who I am is all twisted and crazy
  I need to be free from the restraints
  yet the restraints keep me in check


I NEED him to come home
 I WANT him to always be by my side


The first and last thing I see and touch every day and night
 My one and only
  The one I swore undying allegiance to


Come
   Home


Take
  me
   away


Rescue me
  rescue us


Help me pull myself up and out of this funk


Turn my world right side up
 all is crazy tilted


I don't want to read my books
 I want to loose myself in the music
  or binge watch horribly twisted and deep shows


Focus
 it is slipping away


You are my everything


Maybe it is not as it should be
 my eyes and mind and heart not focused heavenward
  but on you
   on the other side of the world


You are the air that I breathe
 the steady smooth road that I travel
 there behind me
  helping me to see the point in it all


I am not sure where my sanity has gone
 where my rock solid values and beliefs have gone
  I am floundering

Lost at sea
 in this tiny town full of sameness
 
Who am I?
What have I become?


Sleep is all I want
 a deep dreamless sleep that leaves me begging for more.


In sleep I can be at rest
 not trying to find my way
  my purpose


Pray for me
 Pray hard for me


B. Alwildia Garcia
December 9, 2015