Friday dawned bright, sunny, and hot. My feet did not hit the floor before 9:30a.m. A restless slumber interrupted in the wee hours by a tiny Chihuahua. As an excuse for aimless wandering about the house, I turned off the alarm and fell back into the world of dreams.
In excusable. And even as I fell back against the pillow, I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew that the repercussions would be felt throughout the day and beyond. I heard the voices in my head arguing about getting up and making class, and still I refused to make my body move from beneath the blankets.
Saturday night I kept the kids and myself up until midnight. And naturally I did not get us to church. I did not really do much more than attempt to find the sermon online.
Guilt was piling up. I knew I was wrong on both counts. I knew that I was better than this, and could do so much more.
The grass did get cut on Sunday evening and one tiny feeling of accomplishment overcame me.
By Monday morning I was not quite myself.
Over tired from watching a tragically sad movie about turning 40. Watching this in the wee hours of the morning rather than sleeping. I turned off the lights as dawn was creeping up. I slept late and woke up feeling sluggish.
Breakfast cooked and served and a little school type activities for the kids.
Even though this was to be a hearing aide appointment for my son, I did not get him equipped with hearing aides. In fact I barely managed to get both kids and myself together and out the door. A slightly grumpy granddad accompanied us to this appointment.
Upon arrival I realized that we were at a hearing aide appointment without hearing aides and in that moment nearly threw in the towel. My youngest was being difficult and throwing temper tantrums. A rude lady stared me down sneering at me.
I sad in my chair angrily staring her down, but I knew Bitch mode was about to break out. I could see the words she wasn't speaking flashing across her face, and it made me angrier. Somehow, I managed to let it slide.
The appointment went well, and after a meal in a fast food restaurant and a thrift store, I spent the next thirty minutes trying to convince myself that I was too tired to attend Zumba. My dad was being encouraging my not saying either way.
I did make it. I did feel much better about things after the class.
Monday, July 25, 2016
Monday, July 18, 2016
Words to Verbalize
A weak attempt to recreate a dream that lingered throughout the day. A haunting melody of missing the other half. Pouring a glass of wine, never mind the hard Zumba workout. Even there, toward the end of class, the dream came rushing back through the words of a song. The moves felt forced as I struggled to focus and not form words in my head as I do the routine. Once home a hurried routine with the kids so that I could get them quiet, to let the dream come back in wispy waves.
It was a clear night, which somehow moved into a clear morning. The overwhelming feeling of warmth. Of comfort and satisfaction. The act of making love with the one held so close. His face not visible but through the tangled sheets I could see his uniform clad leg. I knew he was close by the weight of his body. No words were uttered. It was us in a strange bed in a strange house a strange place. The ringing of a phone and hands pushing it away, pleading for it to be ignored, but it was not. The feeling of longing begins to creep closer as his words echo in the vast room. More pleading for him not to leave to stay close, but we both know that can't be. They need him. I see things shifting and I know I am not satisfied with the situation and that longing is pulling at me as I watch him walk down the stairs. I see a strange car and I wonder what they must think of the house, of being inside of it for the first time. And then it is over, daylight pours into my window and I know that it is time to rise.
A day filled with normalcy for the most part. Playing a mobile phone game with my son. Getting him to and from speech. Sweating profusely as I move about outside in the humid Tennessee sun. Yearning for a cooler climate. Waves of contentment mixed with sadness. My oldest turns sixteen tomorrow, but he won't be in my house. Maybe I will see him the next day, but his father holds him in front of me like a carrot dangled in front of a rabbit.
Two songs brought me back to where I was in Hawaii. They reassured me that it was once like a dream and will soon be again. How I miss him. How I yearn to be in his arms, tangled in the sheets quietly watching television or sleeping or talking. He is my dream come true. A whirlwind of emotions and I often feel breathless. Left crying in the wings while life plays out before me and I am nothing more than a spectator.
At a loss as to how to be who I was without the craziness, but some of the craziness is what made me who I was. I feel that other girl pushing through the boundaries sometimes at Zumba. My body wants to fall into the music and dance aimlessly. Dance alone on a dance floor that has yet to become crowded. I can hear the words to every song that was mine, that I claimed for me. I was a star however drunk I was at the time, I was a star. I was good at socializing at making everyone feel like they mattered. There are many days now that I am not sure I matter. How do I harness that wild that made me the carefree and fun to be around girl? How can that wild girl still reign free but be a mother and a wife?
Many days I am at odds with who I am, who I was. I know I am in a much better place. I am a much better person. I have evolved, and somehow the spark is sputtering and I'm not sure it can be revived.
Worry not my friends, I am in a good place and I am going to survive.
Praying that I can even find my words and let them flow the way they once did.
I am wild at heart and sometimes the wild ones will appear to be tamed when really they are not.
It was a clear night, which somehow moved into a clear morning. The overwhelming feeling of warmth. Of comfort and satisfaction. The act of making love with the one held so close. His face not visible but through the tangled sheets I could see his uniform clad leg. I knew he was close by the weight of his body. No words were uttered. It was us in a strange bed in a strange house a strange place. The ringing of a phone and hands pushing it away, pleading for it to be ignored, but it was not. The feeling of longing begins to creep closer as his words echo in the vast room. More pleading for him not to leave to stay close, but we both know that can't be. They need him. I see things shifting and I know I am not satisfied with the situation and that longing is pulling at me as I watch him walk down the stairs. I see a strange car and I wonder what they must think of the house, of being inside of it for the first time. And then it is over, daylight pours into my window and I know that it is time to rise.
A day filled with normalcy for the most part. Playing a mobile phone game with my son. Getting him to and from speech. Sweating profusely as I move about outside in the humid Tennessee sun. Yearning for a cooler climate. Waves of contentment mixed with sadness. My oldest turns sixteen tomorrow, but he won't be in my house. Maybe I will see him the next day, but his father holds him in front of me like a carrot dangled in front of a rabbit.
Two songs brought me back to where I was in Hawaii. They reassured me that it was once like a dream and will soon be again. How I miss him. How I yearn to be in his arms, tangled in the sheets quietly watching television or sleeping or talking. He is my dream come true. A whirlwind of emotions and I often feel breathless. Left crying in the wings while life plays out before me and I am nothing more than a spectator.
At a loss as to how to be who I was without the craziness, but some of the craziness is what made me who I was. I feel that other girl pushing through the boundaries sometimes at Zumba. My body wants to fall into the music and dance aimlessly. Dance alone on a dance floor that has yet to become crowded. I can hear the words to every song that was mine, that I claimed for me. I was a star however drunk I was at the time, I was a star. I was good at socializing at making everyone feel like they mattered. There are many days now that I am not sure I matter. How do I harness that wild that made me the carefree and fun to be around girl? How can that wild girl still reign free but be a mother and a wife?
Many days I am at odds with who I am, who I was. I know I am in a much better place. I am a much better person. I have evolved, and somehow the spark is sputtering and I'm not sure it can be revived.
Worry not my friends, I am in a good place and I am going to survive.
Praying that I can even find my words and let them flow the way they once did.
I am wild at heart and sometimes the wild ones will appear to be tamed when really they are not.
Thursday, July 14, 2016
Feeling Like Home
Recently the kids and I and Granddad loaded up the minivan and headed north to Michigan. The trip there was rather uneventful. I did a lot of the driving and the conversation between my Dad and I flowed steadily.
The scenery rushed past the windows and the sun moved across the sky. We went from dripping sweat humidity to barely noticing the humidity.
For me this was an odyssey of sorts.
I was heading up north to see my Mother whom I had not seen for three years. I was nervous and worried that it might not go smoothly. I feared I was taking my youngest two kids into a hornets nest.
It was not a bad visit. It was a wonderful visit. Old demons were not there in the shadows. It was as if my Mother had finally found her happy place. My Grandmother's ill temperament was long gone and not hanging over us anymore. The hot Alabama sun warming up the mobile home in a treeless wasteland was a distant memory.
Hugs aplenty from family all the way around. How warm and opening it all felt. To be whisked inside their homes and treated not as a stranger, but a familiar face. Laughter sounded all around. I was blessed. I slept soundly on a twin air mattress with both kids and at my Mother's house. We ate well. We spent time outside in the warm Michigan air wondering where the humidity was. The trees were a lush green the grass so soft beneath our feet. The dirt roads we traversed were dust filled and stirring up feelings of home.
It was almost as if I had come home, almost the same feeling I get when rolling across the Tennessee border after being in West Texas.
The memories I had of childhood summers there, were fresh in my mind. The warm feelings of childhood and belonging rushed in. Many of the places we went were familiar to me. Even when I ventured to my Mother's little town, I felt at peace.
I could picture myself, my kids, even my husband here. I could envision my kids attending the schools and receiving optimal healthcare. I could see my husband outside grilling. I know there was not a heavy Hispanic influence in the areas we were, but it still felt like a home could be made there.
I am thankful to God for this trip, this time with all of my family.
I also learned a love for IKEA. I now want to decorate my entire house in IKEA furniture and even acquired a few gadgets for my kitchen.
And upon the trip home where once again I did the driving. I studied the roads, since many of these will be the ones we travel to our new home place. I listened to my kids playing in the back of the van. I encouraged my Dad to talk and tell me about things I might need to know.
The realization that I am finally and adult hit me. At nearly 40, I feel as if I am coming into my own.
And then in Kentucky when we stepped out of the van, the humidity hit me hard and I realized that I love the South, but the humidity is not for me anymore.
Be blessed. Enjoy your family. Set aside differences and make an effort to see them. God is Great and so are you.
July 14 2016
The scenery rushed past the windows and the sun moved across the sky. We went from dripping sweat humidity to barely noticing the humidity.
For me this was an odyssey of sorts.
I was heading up north to see my Mother whom I had not seen for three years. I was nervous and worried that it might not go smoothly. I feared I was taking my youngest two kids into a hornets nest.
It was not a bad visit. It was a wonderful visit. Old demons were not there in the shadows. It was as if my Mother had finally found her happy place. My Grandmother's ill temperament was long gone and not hanging over us anymore. The hot Alabama sun warming up the mobile home in a treeless wasteland was a distant memory.
Hugs aplenty from family all the way around. How warm and opening it all felt. To be whisked inside their homes and treated not as a stranger, but a familiar face. Laughter sounded all around. I was blessed. I slept soundly on a twin air mattress with both kids and at my Mother's house. We ate well. We spent time outside in the warm Michigan air wondering where the humidity was. The trees were a lush green the grass so soft beneath our feet. The dirt roads we traversed were dust filled and stirring up feelings of home.
It was almost as if I had come home, almost the same feeling I get when rolling across the Tennessee border after being in West Texas.
The memories I had of childhood summers there, were fresh in my mind. The warm feelings of childhood and belonging rushed in. Many of the places we went were familiar to me. Even when I ventured to my Mother's little town, I felt at peace.
I could picture myself, my kids, even my husband here. I could envision my kids attending the schools and receiving optimal healthcare. I could see my husband outside grilling. I know there was not a heavy Hispanic influence in the areas we were, but it still felt like a home could be made there.
I am thankful to God for this trip, this time with all of my family.
I also learned a love for IKEA. I now want to decorate my entire house in IKEA furniture and even acquired a few gadgets for my kitchen.
And upon the trip home where once again I did the driving. I studied the roads, since many of these will be the ones we travel to our new home place. I listened to my kids playing in the back of the van. I encouraged my Dad to talk and tell me about things I might need to know.
The realization that I am finally and adult hit me. At nearly 40, I feel as if I am coming into my own.
And then in Kentucky when we stepped out of the van, the humidity hit me hard and I realized that I love the South, but the humidity is not for me anymore.
Be blessed. Enjoy your family. Set aside differences and make an effort to see them. God is Great and so are you.
July 14 2016
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
The Unsent Text Message
In the dead of night I am sleeping soundly. From somewhere outside of the depths of sleep the sound of barking dogs begins to filter in and register with the mind. I finally wake up enough to access the situation.
I hear dogs loudly barking. I hear them clearly enough that it means they are close to my house. My Chihuahua is still in his basket. I do not hear him stirring. Minutes tick by and I realize that the dogs are going nowhere fast and I must run them off or else face two cranky children.
Heading the laundry room to grab the bleach cleaning spray. Once in the front of the house I realize that the dogs are actually in my yard.
Upon opening the door a very yappy beagle sees me and makes a run for home barking all the way up the hill. No lights in his house come on and I realize that most likely they let the dogs out and fell back to sleep. The other dog, is one that I have been trying to intimidate for months. He loves to poop in my yard where my kids will step in it.
I look back at the clock 3:23a.m.
Really???
So I holler out the door at the dog who can't hear me over his own barking. I open the back door, and there he is between my two cars almost to my back porch. He retreats to the road where he continues barking and staring me down. I begin to throw rocks in his direction and he slowly backs away barking and staring until he finally runs away.
It is now 3:30a.m. and I am wide awake. I try to lie in bed and force myself to go to sleep, but it doesn't work. I did script a text message though.
"Hi, at 3:20a.m. your dogs were out again. They were in my yard again. Only this time they were barking loud enough I am sure they could have raised the dead. Since neither of my children or even my dog were woken up my this racket, I think you should feel relieved. Should this have happened, I might not have sent a quaint message, but rather banged on your door in the dead of night. Your beagle is by far the loudest dog I have ever encountered. How odd that I own a Chihuahua but you would never know it because he doesn't bark, unlike your beagle that is constantly barking every time it gets loose. He was barking in front of my house, I guess to alert your other dog. The alpha male who thinks he owns this entire street behind your house. Little do you know, I have been in a battle of wills with him for months. I slowly follow him down the road should I see him when I am in my car. I don't get close to him, but he knows that I see him and that I want to be the dominate entity on this stretch of my road. I will sit idling in front of him for minutes at a time. I also enjoy spraying the bleach cleaner in his general direction when I see him in my yard taking a crap. I know you don't care because you let him out all of the time. I know you are probably thankful that he doesn't crap in your yard, but rather in someone else's yard. Last night he was in my driveway, right between my cars, almost to the steps of my deck. I believe he was barking to see if he could rouse my little Chihuahua so that it would come outside and he could stand in his haughty stance and glare at him. But you see my dog is rather well behaved and on the rare occasion he is outside he doesn't stray up the hill into your yard, instead your dog comes to my house to chase him. My dog also doesn't bark and he certainly doesn't run the neighborhood at all hours of the night. Should he run outside to take a quick pee, he can't wait to get back inside. This business with your dogs is becoming quite the issue and I implore you to take better care of your dogs. This is your getting seriously ticked neighbor down the hill."
Not being able to sleep, and knowing that the neighbor doesn't really care, I begin to read my book until I am finally able to fall asleep.
Disclaimer: No dogs have been hurt or will ever be hurt. They may annoy me, but I find ways to annoy them without harming them. I would never purposely hurt an animal, not even one that refuses to acknowledge that I am alpha female in my yard.
I hear dogs loudly barking. I hear them clearly enough that it means they are close to my house. My Chihuahua is still in his basket. I do not hear him stirring. Minutes tick by and I realize that the dogs are going nowhere fast and I must run them off or else face two cranky children.
Heading the laundry room to grab the bleach cleaning spray. Once in the front of the house I realize that the dogs are actually in my yard.
Upon opening the door a very yappy beagle sees me and makes a run for home barking all the way up the hill. No lights in his house come on and I realize that most likely they let the dogs out and fell back to sleep. The other dog, is one that I have been trying to intimidate for months. He loves to poop in my yard where my kids will step in it.
I look back at the clock 3:23a.m.
Really???
So I holler out the door at the dog who can't hear me over his own barking. I open the back door, and there he is between my two cars almost to my back porch. He retreats to the road where he continues barking and staring me down. I begin to throw rocks in his direction and he slowly backs away barking and staring until he finally runs away.
It is now 3:30a.m. and I am wide awake. I try to lie in bed and force myself to go to sleep, but it doesn't work. I did script a text message though.
"Hi, at 3:20a.m. your dogs were out again. They were in my yard again. Only this time they were barking loud enough I am sure they could have raised the dead. Since neither of my children or even my dog were woken up my this racket, I think you should feel relieved. Should this have happened, I might not have sent a quaint message, but rather banged on your door in the dead of night. Your beagle is by far the loudest dog I have ever encountered. How odd that I own a Chihuahua but you would never know it because he doesn't bark, unlike your beagle that is constantly barking every time it gets loose. He was barking in front of my house, I guess to alert your other dog. The alpha male who thinks he owns this entire street behind your house. Little do you know, I have been in a battle of wills with him for months. I slowly follow him down the road should I see him when I am in my car. I don't get close to him, but he knows that I see him and that I want to be the dominate entity on this stretch of my road. I will sit idling in front of him for minutes at a time. I also enjoy spraying the bleach cleaner in his general direction when I see him in my yard taking a crap. I know you don't care because you let him out all of the time. I know you are probably thankful that he doesn't crap in your yard, but rather in someone else's yard. Last night he was in my driveway, right between my cars, almost to the steps of my deck. I believe he was barking to see if he could rouse my little Chihuahua so that it would come outside and he could stand in his haughty stance and glare at him. But you see my dog is rather well behaved and on the rare occasion he is outside he doesn't stray up the hill into your yard, instead your dog comes to my house to chase him. My dog also doesn't bark and he certainly doesn't run the neighborhood at all hours of the night. Should he run outside to take a quick pee, he can't wait to get back inside. This business with your dogs is becoming quite the issue and I implore you to take better care of your dogs. This is your getting seriously ticked neighbor down the hill."
Not being able to sleep, and knowing that the neighbor doesn't really care, I begin to read my book until I am finally able to fall asleep.
Disclaimer: No dogs have been hurt or will ever be hurt. They may annoy me, but I find ways to annoy them without harming them. I would never purposely hurt an animal, not even one that refuses to acknowledge that I am alpha female in my yard.
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
Confidence is Returning
I am slowly coming back into my own. Slowly regaining confidence once lost. Body shamers be damned.
I am ready to take charge, to become who I am meant to become. Most importantly I have a husband that supports me in my goals. Who loves me either way, but is glad I am taking charge of my health.
In the mornings of summer vacation I am up and ready to hit the gym. My kids go with me as they have to choice.
I am this girl, no I mean WOMAN. I am mighty and I am blessed and I am happy. This is me sporting the new workout clothes that my wonderful husband bought me.
I traveled to Hawaii with my husband, and the fact that he was in awe of the small transformation made it all worth it. Almost all of the pictures he took on his phone are me from behind.
Spur of the moment put us in Hawaii. There wasn't time to get a new hair cut, or a new wardrobe. I wore the same clothes I wore last summer in El Paso, and I rocked them.
We had an opportunity to grow closer, to enjoy each other, and even while there he encouraged me to do something every day. We walked on the beach, the tourist strip, I held plank in the hotel room, I even showed off my ability to do burpees.
I earned this shirt. I showed up to every R.I.P.P.E.D. class that I could. I pushed myself, and I stepped outside of my box. I let myself rest on the weekends, and worked hard during the week. Now I have the shirt to prove that I worked for it, I earned it. This shirt makes me feel sexy and powerful and it doesn't matter that I'm a mom of three, my body will continue to transform. That is my goal.
This is me on the 4th of July. The amazing thing about this picture is that I am sporting unwashed for two days hair. I am giving a toast to myself for my hard work. I am relishing the fact that I am becoming a confident woman.
And here I am after a long weekend of mostly binge watching television shows. My alarm didn't go off. I woke up with a little over thirty minutes to get myself and my kids ready. And the kicker is I had taken showers during the weekend, but I didn't shave, so I couldn't wear my tank tops. It wasn't the best outfit, but hey I made it to class and I pushed through it.
I am ready to take charge, to become who I am meant to become. Most importantly I have a husband that supports me in my goals. Who loves me either way, but is glad I am taking charge of my health.
In the mornings of summer vacation I am up and ready to hit the gym. My kids go with me as they have to choice.
I traveled to Hawaii with my husband, and the fact that he was in awe of the small transformation made it all worth it. Almost all of the pictures he took on his phone are me from behind.
Spur of the moment put us in Hawaii. There wasn't time to get a new hair cut, or a new wardrobe. I wore the same clothes I wore last summer in El Paso, and I rocked them.
We had an opportunity to grow closer, to enjoy each other, and even while there he encouraged me to do something every day. We walked on the beach, the tourist strip, I held plank in the hotel room, I even showed off my ability to do burpees.
I earned this shirt. I showed up to every R.I.P.P.E.D. class that I could. I pushed myself, and I stepped outside of my box. I let myself rest on the weekends, and worked hard during the week. Now I have the shirt to prove that I worked for it, I earned it. This shirt makes me feel sexy and powerful and it doesn't matter that I'm a mom of three, my body will continue to transform. That is my goal.
This is me on the 4th of July. The amazing thing about this picture is that I am sporting unwashed for two days hair. I am giving a toast to myself for my hard work. I am relishing the fact that I am becoming a confident woman.
And here I am after a long weekend of mostly binge watching television shows. My alarm didn't go off. I woke up with a little over thirty minutes to get myself and my kids ready. And the kicker is I had taken showers during the weekend, but I didn't shave, so I couldn't wear my tank tops. It wasn't the best outfit, but hey I made it to class and I pushed through it.
Find your inner strength and get up and get going.
Monday, July 4, 2016
Our Holiday Weekend
I am ever so boring. Quite odd and all of that. I turned down three Fourth of July invites.
Yes, that was me.
The hubby is overseas and I am in a quaint little town that is actually becoming a bigger town. Small town politics rule the day and it is all about who you know. I know plenty of people, just not the right people, not the people that matter.
I have sat in my house for days binge watching a television series. Now, I have been outside of my house too. I have taken the kids on outings, but today, not today. The highlight of our celebration was running to the grocery store for a free cookie for the kids, eggs, and tortillas. So very exciting I am.
The solitude of my house is rather comforting. No need to laugh or be involved. Not really a need to shower or get dressed. I am blessed that my kids have gone along with this plan. They do have tablets to occupy them.
A feeble attempt to mow the lawn. Twice side tracked, once to buy clothing from a sales page, and once by rain.
Happy oiling I have been on this quiet day. Blending away my essential oils and feeling the calming effects. Sprayed the dog with the anti-flea blend, yep, bye-bye fleas. He still needs a bath.
It has rained, looks to be more rain on the way. All the linens in my house are clean and fresh and my sweet little daughter unmade each bed.
Cleaned out closets, added sales post to a sales page. Checked facebook a million times. Posted pictures and played a game. Watched the news, cooked a small lunch. Fishsticks burned so badly the dog wouldn't touch them, kids didn't seem to notice. Hurray for tablets!
Need to clean kitchen. Will tackle that next. Going to watch more mindless television and eat ice cream. Kids will sleep in their rooms and tonight I will sleep well.
Talked to hubby, pray I made sense. Tackled the confusion of our minds and walked down a path of dreams for our future. Not quite sure we are walking in the same direction on the path that we are on.
Looming in my near future is a tiny adventure. One I am ready for, but hesitant to begin. Excited for the upcoming hugs and laughter, praying there are no tears or awkwardness.
I am in love. I am feeling beautiful and sexy and the fact that 40 is looming large is not scaring me. Like a powerful lion I am on the savannah awaiting the prey and ready to tackle it all. I am mighty!
There is no point to this, just the desire to share how randomness lives and thrives inside of my brain on quiet days spent inside my house away from other adults.
Be safe out there
July 4 2016
Yes, that was me.
The hubby is overseas and I am in a quaint little town that is actually becoming a bigger town. Small town politics rule the day and it is all about who you know. I know plenty of people, just not the right people, not the people that matter.
I have sat in my house for days binge watching a television series. Now, I have been outside of my house too. I have taken the kids on outings, but today, not today. The highlight of our celebration was running to the grocery store for a free cookie for the kids, eggs, and tortillas. So very exciting I am.
The solitude of my house is rather comforting. No need to laugh or be involved. Not really a need to shower or get dressed. I am blessed that my kids have gone along with this plan. They do have tablets to occupy them.
A feeble attempt to mow the lawn. Twice side tracked, once to buy clothing from a sales page, and once by rain.
Happy oiling I have been on this quiet day. Blending away my essential oils and feeling the calming effects. Sprayed the dog with the anti-flea blend, yep, bye-bye fleas. He still needs a bath.
It has rained, looks to be more rain on the way. All the linens in my house are clean and fresh and my sweet little daughter unmade each bed.
Cleaned out closets, added sales post to a sales page. Checked facebook a million times. Posted pictures and played a game. Watched the news, cooked a small lunch. Fishsticks burned so badly the dog wouldn't touch them, kids didn't seem to notice. Hurray for tablets!
Need to clean kitchen. Will tackle that next. Going to watch more mindless television and eat ice cream. Kids will sleep in their rooms and tonight I will sleep well.
Talked to hubby, pray I made sense. Tackled the confusion of our minds and walked down a path of dreams for our future. Not quite sure we are walking in the same direction on the path that we are on.
Looming in my near future is a tiny adventure. One I am ready for, but hesitant to begin. Excited for the upcoming hugs and laughter, praying there are no tears or awkwardness.
I am in love. I am feeling beautiful and sexy and the fact that 40 is looming large is not scaring me. Like a powerful lion I am on the savannah awaiting the prey and ready to tackle it all. I am mighty!
There is no point to this, just the desire to share how randomness lives and thrives inside of my brain on quiet days spent inside my house away from other adults.
Be safe out there
July 4 2016
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