In the dead of night I am sleeping soundly. From somewhere outside of the depths of sleep the sound of barking dogs begins to filter in and register with the mind. I finally wake up enough to access the situation.
I hear dogs loudly barking. I hear them clearly enough that it means they are close to my house. My Chihuahua is still in his basket. I do not hear him stirring. Minutes tick by and I realize that the dogs are going nowhere fast and I must run them off or else face two cranky children.
Heading the laundry room to grab the bleach cleaning spray. Once in the front of the house I realize that the dogs are actually in my yard.
Upon opening the door a very yappy beagle sees me and makes a run for home barking all the way up the hill. No lights in his house come on and I realize that most likely they let the dogs out and fell back to sleep. The other dog, is one that I have been trying to intimidate for months. He loves to poop in my yard where my kids will step in it.
I look back at the clock 3:23a.m.
Really???
So I holler out the door at the dog who can't hear me over his own barking. I open the back door, and there he is between my two cars almost to my back porch. He retreats to the road where he continues barking and staring me down. I begin to throw rocks in his direction and he slowly backs away barking and staring until he finally runs away.
It is now 3:30a.m. and I am wide awake. I try to lie in bed and force myself to go to sleep, but it doesn't work. I did script a text message though.
"Hi, at 3:20a.m. your dogs were out again. They were in my yard again. Only this time they were barking loud enough I am sure they could have raised the dead. Since neither of my children or even my dog were woken up my this racket, I think you should feel relieved. Should this have happened, I might not have sent a quaint message, but rather banged on your door in the dead of night. Your beagle is by far the loudest dog I have ever encountered. How odd that I own a Chihuahua but you would never know it because he doesn't bark, unlike your beagle that is constantly barking every time it gets loose. He was barking in front of my house, I guess to alert your other dog. The alpha male who thinks he owns this entire street behind your house. Little do you know, I have been in a battle of wills with him for months. I slowly follow him down the road should I see him when I am in my car. I don't get close to him, but he knows that I see him and that I want to be the dominate entity on this stretch of my road. I will sit idling in front of him for minutes at a time. I also enjoy spraying the bleach cleaner in his general direction when I see him in my yard taking a crap. I know you don't care because you let him out all of the time. I know you are probably thankful that he doesn't crap in your yard, but rather in someone else's yard. Last night he was in my driveway, right between my cars, almost to the steps of my deck. I believe he was barking to see if he could rouse my little Chihuahua so that it would come outside and he could stand in his haughty stance and glare at him. But you see my dog is rather well behaved and on the rare occasion he is outside he doesn't stray up the hill into your yard, instead your dog comes to my house to chase him. My dog also doesn't bark and he certainly doesn't run the neighborhood at all hours of the night. Should he run outside to take a quick pee, he can't wait to get back inside. This business with your dogs is becoming quite the issue and I implore you to take better care of your dogs. This is your getting seriously ticked neighbor down the hill."
Not being able to sleep, and knowing that the neighbor doesn't really care, I begin to read my book until I am finally able to fall asleep.
Disclaimer: No dogs have been hurt or will ever be hurt. They may annoy me, but I find ways to annoy them without harming them. I would never purposely hurt an animal, not even one that refuses to acknowledge that I am alpha female in my yard.
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