Youth Slipping Away

Who am I
  Lost in a whirl of memories and happening now

Feeling the youth slipping away, the music attempting to burst forth from my soul
 falling flat.

Empty radio stations, old CDs
 nothing that can speak the volumes that are straining at the restraints

A tired routine
 day in and day out
   the same tiny strip of road.

My life contained between an elementary school and my house.

Fear or depression
 maybe loneliness
  where is my desire to be free? To sing and dance

I wish to feel ALIVE
 I feel confused, lost, sad, angry, happy, in love

I am all that I never dreamed I would be

I used to be cool before the Saturn Ion or the minivan

The music used to vibrate from my soul out into the world
 the story of my life was there for all to see
  it was not confined to and endless winter and spring with lying sunshine and never ending rain

I am wilting
 like a flower
  my youth is over

Middle age
 yes I am there
  knocking on that door of old age

My soul is in denial
 I want to be the bad ass chick
  certainly the powerful woman mom who rocked it at the gym

Losing my identity
 each endless second that ticks by

Losing my identity
 through dreams and nightmares

Each day I rise I feel a certain way that I cannot name. A memory my body is not letting go, but not fully brining forth.

I wish to lose myself just one day night
 to become the fire breathing being that I used to be
  that anger grips my heart tightly some days

Cursing at the moon the stars the wind
 I feel it like a breathing dragon
  like the goddess I used to think I was

Sinner that I was
 Mother and wife that I am

Be content
Be thankful
Embrace the new era
 Feel forever Thirty not the eleven years more
Grasp every moment and unleash the fire

Olivia J Stuart
June 1 2017