May 19, 1995
I graduated high school.
An inwardly angry and self-centered young lady. One who had the potential to love, and to be so much more.
Full of unrealized potential, dreams that slipped through fingers like sand.
Join the Marines, be an MP.
It all changed in Art History.
It all goes back to the moment I chose Typing Two over English Composition.
Fear
Of the unknown and applying myself.
To stand out meant that those who enjoyed singling me out would have no trouble finding me.
Lack of full parental support at home and a combative mother at.
The one true best friend I ever had moved away in 8th grade.
I had a circle, we called ourselves the Black Triangle. We wore all black, we hung out on the weekends.
Senior year things started to shift.
"True love" had found me.
A job that I was sure could carry me into the future. Hardees, a shift supervisor. Too young and immature to fully embrace the opportunity.
When my mother made a decision to require more rent than I made in a week, it became a push.
Away I went to live with my true love. In tumult and stress and no idea how to be adults.
If I were to have the chance to go back and change things where would I start?
Probably that day in fourth grade where I was sitting outside with my friends during recess. To the moment they were discussing college, and my Dad's words came out of my mouth. "I won't go to college"
Well guess what? I didn't.
I struggled so hard to fit in. To dress like all the other girls, to have the perfect hair and makeup. Oh and a boyfriend.
Boys were not naturally drawn to me. In fact most of them avoided me like the plague.
I walked a different path, a silent self-destructing path that only my closest friends knew about.
Pain turned my heart dark.
Hurt made me lash out too easily.
Fear made me avoid things that could change my path.
And I did not know God
If I could go back, I would have changed this, that my father would have taken us to church. That I could have no fear and would have played ball, or run track.
I would steer clear of those who had no ambition, who broke the rules even though I did not. I was lost and had no idea I was lost.
I would have applied myself in school. Studied harder. Volunteered more. I would have taken English Composition and the Computer Class.
Instead of choosing classes that kept me to a lunch time with friends. And a class that could lay the foundation for college and future employment.
For me it was surviving. It was reaching my magical 18th birthday. It was becoming free of my mother and what I thought was my fathers over dominance.
Graduation would have seen me heading into the Marines, and college classes on the side. Yes, I would have conquered the world.
But God had a plan. I walked this path in order to become the me that I am now.
I experienced a lot of pain and loss and heart ache. Most due to bad decisions. Very often turning away from God when he tried to reach me.
Even after my oldest was born I wanted to be good.
But I felt I was bad to the core and bad girls don't get happy endings.
The few opportunities I had to improve my situation, I blew them. I ran off the good guys. I manipulated them.
Once enrolled in a Tech School I blew it. It was hard for me. I was a single mom. I was working after school. I was tired. I was lonely. I wanted someone to understand. So when introduced to the party scene, well it seemed like the way to go.
Yes, I have let dreams go.
I have also picked up the pieces and moved on.
I am a mother of three, finally enrolled in college classes. I am married to an amazing man chosen for my by God. Through him I have learned to become a much kinder and more understanding person and how better to eat, cook, and save money.
I am finally living the dream that all those before tried to crush. I am a stay at home mom. I do make cookies, and sweet breads. I am becoming quite proficient at navigating my way around the kitchen.
My strengths are far different than they were 20 years ago.
Forgiveness was hard to come by, more so to forgive myself. My children are my life. My husband is my rock.
I am no longer bound to that tiny little town where I was just getting by. I am learning to live in a big city. I am learning to rely on God, on my fellow peers, and most importantly my husband.
Still close to my dad, but at a distance. Still very little hope for a new relationship with my mother, but the distance keeps me sane and safe from the darkness that wants my soul.
God is great.
He saves even those that are lost and buried in the darkness.
He throws them a life line and even when they are disobedient he is there with a hand out ready to save them from themselves.
This is not anywhere close to what I thought I would write. But it is worded exactly the way it needs to be.
If you are graduating high school, know now that the path to true adulthood is not paved. There are no clear signs on how to proceed. You make decisions and you must learn to live with the consequences whether they be good or bad.
At nearly 39 I finally feel like I have come into my own. I finally feel like I am adult. My confidence is still struggling but it is stronger than ever before.
I still suffer from body image issues and self worth issues, but I am over coming them. I am learning how to manage my anxiety. I am learning to let go and let God. I have accepted that I may never hear my mother say "I love you" and mean it.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son so that we could be saved from sin
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Monday, May 11, 2015
Facing the Overwhelming
Things are getting real crazy at La Casa de Manjarrez
Each day I add things to an already full calendar. I often find that I have double booked time slots. There is so much that I want to do, so much that I need to do.
I am the main house keeper, I do the laundry, which also includes putting it way. I am so thankful that my hubby helps with cooking sometimes and does homework with our son.
I often find myself cleaning poop and pee up over and over. I listen to kids arguing, I listen to cartoons far to much. The ECI teacher insists that I need to have my daughter doing a sit down task at least once a day. But I don't see her trying to work on Non-Majors Biology while cleaning poop and pee and scheduling appointments and making sure that there is milk and eggs in the house and also running the other child to therapy appointments.
So badly do I want to build my Doterra business. I want to share more than I do. But I don't have the time or the oils to really make it do what I want it to do. I often feel stuck or overwhelmed. Meetings to learn how to make this work aren't an option when you don't have childcare because child care is an added expense. Plus hubby really doesn't want to watch kids for two hours after having been at work all day. He recently started English Composition I, which is a very hard class.
Today the dog needs a bath.
I went to an appointment for myself. It was a pre-op and took nearly two hours. Coming out of the appointment made me feel lost and scared and alone. I won't have nearly the amount of help that I feel like I will need. I denied heavy pain medication because exactly seven days after surgery my hubby will be in the field for two weeks.
This leaves me alone.
Alone with two kids, one at school, one at home.
Therapy appointments and any other appointments that may need to be added and don't forget my Biology and any assistance my hubby may need with is class.
Where am I in all this?
6-8 weeks before I will be back to my normal busy self.
But the housecleaning, laundry, errands, cooking, biology, Doterra, helping hubby, beginning packing and whatever else needs doing will still need doing.
And there is me!
I am not super woman! Not even close, I pray that God will give me the strength that I will need to overcome this hurdle. To be strong when I am at my weakest. To not give in but to admit when I have reached my limit and can handle no more for that day.
My circumstances are not unique, not by a long shot. I am merely one woman plodding along this walk called life and every day trials.
I just happen to be 26 hours from my family and friends that would normally help me.
Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength
Each day I add things to an already full calendar. I often find that I have double booked time slots. There is so much that I want to do, so much that I need to do.
I am the main house keeper, I do the laundry, which also includes putting it way. I am so thankful that my hubby helps with cooking sometimes and does homework with our son.
I often find myself cleaning poop and pee up over and over. I listen to kids arguing, I listen to cartoons far to much. The ECI teacher insists that I need to have my daughter doing a sit down task at least once a day. But I don't see her trying to work on Non-Majors Biology while cleaning poop and pee and scheduling appointments and making sure that there is milk and eggs in the house and also running the other child to therapy appointments.
So badly do I want to build my Doterra business. I want to share more than I do. But I don't have the time or the oils to really make it do what I want it to do. I often feel stuck or overwhelmed. Meetings to learn how to make this work aren't an option when you don't have childcare because child care is an added expense. Plus hubby really doesn't want to watch kids for two hours after having been at work all day. He recently started English Composition I, which is a very hard class.
Today the dog needs a bath.
I went to an appointment for myself. It was a pre-op and took nearly two hours. Coming out of the appointment made me feel lost and scared and alone. I won't have nearly the amount of help that I feel like I will need. I denied heavy pain medication because exactly seven days after surgery my hubby will be in the field for two weeks.
This leaves me alone.
Alone with two kids, one at school, one at home.
Therapy appointments and any other appointments that may need to be added and don't forget my Biology and any assistance my hubby may need with is class.
Where am I in all this?
6-8 weeks before I will be back to my normal busy self.
But the housecleaning, laundry, errands, cooking, biology, Doterra, helping hubby, beginning packing and whatever else needs doing will still need doing.
And there is me!
I am not super woman! Not even close, I pray that God will give me the strength that I will need to overcome this hurdle. To be strong when I am at my weakest. To not give in but to admit when I have reached my limit and can handle no more for that day.
My circumstances are not unique, not by a long shot. I am merely one woman plodding along this walk called life and every day trials.
I just happen to be 26 hours from my family and friends that would normally help me.
Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Mother's Day Jitters
It's here, Mother's Day. Am I excited? Or hoping for a huge surprise? Even better, do you think that I am in anticipation that it will be different than any other day?
The answer is NO.
I will still be the one that wakes up early with the kids. The hubby will appear closer to nine after the kids have been awake for at least two hours. We will cook breakfast together.
This is one of the holidays that I really struggle with. I get knots in my stomach because I want it to be such a magical day, but it rarely is.
On Mother's day this year we will be celebrating our son's sixth birthday. It was my idea. We want to take him to Chucky Cheese and on this particular day it should be nearly empty. Plus it will deflect most attention away from me.
I cannot deal with this day.
My oldest son was born nearly 15 years ago. My first Mother's Day was spent at a park with him, my sister and my Dad. My dad was there mostly out of pity. When you have a child out of wedlock, and the father of the child isn't around, well there isn't really anyone left to celebrate the day with you. My son picked up my old 35mml camera and tossed it into the creek just like the rocks he had been throwing.
The year he turned three I celebrated Mother's Day the night before at a bar. I got super drunk, rode home with a friend, puked in their car, they helped me put on a fresh shirt, none of this do I remember. I stumbled hung over into my job at the library only to try and hide in the corners for the entire four hours I was there.
Years later I had a semi-memorable mother's day as I was expecting my second son. I was huge. My hubby went to work, I took my older son to church. We came home. My husband was a waiter and had to work that day, he did bring me home a rose. The next day we welcomed our son. A few days before this I did get some Paris Hilton perfume and a bag.
As time goes forward, each Mother's day has just been a day. We may go out to eat at a very crowded restaurant. Or like last year I suffered a huge migraine, but laundry had to be done. We did eat out, but once coming back to our apartment, I had to face reality. I got that laundry started, waited for it to be put in the washer and then took a small nap. It was such a frustrating day. I was so angry.
I should be appreciative of all that I have. Three beautiful children, one of which I haven't talked to in a week, which is starting to weigh me down. I have a husband who works and allows me to stay home with the kids. Never mind that this also includes all the house work, breakfast, and supper most days, and now I am trying to go to school.
So many days I spend angry. Angry at my situation. I cannot figure out where this anger comes from. Or the self-loathing that I very often feel.
I am fat and disgusting because my muffin top is the size of a three month pregnancy. I am angry because I need to mop the floors almost every day due to my daughter's potty training accidents. I am angry because I have no control of the next chapter of my life and everything is being turned upside down.
Yet I am in love with my husband, love my children and love being at home with them. I try to find the positives. But maybe I am not trying hard enough. Most everyone says that unhappiness comes from the lack of God in your life. But I struggle so much with this.
I love God, I believe Jesus died on the Cross for my sins. I do unto others as I would have them do unto me. I do not covet my neighbors spouse. Yes, I do have some jealousy. But let's be honest my husband has a rocking body for a 31 year old and he is funny and mysterious in a way that would attract a lot of women. And there is me. Long wild hair, old clothes that don't fit so well, barely there makeup, outgoing, dedicated, hard working, loyal, yet dumpy in appearance.
I've tried to get help, but I don't feel like that is working. I just want to go to a therapist and talk and talk and talk about everything. I want to get my anger at my own mother that I sometimes harbor out. I want to forgive her and I think that I have, but then Mother's day rolls around.
Then I must go to the card section and find a card that is the least amount of sappy and a lie. I must find something that will hopefully reach her and make her smile. My husband asked me if I wanted to send $50 dollars to my mother. I actually snorted in response! Not happening ! I was happy with the choice of a roller bottle of essential oils for stress.
And I know I have to call her tomorrow. I have to act like I am happy and that I actually care, but do I? All the while I will be carrying on with my normal day. Nothing will make it stand out from any other day.
Deuteronomy 5:16 Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go will with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
The answer is NO.
I will still be the one that wakes up early with the kids. The hubby will appear closer to nine after the kids have been awake for at least two hours. We will cook breakfast together.
This is one of the holidays that I really struggle with. I get knots in my stomach because I want it to be such a magical day, but it rarely is.
On Mother's day this year we will be celebrating our son's sixth birthday. It was my idea. We want to take him to Chucky Cheese and on this particular day it should be nearly empty. Plus it will deflect most attention away from me.
I cannot deal with this day.
My oldest son was born nearly 15 years ago. My first Mother's Day was spent at a park with him, my sister and my Dad. My dad was there mostly out of pity. When you have a child out of wedlock, and the father of the child isn't around, well there isn't really anyone left to celebrate the day with you. My son picked up my old 35mml camera and tossed it into the creek just like the rocks he had been throwing.
The year he turned three I celebrated Mother's Day the night before at a bar. I got super drunk, rode home with a friend, puked in their car, they helped me put on a fresh shirt, none of this do I remember. I stumbled hung over into my job at the library only to try and hide in the corners for the entire four hours I was there.
Years later I had a semi-memorable mother's day as I was expecting my second son. I was huge. My hubby went to work, I took my older son to church. We came home. My husband was a waiter and had to work that day, he did bring me home a rose. The next day we welcomed our son. A few days before this I did get some Paris Hilton perfume and a bag.
As time goes forward, each Mother's day has just been a day. We may go out to eat at a very crowded restaurant. Or like last year I suffered a huge migraine, but laundry had to be done. We did eat out, but once coming back to our apartment, I had to face reality. I got that laundry started, waited for it to be put in the washer and then took a small nap. It was such a frustrating day. I was so angry.
I should be appreciative of all that I have. Three beautiful children, one of which I haven't talked to in a week, which is starting to weigh me down. I have a husband who works and allows me to stay home with the kids. Never mind that this also includes all the house work, breakfast, and supper most days, and now I am trying to go to school.
So many days I spend angry. Angry at my situation. I cannot figure out where this anger comes from. Or the self-loathing that I very often feel.
I am fat and disgusting because my muffin top is the size of a three month pregnancy. I am angry because I need to mop the floors almost every day due to my daughter's potty training accidents. I am angry because I have no control of the next chapter of my life and everything is being turned upside down.
Yet I am in love with my husband, love my children and love being at home with them. I try to find the positives. But maybe I am not trying hard enough. Most everyone says that unhappiness comes from the lack of God in your life. But I struggle so much with this.
I love God, I believe Jesus died on the Cross for my sins. I do unto others as I would have them do unto me. I do not covet my neighbors spouse. Yes, I do have some jealousy. But let's be honest my husband has a rocking body for a 31 year old and he is funny and mysterious in a way that would attract a lot of women. And there is me. Long wild hair, old clothes that don't fit so well, barely there makeup, outgoing, dedicated, hard working, loyal, yet dumpy in appearance.
I've tried to get help, but I don't feel like that is working. I just want to go to a therapist and talk and talk and talk about everything. I want to get my anger at my own mother that I sometimes harbor out. I want to forgive her and I think that I have, but then Mother's day rolls around.
Then I must go to the card section and find a card that is the least amount of sappy and a lie. I must find something that will hopefully reach her and make her smile. My husband asked me if I wanted to send $50 dollars to my mother. I actually snorted in response! Not happening ! I was happy with the choice of a roller bottle of essential oils for stress.
And I know I have to call her tomorrow. I have to act like I am happy and that I actually care, but do I? All the while I will be carrying on with my normal day. Nothing will make it stand out from any other day.
Deuteronomy 5:16 Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go will with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Banana Bread with the kids
The husband had been asking for more banana muffins. Every week I cooked a batch of muffins, but they were not banana and he was feeling left out. So I made muffins one day and he said it is my wish that you would make muffins with nuts.
I generally don't cook with nuts that way they are edible for all people. I decided I would make an exception and began to mentally prepare myself. I also bought the walnuts at the store so I would have them on hand when I finally decided I would make them.
Now I'm the kind of person that very often has to tell herself over and over that a task will be taken on and completed. This could go anywhere from actually calling my mom or sister to cleaning the entire house, not just one bathroom. So I decided on a Sunday to make these muffins.
On this particular Sunday I woke up not feeling my best. I had a nagging headache which I used doTerra Peppermint essential oil on several times throughout the day. It works wonderfully by the way.
I also felt exhausted. It's been a busy couple of weeks here. Weekends are spent with little to no help from hubby. This isn't because he is sitting around relaxing, it is because he has to work a lot lately. Mentally I felt exhausted and physically.
So I set about getting things together. The kids jumped at the opportunity. Both of them love being involved with muffin making. The challenge was me not feeling the my very best and knowing that my well meaning kids would be in the kitchen attempting to help.
I said a little prayer asked the Lord to get me through, and you know he did. :)
I put my daughter on a stool on the left side of the counter and my son on the right side. I gave each of them a task and helped them to follow through.
My daughter also decided that she should try and lick everything, if she wasn't trying to lick something, she was trying to dip her finger in it. Thankfully these muffins were going to be only for us to consume because I am fairly certain we were not up to health codes with her licking her finger every five seconds.
Yes multiple hand washing sessions were included in the process of mixing the muffins.
At some point in this process I told my son that we would be putting nuts in the muffin mix. And then someone how we ended up talking about Poppy's nut, which nearly reduced me to laughter, but somehow I kept it together.
All three of us survived and no one was reduced to tears, which is an awesome feat!
We all ended up enjoying our time together in the kitchen. My daughter loved the blowback from the hand mixer and my son loved filling up the measuring cups.
I am thankful that I have children that want to learn how to navigate a kitchen. I am working through the great anxiety that this causes me. I remind myself over and over that I do not want to be my mother. She was unable to patience my sister and I out. She needed to have control over every aspect of cooking. Plus she really didn't know how to follow a recipe in order to make it from scratch.
Be kind to your kids when they come rushing into the kitchen to help, let them, teach them and cherish each and every moment.
My pictures are of both kids getting a chance to hold the hand mixer all by themselves
for more information about doTerra Peppermint essential oil you may go to http://mydoterra.com/bonniemanjarrez
I generally don't cook with nuts that way they are edible for all people. I decided I would make an exception and began to mentally prepare myself. I also bought the walnuts at the store so I would have them on hand when I finally decided I would make them.
Now I'm the kind of person that very often has to tell herself over and over that a task will be taken on and completed. This could go anywhere from actually calling my mom or sister to cleaning the entire house, not just one bathroom. So I decided on a Sunday to make these muffins.
On this particular Sunday I woke up not feeling my best. I had a nagging headache which I used doTerra Peppermint essential oil on several times throughout the day. It works wonderfully by the way.
I also felt exhausted. It's been a busy couple of weeks here. Weekends are spent with little to no help from hubby. This isn't because he is sitting around relaxing, it is because he has to work a lot lately. Mentally I felt exhausted and physically.
So I set about getting things together. The kids jumped at the opportunity. Both of them love being involved with muffin making. The challenge was me not feeling the my very best and knowing that my well meaning kids would be in the kitchen attempting to help.
I said a little prayer asked the Lord to get me through, and you know he did. :)
I put my daughter on a stool on the left side of the counter and my son on the right side. I gave each of them a task and helped them to follow through.
My daughter also decided that she should try and lick everything, if she wasn't trying to lick something, she was trying to dip her finger in it. Thankfully these muffins were going to be only for us to consume because I am fairly certain we were not up to health codes with her licking her finger every five seconds.
Yes multiple hand washing sessions were included in the process of mixing the muffins.
At some point in this process I told my son that we would be putting nuts in the muffin mix. And then someone how we ended up talking about Poppy's nut, which nearly reduced me to laughter, but somehow I kept it together.
All three of us survived and no one was reduced to tears, which is an awesome feat!
We all ended up enjoying our time together in the kitchen. My daughter loved the blowback from the hand mixer and my son loved filling up the measuring cups.
I am thankful that I have children that want to learn how to navigate a kitchen. I am working through the great anxiety that this causes me. I remind myself over and over that I do not want to be my mother. She was unable to patience my sister and I out. She needed to have control over every aspect of cooking. Plus she really didn't know how to follow a recipe in order to make it from scratch.
Be kind to your kids when they come rushing into the kitchen to help, let them, teach them and cherish each and every moment.
My pictures are of both kids getting a chance to hold the hand mixer all by themselves
for more information about doTerra Peppermint essential oil you may go to http://mydoterra.com/bonniemanjarrez
Romans 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril or sword
Shaving Cream that Will Last
I find myself buying shaving cream, or baby oil at least twice a month due to the crazy amount of times I shave my legs. Every day! This is something that I have been trying to find an alternative to. Baby Oil makes your bathtub very slick (I shave in the shower) and to me Shaving Cream dries my skin out.
Of course I turned to Pinterest to find an alternative and something that could utilize my doTerra essential oils. I was not disappointed. The best part was I would only need one ingredient from the store.
Shaving Cream with doTerra essential oils:
2/3 cup Shea nut oil or Shea butter
2/3 cup coconut oil
1/4 cup olive oil or grape seed oil
10-20 drops of your favorite essential oil
2 table spoons of baking soda
I mixed everything up in a large mixing bowl. For the essential oils I added 10 drops of balance and 10 drops of serenity. My reasoning is those are my go to stress relief oils and I love the smell of them.
After it was finished I wanted to shave right then, but did wait until the next morning. It smelled wonderful, and it left my skin feeling smooth, not oily.
For more information on essential oils please email me at bmanjarrez2@gmail.com
Romans 13:10 Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
Of course I turned to Pinterest to find an alternative and something that could utilize my doTerra essential oils. I was not disappointed. The best part was I would only need one ingredient from the store.
Shaving Cream with doTerra essential oils:
2/3 cup Shea nut oil or Shea butter
2/3 cup coconut oil
1/4 cup olive oil or grape seed oil
10-20 drops of your favorite essential oil
2 table spoons of baking soda
I mixed everything up in a large mixing bowl. For the essential oils I added 10 drops of balance and 10 drops of serenity. My reasoning is those are my go to stress relief oils and I love the smell of them.
After it was finished I wanted to shave right then, but did wait until the next morning. It smelled wonderful, and it left my skin feeling smooth, not oily.
For more information on essential oils please email me at bmanjarrez2
Romans 13:10 Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
Monday, May 4, 2015
The Flan Attempt
Recently I saw a commercial on TV that showed Flan. This is supposed to be an open pastry or sponge cake containing a sweet or savory filling. Typical Flan is round and usually coated with sweet syrup. For whatever reason I decided this was something I needed to make for my husband. He loves Flan.
Of course I found myself of Pinterest searching easy Mexican Flan Recipes. I was also looking for the ones that had very few ingredients. I found one at http://shewearsmanyhats.com/easy-flan-recipe/
The opening line was "This creamy flan is easy to prepare and can be made up to 3 days in advance."
Once I printed out the recipe there was no stopping me. I just needed to have the time to make it and I wanted it to be a surprise.
Ingredients:
1 quart + 1/4 cup of water
1 cup granulated sugar
1 package (8 oz) light cream cheese, softened
4 large eggs
1 can (12oz) evaporated milk
1can (14oz) sweetened condensed milk
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract.
I am thinking to myself, okay, easy, I have this! A quick run to the grocery store for the only ingredient I didn't have at home, the sweetened condensed milk. I have a plan. I know I will succeed.
Instructions:
1) preheat oven to 325 degrees
2) bring 1 quart of water to a boil
3) In a saucepan, whisk together constantly 1/4 cup of water, and sugar and bring to a boil. (I knew at this point it was most likely a true Mexican recipe because most Mexican recipes include the words "Stir Constantly") As soon as mixture begins to boil, stop whisking, lower temperature to medium and let simmer until it turns golden brown, 10-15 minutes. (I began having issues at this point. I wasn't sure I whisked enough, and I wasn't sure what exactly it meant by golden brown) Pour mixture into a 9-inch deep dish pie pan (or individual oven safe ramekins), set in a roasting pan or deep baking pan large enough to accommodate the dish(es) I was lost by this point, but I had reached the point of no return.
While boiling the sugar water mix I watched the mixture take on several different consistencies, it was like a science project. I finally ended up with a thick syrupy mixture that I failed to place in the bottom of my pan, and to make matters worse I had a bread pan, not a pie pan!
4) While the water/sugar mixture is simmering, beat the cream cheese in a large mixing bowl until smooth.
5) add eggs, one at a time, stopping to scrape down the sides of the mixing bowl after each egg is added
6) add evaporated and condensed milk, and vanilla and mix until combined well
These steps were easy for me. I had a solid understanding of them.
7) Put roasting pan in oven and pour cream cheese mixture into pie plate (or individual ramekins). Pour hot water in the bottom of the roasting pan to reach about halfway up the pie plate (or ramekins). Bake until flan is jiggly but not watery, about 1 hour. (Reduce baking time to about 45-50 if using the individual ramekins)
8) Remove from oven, cool and refrigerate until ready to serve. Run a small knife around perimeter of the pie plate to loosen sides and invert onto a rimmed platter or plate. Cut into pieces and serve.
Lucky for me the hubby got home before it was ready to pull out of the oven because I was not in the least sure what it meant by "jiggly" He was impressed that flan was in the oven and even more impressed that it was a homemade flan and not one of the box mixes.
Once pulling it out of the oven, it smelled delicious. We placed it in the refrigerator to cool. Everything looked great right up to the moment that we removed it from the pan.
That is the moment that be began to feel pity for me, but respect for my drive to even attempt the recipe. Though it looked beyond ugly, it did taste pretty good.
This was what we could salvage of the flan. I didn't put the coating on the bottom I just poured it over the cheese mixture and that made it not cook correctly so that it could just be poured out of the pan with the sweet stuff on the top.
Mark 12:31 The second is this: "Love your neighbor as yourself." There is no greater commandment greater than this.
Of course I found myself of Pinterest searching easy Mexican Flan Recipes. I was also looking for the ones that had very few ingredients. I found one at http://shewearsmanyhats.com/easy-flan-recipe/
The opening line was "This creamy flan is easy to prepare and can be made up to 3 days in advance."
Once I printed out the recipe there was no stopping me. I just needed to have the time to make it and I wanted it to be a surprise.
Ingredients:
1 quart + 1/4 cup of water
1 cup granulated sugar
1 package (8 oz) light cream cheese, softened
4 large eggs
1 can (12oz) evaporated milk
1can (14oz) sweetened condensed milk
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract.
I am thinking to myself, okay, easy, I have this! A quick run to the grocery store for the only ingredient I didn't have at home, the sweetened condensed milk. I have a plan. I know I will succeed.
Instructions:
1) preheat oven to 325 degrees
2) bring 1 quart of water to a boil
3) In a saucepan, whisk together constantly 1/4 cup of water, and sugar and bring to a boil. (I knew at this point it was most likely a true Mexican recipe because most Mexican recipes include the words "Stir Constantly") As soon as mixture begins to boil, stop whisking, lower temperature to medium and let simmer until it turns golden brown, 10-15 minutes. (I began having issues at this point. I wasn't sure I whisked enough, and I wasn't sure what exactly it meant by golden brown) Pour mixture into a 9-inch deep dish pie pan (or individual oven safe ramekins), set in a roasting pan or deep baking pan large enough to accommodate the dish(es) I was lost by this point, but I had reached the point of no return.
While boiling the sugar water mix I watched the mixture take on several different consistencies, it was like a science project. I finally ended up with a thick syrupy mixture that I failed to place in the bottom of my pan, and to make matters worse I had a bread pan, not a pie pan!
4) While the water/sugar mixture is simmering, beat the cream cheese in a large mixing bowl until smooth.
5) add eggs, one at a time, stopping to scrape down the sides of the mixing bowl after each egg is added
6) add evaporated and condensed milk, and vanilla and mix until combined well
These steps were easy for me. I had a solid understanding of them.
7) Put roasting pan in oven and pour cream cheese mixture into pie plate (or individual ramekins). Pour hot water in the bottom of the roasting pan to reach about halfway up the pie plate (or ramekins). Bake until flan is jiggly but not watery, about 1 hour. (Reduce baking time to about 45-50 if using the individual ramekins)
8) Remove from oven, cool and refrigerate until ready to serve. Run a small knife around perimeter of the pie plate to loosen sides and invert onto a rimmed platter or plate. Cut into pieces and serve.
Lucky for me the hubby got home before it was ready to pull out of the oven because I was not in the least sure what it meant by "jiggly" He was impressed that flan was in the oven and even more impressed that it was a homemade flan and not one of the box mixes.
Once pulling it out of the oven, it smelled delicious. We placed it in the refrigerator to cool. Everything looked great right up to the moment that we removed it from the pan.
That is the moment that be began to feel pity for me, but respect for my drive to even attempt the recipe. Though it looked beyond ugly, it did taste pretty good.
Mark 12:31 The second is this: "Love your neighbor as yourself." There is no greater commandment greater than this.
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