The Crazy Things I Choose

I decided that on Saturday I should attempt to run three miles. I tried to run a little more at the gym during the week, but I am not sure that it was enough.

So I begin to have second thoughts on Friday despite the fact my Dad and my husband think this is such a great idea. Why not? I did run two 5Ks before ever even going to the gym. I personally think my husband was excited because he longs to have me as a running partner.

Saturday rolls around and I put my Soothing blend rub all over my feet, legs and knees. I drink a protein meal replacement shake and eat one slice of bacon. I cook a big breakfast for the kids and my Dad. My Dad will be timing me and chilling out with the kids as I proceed to torture myself.

 

We arrive at the lake to a perfectly cool overcast morning. As you can tell, I am ready to go.

I started my first lap dragging our little Chihuahua behind me. See it was supposed to be that he would stay with my Dad but we had a tiny snafu that meant he was coming with me lap one. It was tough on both of us. He was surely thinking that I had lost my mind because I certainly wasn't enjoying the scenery. I was trying to run as much as possible, but I was struggling.

Second lap and I drop the leash as I pass my daughter and my Dad. I thought I was coming into this lap strong, but later my Dad would tell me that was not the case. I ran what I considered to be a long way, but I guess in reality it really was not. I could feel my heart pounding, my face burning, (no cooling spray this time) I was rasping and gasping and crying out to God to help me through. As I am nearing the close of this lap I am fighting the battle to finish or not.

I hit my third lap knowing that I can do this. The worst is behind me and that from here on out I can say that I did it.

My run time was forty minutes. Two minutes faster than my first 5K and two minutes slower than my second 5k.

Always true to tact and saying like it is my Dad told me that after watching my horrible 14 minute one mile lap he was certain I would not do my run in 40 minutes, even more certain after watching me during the second mile. According to him my best mile was my last.

This is a horrible picture of me. I know I should not post something so horrible, but this is my way of sharing my very real struggle. I am trying to turn my out of shape 39 year old body into a running machine. Into something fit and ready to go the long haul as I plan to live a lot longer. But the struggle is real. I have many things that make this journey difficult, but I am determined to improve my after run look. I can do this!

After my run on Saturday, my Dad and I took the kids to the park to play. We walked a small trail. The kids threw rocks in a creek. It was again made horribly clear that I deprived my kids of the basics by spending so much time in El Paso. They are clueless when you take them to the woods and begin walking a trail. My daughter is afraid of mud. But we will overcome this!

Sunday dawned with horrible stomach pain and I wasn't able to get my sweet boy to church. Through my Dad and his friend's mom it worked and he won second place in his race car race at church.

I spent much of the morning after he left huddled on the couch or crying in the bathroom. I am not sure what spawned this horrible lower stomach pain, but it was a reality and it hurt so terribly bad. Much later in the day I made chili for the kids and I. We cuddled and watched TV and just relaxed.

Please pray for me as I continue this journey, but not just for my fitness and my health, but my spiritual well being. This is one area that I am truly struggling with.

February 22, 2016

The Unpredictables

As for the state of my mind and the way things are going, I should state that after returning to the gym a week ago, I think I am good.

I am still eating with wild abandon. I am sure it consists of an even mix of unhealthy cooked at home and unhealthy fast food. I cannot help myself. But the consolation is that I go to the gym do a massive work out that nearly leaves me incapacitated, and therefore the right to eat whatever I want to eat. Isn't that how it works?

I did skip church on Sunday, ha ha, my warm cozy bed a haven away from Love day.

But Monday I rose up from the ashes of my exile and made it a point to venture out. Out into the unending driving rain. I might add it was cold! I actually made three trips out.

One to the grocery store where immediately upon entering the door my daughter ran way. Ran straight to the bakery section, which was right by the door thankfully. Those free cookies have such a draw on these kids. We quickly made it through the store making sure to forget the one item I desperately needed: contact solution.

Home to cook lunch, because I was going to the gym. Success on all counts!

Back home to pick up my gym bag before heading to the gym.

Tuesday was a little more craziness as I added a trip to the Dollar Tree and a nice man bought my daughter a balloon that she really didn't need. Of course this caused an argument and crying fest after school with my son. This also caused us to almost not make it to the gym. This was also the day that I received a call from an old friend came home with my Dollar Tree goodies and while talking on the phone I ran into the house to drop off my stuff and wouldn't you know I locked my daughter and I out of the house. It took my Dad nearly thirty minutes to show up with a key to my house and lecture me about the necessity of a hidden key outside. I missed Bible Study. Sadly, I wasn't too sad about this development. I stayed inside of my house away from the rain until time to meet some friends and then I picked up my son. Making it to the gym is becoming my main goal and I am liking it.

Wednesday I just sat in my house all day long with my daughter and it was nice! We picked up my son and came home to prepare for church. Glad I went! I learned a lot about myself there and what exactly my actions and behavior are going to cause me. I could very well end up in the belly of a fish should I choose to continue on the dreadful path to Tar shish and away from Nineveh.

Now during my Bible study I did have a story to tell about this amazing couple from a church I had attended years ago. After the study I am trying to make a mad dash to retrieve my daughter who went wearing big girl panties. Of course I get stopped by this lady from class. So she asks me if I went to this particular church and when I respond yes, that is the one. She tells me she too went there. She was surprised that she did not recognize me from there and so to make light of the situation I begin to tell her about this couple that we always sat behind. And how every single Sunday during the greet your neighbor section, this lady would turn around thank us for visiting the church. I was laughing as I am telling this story until I see her husband walk up..... And I realize the lady from my story is the lady standing in front of me!!!!! I think her husband realized I was talking about her but I don't think she did right at that moment. Oh my gosh!!! I can not believe I put my foot in my mouth like that!

And today I was just happy to be up and about and full of life. My Dad came by to help me get our car to the repair shop since the breaks are bad. Now my Dad is a guy who thinks women need men to help them do everything and if they say that a car isn't working, then they must be wrong. So he gets to my house having a severe OCD trip because I want to take my car to the shop merely to get an estimate and I most likely will bring it home unrepaired and wait to do said repair on payday. He was giving me a long list of reasons why this was such a waste and complicated and unnecessary, but he helped me out anyway. So then he starts in on how the brakes are probably not that bad blah blah blah. Well wouldn't you know that one street later he calls to tell me how horrible they sound! Craziness!! So thankful for my Dad but so often he is either driving me batty, as I am sure I do him, or making me laugh.

We spent the day hanging out and trying to wrangle my daughter and yes I made it to Kickboxing!!
I also got the kids to run around the track several times.

So be blessed, find a host of reasons to be thankful and laugh. Yes laugh all day long!!!

February 18, 2016

Just Here

Sunday dawned sure and bright without being preceded by a sleepless night.

Early morning supposed to rise, instead I choose to sleep long past the alarm, long past what will get us to church.

I ask God for his forgiveness as I make a relaxed breakfast at the time we should be sitting down for service. I ask him to know my heart, to change my heart, to help me find my way to the sanctuary. Back into his fold.

Hardly am I lost, just stuck in the woods with little light reaching my inners. I long to hear his word, to be on fire, to have dove's eyes and to only focus on him.

Distractions come from everywhere and everyone.

I need to live and breathe and worship and love and lead and be a parent a sister a friend a daughter. I struggle at all of these roles.

I Love God I pray to God I read my Bible occasionally, I love Bible study I love sitting among the believers.

Somehow a retreat from there to here was made and the exact moment is unknown, though I often think it all began in March 2012.

I have come far I have further to go.

I am a wife. A happy wife. A satisfied wife.

I was a bride a Christ I love the book of Solomon. I know what the Bible says I must do. I know that Jesus is with me daily.

But then sometimes I get too overwhelmed. I need to retreat. I need to relax and unwind and be free from society's restraints and expectations. That means that whatever needs doing on that day will fall to the wayside.

An entire week of sitting on my couch. Sleeping away afternoons while my daughter runs amok in the house. A Chihuahua tucked up against me

This is no way to be no way to grow no way to love no way to find my way back

But it was what my body needed my heart needed my mind needed

All so that I could be just here

Here in my house on my couch in my jammies

It was nice but I am ready to make a comeback and to see my friends and to hit the gym and go to church.

I am ready to find my way back to the place I once was and long to be.

B. Alwildia Garcia
January 8, 2016

Post Valentines Day

Today is the day after Valentine's Day. Yesterday I woke up to both of my kids snuggled next to me and a grey dreary sky outside.

I woke up with plenty of time to get out of bed, shower, and get both kids dressed and fed for church. Instead I decided to read my Book. (War and Peace) I didn't really want to be surrounded by happy couples wearing cheery read sweaters and even worse hear the message of ultimate love. (I know, that is really bad)

Eventually we got out of bed and I made the kids a breakfast and sunk onto the couch to watch television. I watched lame haunting shows for several hours, probably an hour or so longer because my son was interested in them. Then we made a store bought pizza. This is something that the kids and I have not eaten in years! It was okay for what it was. My poor daughter wasn't too interested in it. She will grow into a food snob one day.

So then I began my "Love Story" marathon movie day with the DVR set to record more. The kids watched a movie in the back room.

Out of boredom I guess, my daughter was getting into everything! She poured an entire bottle of Maalox into the bathroom sink, dipped my hair tie and her brothers toothbrush plus an entire roll of toilet paper into the toilet. She also dumped out the toilet cleaner. It was a nightmare, but partially my fault for having stuff up high enough to inspire her to find her little stool and climb for it. I mean after all don't we want them to be good problem solvers?

By nearly 7 pm the lights began blinking. The first time they went out I was in the middle of  cleaning up the Maalox mess. The kids started crying when the house went dark and even the Chihuahua came running. The lights came back, but just a mere thirty minutes later they were out again. I went outside to see who had lights and was amazed to see that most of the city limits surrounding my house were out. But it was short lived, and by the time I tripped over every toy and piece of furniture and found a candle, they were back on.

I fed the kids hot dogs and my husband who was on video chat was annoyed at my laziness concerning food preparation. I ate popcorn and ice cream. I did give the kids a cookie. I would also like to add that breakfast was requested by the kids as pancakes. We made a day of comfort food.

Today I decided we would be more productive and we made it to the store and back despite the rain. Speech therapy is next and then I am going to pick up some bookshelves and work out at the Y.

Lunch was carrots, sausage and macaroni and cheese. My kids are pleased.

Lots of rain outside so this will make our little trip a little more dangerous, but we will be fine. I turned down the offer of my Dad to go with us because I don't want to deal with his desire to be dropped off to shop. I want to go and come back to town so I may hit the gym. I am also excited that I found two decent bookshelves for $20. I will be picking those up at the gym, and I know my Dad will be able to make them stronger.

The dreariness reflects perfectly how I feel in my heart. Been a little off my positive game plan and far off of the path to salvation. Again I feel I am losing my way and pray that I can find my way back.

February 15, 2016

Kicking All Night Long

The kids and I have been following a much busier schedule than we were following late last year. My daughter and I are especially on the move every day.

We wake up early,
 take E to school
  go to either her Speech Therapy, a Bible study, or the Gym, this is Monday-Friday.

We rest, well, she does, I may work on school work, pay bills, work on my essential oils business, or clean the house. Many times there is dinner preparation in there and almost always I have cooked my daughter an egg. Some days we are trying to catch the Lunch Crush.

By the time we get in the car to pick up E she is tired. I love this time because she will nap and I can sit quietly in the car checking Instagram, FaceBook, whatever. The music is pretty cool at this time of day as well.

When we get home it is either a rush to make another gym class or to make it to church. This usually entails a mad dash to get supper on the table or ready to go when we get back. Homework done, books read and showers.

Oils are an important part of the bedtime routine. We have immunity support and Cellular Repair, unless it is church night then there is Focus. Diffusers are prepared just prior to bedtime. This is always immunity support, for my daughter respiratory support and both kids some lavender and cedar wood. Hopefully one day soon I will have a diffuser for me. I love diffusing Clary Sage, Patchouli and Ylang Ylang.

The past two nights my daughter has been so exhausted that she comes home and eats her snack and goes to my room to watch a little TV before lights out. Once she gets settled she just goes right to sleep.

The first night, I was thinking well it won't hurt, she usually sleeps in her room and my son is the cuddle bug. I slept okay. But she tosses and turns a lot! Our little Chihuahua was a little miffed that she was in his spot on the bed. He tried to make the best of it, but she kept kicking and rolling. He finally settled on a spot at the very end of the bed.

She talks in her sleep also and I would wake up to see what she needed only to see her sleeping.

Last night was worse. The dog was nearly completely displaced. She tossed and turned all night. She kicked covers off, she pulled them back on. If the dog got too close to her she kicked him like a soccer ball. If he tried to lay on the blanket next to her she would pull the blankets away or roll over on top of him. I found myself waking up a lot to the sound of his tags shaking on the collar he wears. I felt him moving a lot. I then became concerned he would fall off the bed, so I would find myself trying to situate him in the center of the bed away from us, which was impossible.

I went to bed early from sheer exhaustion and thought I would sleep well. This did not happen for me or for the dog. I woke up feeling drained not refreshed and she woke up really cranky.

I vow to move her tonight should she fall asleep in my bed. This will ensure my rest, my dog's safety, and some weight lifting.

It is a blessing that she is still small enough to cuddle with me. I thank God for these moments all of the time. And I end up watching annoying cartoons while I am trying to focus on my work, but this also encourages me to hit the lunch crush today!


January 15, 2016

Psalm 4:8 In peace will I lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

For My Sweet Little Boy with Love

I am not normally the crafty mom. It takes great effort and mental preparation for me to craft. But this year I really wanted to do something different for Valentines day. My son has such a small class, I felt like making the Valentines cards should be so simple.

So away we went to the Dollar Tree to buy simple craft supplies. It took me over thirty minutes to select items that would work with the picture in my mind.

As you can tell, it was pretty basic. For me this was a HUGE undertaking. I decided that the sparkly hearts would have a pencil attached and the same of the receiver and sender and a sticker. My Dad came over with a hole punch and even he got into the idea. He was so particular about the hole placement and the attachment of the pencils. He even made extra hearts should I need them. It is always good to include someone OCD on your craft.


 

  Once the Valentines cards were tackled it was time for the Valentines Day box. I selected a shoe box and some shiny red wrapping paper. The paper was difficult to work with because it was foil.

My three year old daughter also decided that she should get in on the fun. Her brother, who the box was for, happened to be in the other room. Desiring the box, but not wanting to mess with the glue.

My daughter made her own creation.

 

 

  While I am struggling with the wrapping of the box she is happily gluing. After everything was glued and his name was crudely painted on the box, my son arrived to put stickers on the box. As you can tell, we won't be winning any creativity awards. I was still quite proud of the box.

 

                                                                                                        It was now time for the final undertaking of the perfect Valentines Day Party. I had to make cupcakes. He was very adamant on this point.

 This is what I came up with. They were a simple cupcake mix found on Pinterest. I even made the icing myself. None returned home. My son was happy, my sister and her family who received the extras were also happy.

 

I felt quite proud of myself and think that I shall do this again next year.

 

 

 

 

 

For God so Loved the World that he should give his only begotten son so that we could have everlasting life.

 

February 14, 2016

                                                                                                         

 

Motivation Has Fled

My Vendor Booth at my son's school was a success. I enjoyed it. I did well. The kids had fun. But when Sunday dawned I knew I was in trouble. I barely got three kids dressed and fed and out the door to church. I was proud of myself for getting my own hair and make up done and a nice dress, but I was lagging. I was completely out of steam.

I spent much of Sunday afternoon sitting on my couch and dozing off. I barely stayed awake during my Bible study class. Home to get kids ready for school the next day and more sleep.

Monday rolled around and I struggled to get up, I was going to go to the lunch crush after my daughter's speech, then I would clean the house. None of that happened, but I did take a long nap before time to pick up my son and get him to speech.

Tuesday was worse than the day before, I actually did doze off a time or two during Bible and Study and we did not make it to the gym. There were storms coming through our area on this day, so I used that as an excuse not to cook, or to go to the gym.

Wednesday was more of the same sluggishness, by now I am sure I won't make it to lunch crush. I am exhausted and run down feeling and I only want to sleep during the day. Sleeping during the day gives my daughter the free reign she desires to make mischief, and she does this well. My son had somehow mysteriously hurt his leg the night before, so we had to make a mad rush to the doctor after school and this gave me an excuse not to cook.

Somehow on Wednesday before all of the madness of rushing to the school for my son and getting to the doctor, I did manage to get the back half of my house clean. I was only mildly worried about my son. I felt like it really wasn't much, and according to the doctor that was the case. I have continued to apply essential oils and coconut oil to his leg. He doesn't complain much, I only see him limping, so I am not really sure how bad it hurts or how well the essential oils are working.

Thursday I went to the dentist for a deep clean. The numbing shots and laughing gas left me feeling woozy and tired, so I literally slept this entire day. My dad was kind enough to take my kids to eat so that I could have an hour of peace. My kids did not act like appreciative kids and this made me sad. That afternoon I received my essential oils order. Happiness in a box! I received three new oils. I was super excited to try them. So far I love them. Plus this meant that the diffuser and oil blend a lady had ordered from me was here and I could take this and samples to her house. Another seed planted!

Friday dawned with a little more hope and purpose, but as soon as my sister said that she wouldn't be making it to the gym, I knew after my realtor appointment that I would be staying home. The appointment went well. I got the living room cleaned. I slept a lot. I didn't cook a real supper, just hot dogs that my son requested and a box mix of muffins that my kids hated. I watched a lot of made for television movies and stayed up too late.

Late enough that when my daughter began crying out in her sleep, it would make it impossible for me to sleep at all. It basically went she cried for about ten to fifteen minutes at a time and about every hour or so. No amount of oils or hugs or fans or diffusers or singing mermaids or mommy's bed could make it better. I prayed a lot. I slept deeply when I could and I ultimately ended up sleeping in an uncomfortable bed full of princesses and my Chihuahua.

Needless to say when I finally woke up close to ten I felt like I had slept very little and on the floor. I spent much of the day walking around in a fog trying to get ready for my afternoon plans and somehow leaving my house way earlier than necessary. In all of this I offered to take my sister and her family pizza and hang out until time for us to go to our little Advocare get together. My sister was rather confrontational and offended at first. We had a blast at her house and my friend's house.

Without God, essential oils and sleep I doubt I could have gotten through this week. My batteries are recharged and I am ready for church in the morning and the gym on Monday.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.

February 6 2016

Moving Right Along

On a cold Tuesday morning it was necessary to help my son read a book so he could make his reading goal at school. This was accomplished while getting myself, him, and my daughter ready for school all at the same time. I would be going to a Bible study that morning, so I needed to get make up on my face before jetting out the door. While all of this craziness was going on, my daughter decided that she should take some books with us in the car.

As we are preparing to back out of the driveway and make the 15 minute drive to the school, my son gets the idea that one of the four books being horded by his sister should be his to look at. I am clutching my going cold coffee as I ask her to please share a book. This does nothing. He proceeds to reach for a book which she yanks away and then they both begin to cry as I toss a book at him as we roll through a stop sign. She is angry I took the book, he is upset the book fell in the floor out of reach. My take on the whole thing was "Oh well" I then proceeded to focus on the radio and my coffee.

Bible study was great. I began to feel more like I made the correct decision in swapping churches. I am realizing that many of ladies I see regularly at Y are also going to that church. It makes me feel more like I have support in the two areas that I need support in the most. We are all different ages, different sizes, and different types of people, but it appears we have some similar goals. I am also running into a lot of essential oilers, which is another bonus.

I made it through the morning and on into the afternoon and I was able to make it to the RIPPED class. It was a tough class, but I could feel my body responding to it and knew this was the way to go. Supper was a poor choice, but it was quick and easy to prepare. We had some very yummy beef tacos and refried beans. Tonight's supper will be far worse, sausage and Mac n Cheese.

So after supper as we are looking at homework I find a paper that immediately makes me want to scream in frustration. Box Top collection day is coming up, okay not so bad until I got to the date which was the next morning!! While I am supervising homework, I am also cutting out the 61 box tops I have been saving for at least a year.

Then I nearly had a bad mom moment when I realized that we only had a meager 61. Why so few? Well we don't eat Tyson chicken products, so none of those labels, not Campbell's soup either. Just refried beans and occasionally an apple juice we buy has a Box Top. So this is poo for my son and for the school, but yay for us. I take that to mean that we really are eating healthier and making better food choices at the grocery store. I cook nearly every night. I usually cook from scratch. Do not let tonight's menu fool you, this is only because we will need to be at Church by 6:30 and we must do showers and homework plus eat before we get there.

Today my sister brought her "I didn't think she was still sick" daughter over to play and the plan was to hit the gym. But my poor little niece who thankfully only sat on my couch, wasn't feeling up to par. I cooked breakfast for my sister and we had a nice little chat. I enjoy the little moments with my sister. They are so few and far between as it is really challenging for us to be together for long periods of time.

Bonus, is that my daughter is doing much better with potty training, and there may actually be a light at the end of the tunnel concerning diapers. Yay for my wallet!

I think for a Wednesday I am doing fairly well. I am feeling much better and my feet don't hurt as bad as they did. I am trying to drink more water, but find this challenging. I am also not eating as much ice cream, but Kahlua in cold coffee is fabulous!

I am finally feeling like I can achieve both my spiritual and my physical goals.

January 13, 2016

Psalm 147:5 Great is our Lord and abundant in power' his understanding is beyond measure.

This Man Of Mine....

This man of mine is my dream come true. He is more than just my husband, more than just the father of my children.

 

My husband is also a soldier and a naturalized U.S. Citizen. This was the day he graduated from basic training and became a citizen. One of the proudest moments of our marriage.

He taught me to be open to new things. He is helping me to accept change and to be open to it. Because of him I discovered that genuine Mexican food is the best thing since ice cream.

In his downtime he loves to cook. I have learned to cook from him. He has a natural talent and is very humble about his abilities to plate amazing food.

He is the sunlight in my sky

the water to my flowers

the oxygen that I breathe.

I love this man.

He makes me feel safe

 

He makes me feel loved

 

He makes me feel important.

 

The kids and I are like plants without rain when he is not around.

 

We function

 

We carry on

 

We love him unconditionally.

 

He is a man of few words.  A man who comes home every night to his family after a hard days work.

Even though he has a day job, he is not opposed to picking up side jobs, or helping a friend out, or working on a project at our house.

 He is a man who loves to laugh, but often tries not to laugh. A man with a smile that can light up a room. A man who sometimes sits quietly observing.

 

 
 

 





We spend weekends out and about with the kids.

Together we are a team. Though his job often takes him places that we cannot follow, we remain strong for the kids. Talking as often as possible.

I have learned through loving him, that I am perfect just the way I am. He encourages me to be me and to be my best at all things. I am blessed to call him my husband.

He made sure that our move from El Paso to Tennessee went smoothly. Four adults, two kids and a Chihuahua all made the trip safely.

He earned his time to rest, play with his phone and watch soccer.

 

He is currently on a new adventure.

 

 

I smile like this because he loves me. Because he makes me laugh even when I don't want to laugh.

Shortly after he left, I attended a make-over, I felt so beautiful and so sad because he was only going to see the results via picture.

 

And this is my cranky really missing him face.
Day by day it goes by. Hour by hour slips by as always I watch the clocks. The digital readouts sending out the message that time is passing ever so slowly.

I love you handsome man, and this is dedicated to you.

February 2, 2016

For better or worse,
In sickness and in health,
Until death do us part,

I LOVE YOU!