Just Here

Sunday dawned sure and bright without being preceded by a sleepless night.

Early morning supposed to rise, instead I choose to sleep long past the alarm, long past what will get us to church.

I ask God for his forgiveness as I make a relaxed breakfast at the time we should be sitting down for service. I ask him to know my heart, to change my heart, to help me find my way to the sanctuary. Back into his fold.

Hardly am I lost, just stuck in the woods with little light reaching my inners. I long to hear his word, to be on fire, to have dove's eyes and to only focus on him.

Distractions come from everywhere and everyone.

I need to live and breathe and worship and love and lead and be a parent a sister a friend a daughter. I struggle at all of these roles.

I Love God I pray to God I read my Bible occasionally, I love Bible study I love sitting among the believers.

Somehow a retreat from there to here was made and the exact moment is unknown, though I often think it all began in March 2012.

I have come far I have further to go.

I am a wife. A happy wife. A satisfied wife.

I was a bride a Christ I love the book of Solomon. I know what the Bible says I must do. I know that Jesus is with me daily.

But then sometimes I get too overwhelmed. I need to retreat. I need to relax and unwind and be free from society's restraints and expectations. That means that whatever needs doing on that day will fall to the wayside.

An entire week of sitting on my couch. Sleeping away afternoons while my daughter runs amok in the house. A Chihuahua tucked up against me

This is no way to be no way to grow no way to love no way to find my way back

But it was what my body needed my heart needed my mind needed

All so that I could be just here

Here in my house on my couch in my jammies

It was nice but I am ready to make a comeback and to see my friends and to hit the gym and go to church.

I am ready to find my way back to the place I once was and long to be.

B. Alwildia Garcia
January 8, 2016