Existing

With husband away I am left to my own devices.
Like a mouse with no cat around.

Instead I exist as if in a fog.
The first few days drifting along in a cold abyss.
Not sure how the kids really made it though.

Positive the food served wasn't the best.
Minimal effort.
The television on.
Child's cartoon, child's game,
later into the day adult television.

I managed to watch three seasons of a popular television show and another season of a Netflix exclusive.

Outings did happen.
Recycling was turned in.
Both vehicles taken to the car wash.

I have managed one morning at the local community center to work out.

I am getting myself moving forward from the place of deep depression.

School has started again.
The routine a welcome relief to the floating of timeless days with two kids in the house.

I know now how empty I will feel once the real deal happens.
Coming up soon another time of being a half way single mom while husband tries to maintain his presence through video chat.

His phone calls now seem so empty. Devoid of emotion from both of us. I cannot fathom why. It leaves me feeling more empty.

We were at a better understanding. The last few months of adjustment and working it out will all be for naught soon. No it isn't that big D, it is the other one.

I am happy. Confident in his love for me. I finally understand he does support me and my oldest son who has recently brought forth too much emotion.

I miss that child. I know that he is okay now. At least I am praying so.

And now as the tiny feet patter down the stairs I must begin another day.


January 4 2017