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Snow falling

Snow falling all day long

Snow falling into the early evening

Snow falling when I go to bed

I shovel snow early in the day. Proud of my handy work. Clear driveway, clear sidewalk, cleared an area for delivery people that do not deliver to my door. Even made a cute maze for the little Chihuahua in the back yard.

Cleaning

Working out in between tasks

Feeling good about myself

Feeling good about the day

Look out window and sigh

Look out window and realize that I cannot really see what I originally shoveled. Neighbors are outside shoveling, maybe I should also shovel.

An hour later my progress is barely visible. I come inside. I eat lunch with my kids. I take a nap on the couch.

I see neighbors once again shoveling, so I to go out to shovel. But it isn't doing much. What I move from the driveway is dropped from the sky.

I stand in the garage and stare at my snow blower. I saw  the neighbors using theirs. Mine is so heavy. The electric start will not work. The thing is daunting to me. I am intimidated by it. So I go inside I cook a supper that one kid refuses to eat until it is cold. I see the hour is late. My body is beginning to protest all that I have done today.

Outside I go.

I stop in front of the snow blower. I turn it on with the pull cord and away I go down the driveway. Struggling to hold onto it and to figure out how best to do this. I consult the nice neighbor and he gives me a quick rundown ensuring me that it is okay to go into the road, and that when it is all over I will have big guns from muscling that thing around.

So I give it a go. I think I am doing okay. I get the giant snow pile at the end of the driveway knocked down. I go out into the road. I let it pull me I throw all my weight into getting it to swing around and come back into the driveway. I feel my muscles protesting. I smell the gas. Visibility is low due to it being dark and the snow blowing everywhere from the Shute.

Let us address language.

You cannot shovel snow nor use a snow blower without profanities filling your mind. I know my neighbor across the street probably thinks I always use the horrible f word. As I push the shovel into the snow I curse the offending resistance. As I shovel snow as fast as it falls I am cursing it. I am saying like a mantra "Why am I in this Godforsaken place? I do not belong here, I am a Tennessee girl, how did I get this fing lost?"

But then I stop myself and I try to say a prayer of thanks for my ability to shovel snow, for my shovel, for my husband who is currently in a warm sunny place. And then I turn and let loose a string of profanities.

I love God

I ask for his forgiveness even as I yell "f this fing snow" I tell God that I am sorry for using bad language and that I pray he will forgive me and convict me.

By the time I have nearly buried our van with the snow from the snow blower and I have a passably clear drive way I am feeling like a ninja. I feel like I have it going on and that I am in control. I am thankful I got out here one last time to conquer this snowy nightmare.

Once inside I quickly get kids ready for bed and read the Bible story. I pour myself a glass of wine and grab the hot shower I meant to get all day but didn't. I crawl into my bed and my arms hurt, my back hurts, my tummy is tingly and I feel too tired to drink wine and watch a favorite television show. I make myself do it anyway. After all, I am not a quitter right?

Morning dawns and I am elated that today my son will go back to school even if it is two hours later. I go outside and realize that the snow blower is out of gas and that there is no gas in the gas can. This after it goes just outside the garage before sputtering out. I want to rant and throw myself down into a sniveling heap upon the piled up snow.

I don't

I grab my shovel and attempt to get a clearing for my son to walk through to the bus. An hour later I have managed to push snow around the driveway, somewhat dig out one side of the van and make a tiny hole at the very end of the driveway. I have also muscled the dang snow blower back into the garage.

Inside to recuperate and drink a much needed cup of coffee and get my son ready for his day.

Back outside after thirty minutes determined to conquer the offending pile of snow.

I do

I do slowly conquer the pile of snow.

I also curse it

I also sigh and try to catch my breath

My bangs can't be moved from in front of my eyes, they become stiff from the cold air and moisture of my mumblings. I am hot and sweating just like I would had I been at the gym instead of in a snow bank. My arms hurt.

I think to myself how I can't, that I am not strong enough to remove this giant pile of snow

Then I do it and I make it happen.

I talk to myself.

I glare at people driving by who stare at me.

I push snow toward the pile furthest away from my driveway. I throw shovels full of snow into my yard nearly burying a small tree. I watch in disbelief as the kids just stumble their way through waist high snow laughing and being happy.

While shoveling the worst of it I catch myself thinking how when I was younger and stupid and hanging out in bars that I was "one badass bitch" But you know what, that wasn't even close to the truth because now while my husband is away enjoying time with family and friends I am here. Here in this frozen land and I am making it. I am cleaning the house, attempting to work out, getting things done and most importantly I am shoveling this fing snow.

So who is the "badass bitch now?"

Yep, that's right, this Tennessee girl has got it going on.

I thought I was doomed and that this was all I could handle, but nope, I pulled out extra reserves of badass and got that driveway clear.

I am happy, but I am also overwhelmed, sore, and cranky.

I get my driveway clear, my sidewalk clear, I even dig out a small trail for my Chihuahua.

Then I come inside. Sore and tired and cook breakfast and prepare to clean the house.

January 6 2017