Darkness, snowy, rainy, muddy, sunny, freezing
DARKNESS
Slowly giving into the light
Slowly changing from the cold to the warmth
Weather that chills me to the bone
takes me down to the depths of my soul, laying bare the emotions
Hurt, despair, happiness, sadness, loneliness, love
LOVE
For him, for the man of my dreams
Through technologies grace communication flourishes, or attempts to do so
Confusion
The definition of us, of you, of me
Who are we?
8 years later
Our marriage, stronger or weaker
Leaves us both asking "Are we okay?"
Giving over to the emotions and demands of wife and mother
But lost deep inside
Unsure of who I am or am meant to be or what I am meant to do
I cannot imagine life without you
Yet daily I am without you
As you have become a face on a phone a voice on the line
Untouchable due to distance
Not sharing the depths of your soul, keeping your emotions in check
Hard in this one way. Not offering tenderness, romance
MAN
In the deepest sense of it all, you are a man
Hard with a tender heart buried deep inside of you
The light shining through for your kids, pushing aside the wife who waited for you and nurtured your kids.
The wife who wakes daily in a dream waiting for you to show appreciation and tenderness.
EXPECTATIONS
unrealistic at times, afraid of the emotions I so often lay bare
WOMAN selfish at times, yearning for a lost self a new self a well being of deep forgiveness.
IN the end, I will still be here.
The smile you see across the distance, the encouragement you hear, the caregiver of your needs and the children.
IN the end I will have lived a full life of penance for the failures of childhood and early adulthood.
My fingers will forever search the unending darkness seeking a lost child
CHILD who is growing into a man so very far from the heartstrings of a mother.
Lost to her and to all around him
Angry and lost seeking out the love and adoration he never fully received as a child.
God bring us through it all
Olivia J. Stuart
April 8 2017
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