At 4 am I hear my daughter talking, I hear her singing mermaid doll and as I roll out of bed to see what is going on I am praying this is not going to be her actual waking up time.
Lucky me she did accept some water and went back to sleep. As I was walking back to my room I thought I heard my son stirring, but I ignored that and crawled back into my bed.
I slowly crawl out of my bed again at 6:30 to the light popping on and my daughter telling me to wake up. Then my son is up. Getting them ready for the day was challenging.
I was tired and my muscles were sore from the previous day's gym workout. I wanted coffee...Badly. The kids were laughing, and playing and LOUD.
I said a little thank you prayer to God for my happy healthy alert kids. Then I chugged a cup of coffee. Al the while I am thinking, never put them to bed at 8:30 p.m. again, 9 is much better, they are slower in the morning when they go to bed later.
Today's goal was to get my son to school, my daughter and I back to the gym so I could do the Zumba class at 8:30.
We made it out of the house right on schedule, and just as we are getting the trip underway, my daughter sneezes. I had to pull over to wipe the long snot trail from her nose down to her lap, it was rather disgusting.
Drop off went well, no melt downs from my daughter. We made it from the school to the gym and I hit the track for about 15 minutes.
My upper legs are really burning today. The burning is so bad that I can barely get into and out of our little car. The same goes for the couch. It is sad.
Zumba went better than expected. I was lost through many of the moves, I felt I was rocking on some, especially if they involved booty shaking. The music was awesome, and I loved the oldies!
I could feel my stomach trying to reject my bowl of cereal. I realized that one 16 oz. bottle of water was not nearly enough.
Sweat was nearly flying off of me!
And then I picked up my daughter we came home and I had to run to the store and while there I bought a fresh and extremely yummy jumbo pretzel. It was DIVINE!! I enjoyed every last bite. To atone for that, I came home and sautéed some spinach, then after getting my daughter settled I took a nap.
The trends I am noticing since beginning my fitness journey on Monday are I am really loving afternoon naps, and I still manage to be tired enough at night to go to bed early.
After getting my son from school and cooking a light chicken and carrot dinner for the kids and I, it was off to round two of Zumba.
This time I had a friend to go with. This class had even more complicated moves that left me hopelessly lost and making up my own. I laughed at myself, I said many bad words under my breath. I shook my booty with everything that I had. I tried to look like I knew what was going on, that I was young, even though I was in the older ladies section. I was determined to be fun while having fun that was making my body move in fun ways that it hadn't done in years.
Now had I a beer or two or three all of those moves would have been much easier and at one point I was thinking "Wow, I really need a shot!" I used to be a badass dancer, well I thought I was because I was in a bar and I was inebriated and when you are the only person dancing of course everyone is staring at you and yes it does go to your head and make you think you are BEAUTIFUL. But this was not the case tonight. I just looked old and slow and out of sync and very possibly crazy.
I laughed at myself, stayed clear of the mirror, and drank an entire 16 oz. bottle of water. My thighs were burning, squats were killing me. Sweat was soaking my clothes and my shirt that was somehow tighter than I remembered was sticking to my overly round belly.
And when it was time to stretch you better believe I belted out the lyrics to Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror" I even added some hip movement to my stretches.
The bottom line is that one day I will be sexy again. I am going to get my sexy back! I can see my curves in the mirror, they are just jiggly curves with an extra rounded ball looking area on the front.
I came back home and as soon as kids were showered I jumped in myself. First shower today and it was HEAVENLY! Until my daughter came in letting all of the steam out and asking if I was okay, because I really was OKAY, until you let all the steam out. I love you princess, I really do, but please let me finish this shower in peace.
So here I am at day four. My thighs are on fire, I can feel my stomach muscles cringing when I steer the car, and it was even worse in the van. I feel so hungry, which I need to eat the fruit I bought the other day, but there are some other less healthy options that seem to be far more appealing. I am exhausted, but on the inside I feel bubbly. I know that I can and will do this!
For every bad word that is pushed out of my mouth from all the crunches, there are other thoughts that scream "Squash that belly fat" or "Tighten up those muscles" yes, I have a dialog running through my head each and every moment. It tells me to keep up, get with program, and yes you can do this and no you are not dying and yes you do look like an old lady when you can't roll up off the floor like everyone else.
But I always make sure that I thank God for the ability and the means to be at that gym each and every day that I choose to torture myself.
And when my husband gets back on this side of the world, maybe, just maybe I will be sexy and able to run and work out and we can begin another journey together. And who knows I just might be an inspiration to stay at home over tired too busy moms who never ever feel like working out. Or even better to my kids as an example that you can do this no matter how high the odds are stacked against you.
Did I mention I'm trying to potty train my daughter during all of this? Yea well I am and that is a story for another day as I am about to crash.
January 7 2016
1 Chronicles 16:11 Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.
Friday, January 15, 2016
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
I Have Found My Place
Wednesday afternoons present quite a few challenges, especially when you make a commitment to attend the 6:30 p.m. Bible Study.
The kids and I were home from the school just shortly after 3. I let them run around play outside, argue with each other and then just after 4:30 the bathing process begins. my daughter was first, washed, dried, and oiled. Then my son repeat process.
Easy peasy supper which is basically not good for you at all food, but we needed to be ready to roll by 6:15. Homework is completed, supper is eaten and cleaned up. A quick phone call to check on my oldest son, and then somehow I got it in my brain that we were late.
I usher, more like herd fast out the door to the mini van. They have jackets over their jammies, and they are hyper! My daughter also has two mermaid dolls with her.
Such a great feeling to know that they were excited about going. They were running to the van. It warms you up on a cold day like this. Once in the van and heading down our street I realize that it is only 6:07. But I still pat myself on my back. This way I will have time to get them from the parking lot and to their classrooms and a moment to sit down in the classroom and breathe out a sigh of "you did it"
Of course my daughter is running, she never walks anywhere. And as soon as her little feet hit the sidewalk she face plants and then as she is trying to get up she steps on one of the mermaids hair and nearly falls again. Finally we are inside and they are dropped off and I am free! Well, for an hour.
I LOVED the class from the moment I walked in the room. There were so many warm welcoming and smiling faces. Some I saw on Tuesday at that Bible study and some I see at the Y.
We learned names, said either our favorite name or book and ate a cookie! I know that this class is going to feed that empty part of me. I know that by the time this year draws to a close and it is time for my next adventure, that this church will be hard to leave.
I had always thought this church must be snobby because it was so big and sat so far back from the main road, up on a hill. But is nothing like I had imagined. There are so many different types of people there. I feel like I have stepped in to the light. For many years now I have been seeking this, some of those years, I didn't even know that this was exactly what I was seeking.
This is going to be a great year. God is truly working in my life.
January 13, 2016
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first. Then we which are alive remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words.
The kids and I were home from the school just shortly after 3. I let them run around play outside, argue with each other and then just after 4:30 the bathing process begins. my daughter was first, washed, dried, and oiled. Then my son repeat process.
Easy peasy supper which is basically not good for you at all food, but we needed to be ready to roll by 6:15. Homework is completed, supper is eaten and cleaned up. A quick phone call to check on my oldest son, and then somehow I got it in my brain that we were late.
I usher, more like herd fast out the door to the mini van. They have jackets over their jammies, and they are hyper! My daughter also has two mermaid dolls with her.
Such a great feeling to know that they were excited about going. They were running to the van. It warms you up on a cold day like this. Once in the van and heading down our street I realize that it is only 6:07. But I still pat myself on my back. This way I will have time to get them from the parking lot and to their classrooms and a moment to sit down in the classroom and breathe out a sigh of "you did it"
Of course my daughter is running, she never walks anywhere. And as soon as her little feet hit the sidewalk she face plants and then as she is trying to get up she steps on one of the mermaids hair and nearly falls again. Finally we are inside and they are dropped off and I am free! Well, for an hour.
I LOVED the class from the moment I walked in the room. There were so many warm welcoming and smiling faces. Some I saw on Tuesday at that Bible study and some I see at the Y.
We learned names, said either our favorite name or book and ate a cookie! I know that this class is going to feed that empty part of me. I know that by the time this year draws to a close and it is time for my next adventure, that this church will be hard to leave.
I had always thought this church must be snobby because it was so big and sat so far back from the main road, up on a hill. But is nothing like I had imagined. There are so many different types of people there. I feel like I have stepped in to the light. For many years now I have been seeking this, some of those years, I didn't even know that this was exactly what I was seeking.
This is going to be a great year. God is truly working in my life.
January 13, 2016
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first. Then we which are alive remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words.
Monday, January 11, 2016
January 4: The Fitness Journey Begins.
This year I am taking charge of my figure. I want to turn my nearly forty year old body into a lean and tone running machine.
The goal is to be able to 5k by spring and have times in the low to mid thirties.
The other goal is look smoking hot by the time hubby is stateside again.
But mostly I am doing this for me.
In 2011 I had just become a stay at home mom. I had a lot of free time because my husband was gone most of that year. I went to the gym on average four days a week and sometimes twice a day. I was starting to see results and to feel amazing.
January 2012 I made a weekend trip to visit the hubby in Georgia and not only did we get a great income tax return, we got a baby. Moving to El Paso while pregnant and leaving behind my oldest, set me up for depression. Combine that with loneliness and one car, I didn't work out much. Honestly, I didn't do much besides sit on the couch all day.
Back in TN late in 2012 hubby gone again and I am nursing a sick baby, another child who has a lot of therapy appointments an hour away and I am exhausted and depressed. So I didn't do a lot of working out. By summer of 2013 I managed to attend Zumba classes maybe ten times. I tried to workout some in 2013 once I got back to El Paso, but it wasn't a priority. Spring of 2014 I walked in the Canyon pushing a stroller a handful of times. I must say that was a workout, but it was sporadic due to the wind and spring weather conditions in El Paso. I didn't try as hard as I probably could have the rest of that year or 2015.
This became a sticking point with my300 Club husband. He tried very hard to inspire me. We do family walks but this usually meant slowly walking with the kids and our Chihuahua. I took the kids to the playground on a regular basis, and we always walked. It just wasn't my time to shine, but that is about to change.
It is now 2016, I am eight months from 40. My feet hurt when I sit too long, my feet cramp all the time. I have a missing hubby again. I eat a lot of ice cream and pop corn. I am not depressed, but ready to get my groove back.
I weighed in at 154 pounds this morning. A long way from the 142-145 I was sticking to the last several years. I see my big belly every time I look in the mirror. I know which jeans have the most wiggle room and which shirts will accentuate the rounded belly.
I feel great though. I know I don't look my best, but what matters is my husband loves me for who I am. He is my biggest cheerleader and critic, I mean that in a nice way. He sees my potential when I fail to see it myself.
So this morning I headed to the 8:30 a.m. Pilates class. It wasn't as hard as I expected, but I definitely used muscles that I hadn't used in a very long time. Some parts left me struggling for form as my legs shook or my toes cramped. But the instructor came over to me and said that I had already taken the most important step and that was coming to the class. She told me I was doing great and that I should work at my own pace and it will all come to me.
after the class I tried the elliptical for maybe ten minutes and I ran around the track a couple of times. I didn't feel a mean burn. My appetite isn't raging just yet, but I went.
I already have plans to go tomorrow. I am really excited!
Working out also gives me a chance to pray. I thank God for the ability and the means to be there in the first place and I just try to focus on breathing and the things I want to tell God.
So here is to a New Year! And a healthier me!
January 4, 2016
Titus 2:3-5 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
The goal is to be able to 5k by spring and have times in the low to mid thirties.
The other goal is look smoking hot by the time hubby is stateside again.
But mostly I am doing this for me.
In 2011 I had just become a stay at home mom. I had a lot of free time because my husband was gone most of that year. I went to the gym on average four days a week and sometimes twice a day. I was starting to see results and to feel amazing.
January 2012 I made a weekend trip to visit the hubby in Georgia and not only did we get a great income tax return, we got a baby. Moving to El Paso while pregnant and leaving behind my oldest, set me up for depression. Combine that with loneliness and one car, I didn't work out much. Honestly, I didn't do much besides sit on the couch all day.
Back in TN late in 2012 hubby gone again and I am nursing a sick baby, another child who has a lot of therapy appointments an hour away and I am exhausted and depressed. So I didn't do a lot of working out. By summer of 2013 I managed to attend Zumba classes maybe ten times. I tried to workout some in 2013 once I got back to El Paso, but it wasn't a priority. Spring of 2014 I walked in the Canyon pushing a stroller a handful of times. I must say that was a workout, but it was sporadic due to the wind and spring weather conditions in El Paso. I didn't try as hard as I probably could have the rest of that year or 2015.
This became a sticking point with my300 Club husband. He tried very hard to inspire me. We do family walks but this usually meant slowly walking with the kids and our Chihuahua. I took the kids to the playground on a regular basis, and we always walked. It just wasn't my time to shine, but that is about to change.
It is now 2016, I am eight months from 40. My feet hurt when I sit too long, my feet cramp all the time. I have a missing hubby again. I eat a lot of ice cream and pop corn. I am not depressed, but ready to get my groove back.
I weighed in at 154 pounds this morning. A long way from the 142-145 I was sticking to the last several years. I see my big belly every time I look in the mirror. I know which jeans have the most wiggle room and which shirts will accentuate the rounded belly.
I feel great though. I know I don't look my best, but what matters is my husband loves me for who I am. He is my biggest cheerleader and critic, I mean that in a nice way. He sees my potential when I fail to see it myself.
So this morning I headed to the 8:30 a.m. Pilates class. It wasn't as hard as I expected, but I definitely used muscles that I hadn't used in a very long time. Some parts left me struggling for form as my legs shook or my toes cramped. But the instructor came over to me and said that I had already taken the most important step and that was coming to the class. She told me I was doing great and that I should work at my own pace and it will all come to me.
after the class I tried the elliptical for maybe ten minutes and I ran around the track a couple of times. I didn't feel a mean burn. My appetite isn't raging just yet, but I went.
I already have plans to go tomorrow. I am really excited!
Working out also gives me a chance to pray. I thank God for the ability and the means to be there in the first place and I just try to focus on breathing and the things I want to tell God.
So here is to a New Year! And a healthier me!
January 4, 2016
Titus 2:3-5 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
Sunday, January 10, 2016
Falling Into Place
Things are looking up.
A new church has really made a difference for me. I went to a Women's Conference and felt very connected. Connected like at PWOC. I talked to all kinds of women from all different points in their lives and ages. It was an amazing feeling to be surrounded by amazing women and knowing that we all came to this conference to grow.
As I sat there watching the video and taking notes I felt things falling into place.
I talked to many women who were also members of the YMCA in town. I felt confirmation and encouraged. I began to realize that I could share my fitness journey and my spiritual journey while combining the two.
Today after church I signed up for two more Bible studies.
My new schedule will look something like this:
Monday: Daughter early morning speech, school work, lunch crunch gym, afternoon 30 mile away son's speech, light supper and an evening gym class.
Tuesday: Bible study, afternoon RIPPED Class
Wednesday is my daughter's early morning speech and then lunch crush and then pick up son cook dinner and make it to church for a Bible study.
Thursday is an early morning gym class and a later Zumba class
Friday is still being worked on but early morning class for sure
Saturdays are no gym probably going to be our free day and Sundays will be church but depending on how fast I can get the kids home changed and back to the gym, they may do small classes and I'll use my time to work on school work.
It will be a full schedule. It will require discipline and dedication. It will mean dragging my kids back and forth from the gym the school the house the church. But this will also mean that time is flying and before we know it our temporary stay in this tiny town will be drawing to a close.
Sticking to this schedule means that all three of us will sleep very well at the end of the day. I will be well on my way to my goal of growing closer to God, that is if I don't doze off in class....just kidding! It also means I am following through with my fitness goals.
I will have opportunities to connect with many different women in two very different situations. I am finally feeling like I can stay in this town. That it isn't so different from what I want or can deal with. I think if I stay in my little gym, church, Kroger, house routine we just might make it through this. I know that cannot possibly happen, and besides how on earth would I grow my Essential Oils business my doing that?
So a few funnies to throw in here to show just how my life is really a running sitcom of nonsense some days.
I put my not really into the whole potty training thing on the potty and tell her to go pee she promptly goes "SSSSSSS" making the pee sound with her mouth and then slides off the potty telling me she was done after not having gone pee. Of course ten minutes later she come to tell me that she peed in her pants.
My son has this new thing were he randomly tells me that he loves me and I am his favorite mom or his best mom. So then I think "Aren't I the only mom? Do I need to talk to the hubby?"
And while I was at the Sunday Bible study I left the kids with Granddad. Granddad takes a nap wakes up and realizes the kids were really quiet. My daughter is asleep! He just leaves her that way. So I get home at six and she is sleeping. Then he begins to help me with my history paper, thinks he should go check on her around 8 and tries to say her name! Umm nope! I went in my bedroom where she was sleeping to put on my jammies and smell poop. So now I am faced with the horrible dilemma of changing her or leaving her and sleeping on the couch. And of course she happily wakes up at 9, just as I am trying to get my son into bed. It will be a long night, and yes, I to am wondering how tomorrows schedule will play out.
While at the Bible study I found clarification for this blog. It is going to be the humorous and sometimes darker humor of a Christian Mommy working through each day to day struggle. Some days it may not be a writing day, and other days may be a ton of writing, but wherever it goes, it is because I am following my heart and where I feel God is leading me.
January 10 2016
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
A new church has really made a difference for me. I went to a Women's Conference and felt very connected. Connected like at PWOC. I talked to all kinds of women from all different points in their lives and ages. It was an amazing feeling to be surrounded by amazing women and knowing that we all came to this conference to grow.
As I sat there watching the video and taking notes I felt things falling into place.
I talked to many women who were also members of the YMCA in town. I felt confirmation and encouraged. I began to realize that I could share my fitness journey and my spiritual journey while combining the two.
Today after church I signed up for two more Bible studies.
My new schedule will look something like this:
Monday: Daughter early morning speech, school work, lunch crunch gym, afternoon 30 mile away son's speech, light supper and an evening gym class.
Tuesday: Bible study, afternoon RIPPED Class
Wednesday is my daughter's early morning speech and then lunch crush and then pick up son cook dinner and make it to church for a Bible study.
Thursday is an early morning gym class and a later Zumba class
Friday is still being worked on but early morning class for sure
Saturdays are no gym probably going to be our free day and Sundays will be church but depending on how fast I can get the kids home changed and back to the gym, they may do small classes and I'll use my time to work on school work.
It will be a full schedule. It will require discipline and dedication. It will mean dragging my kids back and forth from the gym the school the house the church. But this will also mean that time is flying and before we know it our temporary stay in this tiny town will be drawing to a close.
Sticking to this schedule means that all three of us will sleep very well at the end of the day. I will be well on my way to my goal of growing closer to God, that is if I don't doze off in class....just kidding! It also means I am following through with my fitness goals.
I will have opportunities to connect with many different women in two very different situations. I am finally feeling like I can stay in this town. That it isn't so different from what I want or can deal with. I think if I stay in my little gym, church, Kroger, house routine we just might make it through this. I know that cannot possibly happen, and besides how on earth would I grow my Essential Oils business my doing that?
So a few funnies to throw in here to show just how my life is really a running sitcom of nonsense some days.
I put my not really into the whole potty training thing on the potty and tell her to go pee she promptly goes "SSSSSSS" making the pee sound with her mouth and then slides off the potty telling me she was done after not having gone pee. Of course ten minutes later she come to tell me that she peed in her pants.
My son has this new thing were he randomly tells me that he loves me and I am his favorite mom or his best mom. So then I think "Aren't I the only mom? Do I need to talk to the hubby?"
And while I was at the Sunday Bible study I left the kids with Granddad. Granddad takes a nap wakes up and realizes the kids were really quiet. My daughter is asleep! He just leaves her that way. So I get home at six and she is sleeping. Then he begins to help me with my history paper, thinks he should go check on her around 8 and tries to say her name! Umm nope! I went in my bedroom where she was sleeping to put on my jammies and smell poop. So now I am faced with the horrible dilemma of changing her or leaving her and sleeping on the couch. And of course she happily wakes up at 9, just as I am trying to get my son into bed. It will be a long night, and yes, I to am wondering how tomorrows schedule will play out.
While at the Bible study I found clarification for this blog. It is going to be the humorous and sometimes darker humor of a Christian Mommy working through each day to day struggle. Some days it may not be a writing day, and other days may be a ton of writing, but wherever it goes, it is because I am following my heart and where I feel God is leading me.
January 10 2016
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Friday, January 8, 2016
Finally a Good History Paper
I have been struggling with my United States History class and it was beginning to look like I might not make it through with a passing grade. After another sad grade I called my dad and asked him if he could help me come up with something. This is the paper we wrote. It isn't great, but at least I made an 85.
STEPHEN
COLLINS FOSTER: America’s
First Composer
The
Instructions for the Unit VII essay were to write on one character from the
lecture. In the lecture minstrel performance is mentioned in passing. I believe
its importance should not be overlooked. I would like to do my paper on a
famous (and genius) minstrel writer named Stephen Collins Foster and explain
his importance. To reject minstrel performance in the early 1800’s is like
rejecting Will Rogers and Woody Guthrie during the Great Depression or Jimi
Hendrix and Joan Baez during the Vietnam Era.
We all tire of long
speeches but songs stay in our heads. Stephen Collins Foster gave feelings to
the situation. His songs gave humanity to the enslaved Negro. In his day all
voters were white but one might go the polls with remembrance of a “ditty”
fresh on his mind.
During the 1840s Parlor
Music was music performed by women in their homes, Minstrel Music was the
opposite of that. Minstrel music was for men, it covered popular events and
used slang and bad language. Minstrel music was made popular by Thomas “Daddy”
Rice when he blackened his face and began performing “Jumped Jim Crow” in New
York in 1828. This would lead the way for Stephen Collins Foster, who became an
inspiration for future American Songwriters.
Black faced minstrels
also helped to feed the stereotype of the Negro being a dumb less than human
persona. It fed the fears of the Negro being freed. This was a bawdy comedy
that was performed at the expense of the Negro.
When Stephen Collins
Foster left Pittsburg to work as a bookkeeper in Cincinnati he had already had
success with a parlor song called “Open Thy Lattice Love” But he was attracted
to the energy of the minstrel music and shows. Once settled in, he wrote his
first Blackface Minstrel songs. They
were performed by the Christy Minstrels and other groups and became quite
popular. His first successful songs were “Oh Susanna”, “Lou’siana Bell”, and
“Uncle Ned.
These songs and many
others spread quickly across the country.
“Oh Susanna “Became popular during the Gold Rush. “Uncle Ned “could be
heard in concert halls in England.
I am Stephen Collins
Foster. I was born in Lawrenceville Pennsylvania, which is now part of
Pittsburg. My parents are William and Elizabeth Foster. My father helped found
Lawrenceville Pennsylvania. He also dedicated land for the burial of soldiers
from the War of 1812, and helped equip Colonel Andrew Jackson’s men for the
Battle of New Orleans in 1814. He did lose a lot of his wealth, but was till
appointed to public office. My father also served under James Buchanan in the
House of Representatives and went on to be the Mayor of Allegheny City, which
is now Pittsburg’s North Side.
My family was not
necessarily musically inclined, but my older sister Charlotte would sing and
play parlor music on the piano. She died when I was three years old. I count
her as one of my inspirations to become a song writer.
I did receive a good
education, though I didn’t always agree with the direction my father was
pushing me toward. I wanted to work with music, but during this time, it wasn’t
a job fitting for a middle class man. My parent’s failed to recognize my talent
and even I in later years did not realize my full potential. This led me to
sell my music for far less than it was worth and made me a poor man. I did work
for my brother as a bookkeeper in his steamboat business, but after three years
I returned to Pennsylvania to focus on my music.
In 1850 I marred Jane
Denny McDowell. We had one daughter named Marion. Due to my focus on my music,
I did not spend much time with my wife and daughter. They did join me several
times in New York when I was living there and working on music, and I did take
a trip down the Mississippi river with my wife to see New Orleans. This was the
only time I went into the Deep South, before this I had only been to
Kentucky.
I realized early on that
the key to obtaining an audience for my songs and my message was on the
minstrel stage. “Oh Susanna” was my first successful song to be performed. The
Christy Minstrel performed “Oh Susanna” and made it popular. I only made $100
off of this song, and I realized that this was not a success, as much as it was
a letdown. I did realize after this sale
that I could be a songwriter.
I studied music and
language. I spent a lot of time around immigrant communities so I could learn
about their style. It was my goal to write songs that everyone could relate to.
Many of my songs will be passed on to future generations. My song “Sewanee
River” will one day be deemed politically incorrect.
I was ahead of my time in
this area. There were no real copyright laws or rights for artists. I quit my
book keeping job and returned to New York. I signed a contract with Firth,
Pond, and Co, which was a New York Publishing Company, on December 3, 1849.
Unfortunately I was never
made rich by my songs. I made rash decisions when selling them and often sold
them for far less than they were worth. This was a contributing factor in why
my wife left me.
First Editorial Response by Stephen
Collins Foster
Pittsburgh is a political
hot bed for abolitionist activities and figures. My close friend Charles Shiras
is a leader in this movement. He was inspired by William Lloyd Garrison and
Fredrick Douglas, both of which made appearances in Pittsburgh. He began a
newspaper that ran a series of antislavery articles. Together we wrote a song
and this song was never published.
Because I have not really
traveled to the Deep South and seen firsthand slavery up close, I do not really
know the full impact it would have to free the slaves. I feel like it is wrong
to hold another human being in bondage against their will. It is through my
music that I try to explain that to the white population. It is my deepest wish
that my songs are performed true to how they would sound coming from the lips
of the Negro.
It is obvious to me that
the Negro, though enslaved and owned like an animal, is human. He walks like a
human being. He talks like a human being. And, when his family is sold away
from him, or him from them, I am sure that he feels the same human sorrow as
would a white man in this same situation. When my songs are not humorous (“Camp
Town Racism”) or romantic (“I dream of Jeanie with the Long Brown Hair”), they
often deal with sad human issues that are often forced upon the Negro. He is
helpless due to his low status. Yet he is human.
If he is was in his
African home he would raise his family according to moral standards that fit
his situation. He might even participate in a government though simple by our
standards.
SECOND
EDITORIAL BY STEPHEN COLLINS FOSTER
While I have utmost
sympathy for the enslaved black man, I am aware of how abolition of slavery
would affect the poor white man. The poor white man, though he does not own a
slave could be adversely affected by the abolition of slavery.
I was
born modestly well off but my family’s finances were always in a state of flux,
up sometimes and hovering just above the poverty line at other, this despite
him holding public office. I was close enough to that line to see the
devastation wrought upon a family when a breadwinner loses his employment or
his health, which his employment depends upon. One might fear that a free black
man might leave the farm or plantation to seek work in the city. If the black man
were to do this it could be another threat to a white man’s livelihood.
We
cannot also discount the unrealistic fear of the poor white man that the
“inferior” black man, if free, could move into the poor white man’s
neighborhood and mix his genes with the gene pool, namely, his sons and
daughters.
I
understand the fears of my white peers about how the Negro being freed could
cause social friction, but I feel like this is something that is humanly right
to do. There is a fear that in the South the social order might be up-ended.
If we
free the Negros, do we also let them vote? If they vote and outnumber us do we
get black lawmakers who enslave us? Do we get laws that steal our heritage from
our children? We would hope black electors would be as honest as white
electors, but if we have stolen their heritage where is our complaint if they
steal ours.
CONCLUSION
Stephen Collins Foster
was the Simon and Garfunkel of his day. He was a self-musician who taught
America about itself. During his lifetime he was never fully credited for his
contributions to American Culture.
On January 13, 1864 he
died in New York City. He was estranged from his wife and daughter and
penniless. He had only 38 cents in his pocket.
REFERENCES
http://explorepahistory.com/hmarker.php?markerId
www.nndb.com/phtteople/
Deane L. Root. "Foster, Stephen";
American National Biography Online Feb. 2000.
Access Date: Fri Jan 01 2016 20:56:23 GMT-0600 (Central Standard
Time)
Stephen Foster. (2016). In Encyclopædia Britannica.
Retrieved from http://www.britannica.com/biography/Stephen-Foster
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Day 2: The Fitness Journey
At 5:30 a.m. I was awake and ready to go.
I jumped into the shower and began to get things in order for my journey to the gym.
The plan was drop my son off at the school and then my sister and I would head to the gym. It went flawlessly.
We walked and ran on the track. We used the elliptical machine, we did the stationary bike, we walked and ran some more.
Conversation and hopes flowed forth.
I spent some of the day at the grocery store and then at home I took a nap while my daughter watched princess movies.
After picking up my son, I headed back to the gym for the RIPPED Class.
It was an amazing full body work out.
I struggled with some of the moves simply because I have never been able to do coordinated dance or exercise moves.
The modified pushups nearly did me in.
The jumping was hard on my bladder, I am fairly certain I was leaking just a tiny bit.
My face was flushed and sweat was running down my body.
By the end of the class I felt so happy. I survived! I did a class that I thought might be too hard for me and I want to return.
After class I walked on the track again.
I'm home, supper, homework, and baths all done. I'm relaxing and trying to keep my eyes open.
January 5, 2016
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
I jumped into the shower and began to get things in order for my journey to the gym.
The plan was drop my son off at the school and then my sister and I would head to the gym. It went flawlessly.
We walked and ran on the track. We used the elliptical machine, we did the stationary bike, we walked and ran some more.
Conversation and hopes flowed forth.
I spent some of the day at the grocery store and then at home I took a nap while my daughter watched princess movies.
After picking up my son, I headed back to the gym for the RIPPED Class.
It was an amazing full body work out.
I struggled with some of the moves simply because I have never been able to do coordinated dance or exercise moves.
The modified pushups nearly did me in.
The jumping was hard on my bladder, I am fairly certain I was leaking just a tiny bit.
My face was flushed and sweat was running down my body.
By the end of the class I felt so happy. I survived! I did a class that I thought might be too hard for me and I want to return.
After class I walked on the track again.
I'm home, supper, homework, and baths all done. I'm relaxing and trying to keep my eyes open.
January 5, 2016
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Monday, January 4, 2016
Pondering
It is nearly the witching hour and here I sit.
My mind is full of the study guide I just read for my class.
I need to sleep, yet not ready to let the dreams claim me.
I'm cringing on the inside and tiny bit ashamed at my horrible eating habits this week. Already I have eaten out at really fatty places three times this week, with one more tomorrow.
It's been a good week.
A lot of great meetings with great people and one more to come tomorrow. I am making myself go because I seriously need to get the kids and I out a lot more. I also need to spend this time with another churchgoer so that maybe I can find my way back.
My daily prayer is that God will shine his light into the deep darkness that is shrouding my life. That the skies will clear and like a cold winter's night I will hear his voice echoing across the sky.
I used to hear his voice,
that is when I listened only to gospel music.
Read my Bible every single day sometimes multiple times.
Things started to shift when my daughter was born. The world began to tilt a bit to the side.
Now it is completely upside down.
I have all that I need, I try to pass the blessings on. I strive to be a better person each day.
Like the Pastor at church said it is the darkness inside of us that we are afraid to forgive. We forgive those who wronged us but not us. I am confused on this point, have I truly asked for redemption. Gotten down to nothing and cried out like Job? I am not sure.
Why cannot I answer this question that plagues me so? Am I going to Heaven or Hell.
I love God, my kids my husband my friends my family.
What have I done wrong and why is the gate on that narrow path swinging back and forth?
Will I find the peace that I so desperately seek before it is too late?
Lord be with me as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death....
No I am not suicidal, this is actually one of my favorites Psalm 23, it reminds me of walking through the valley knowing you are alone but God is going to guide you and bring you back into the light.
I always read the Psalms starting at 23.
That is true comfort.
B. Alwildia Garcia
December 29, 2015
Sunday, January 3, 2016
Sunday Morning Meltdown
It began innocently enough.
All were fed and clothed and just about ready to pack the diaper bag, and that is when tragedy struck.
No it wasn't a toddler meltdown, it was a Mommy meltdown.
My six year old son had absolutely no idea where his glasses were. I was in a state of dressed, but needing hair and make up. A diaper bag to pack, a Mommy bag to shove stuff into and shoes on both kids.
We systematically began to tear through the house. I am screaming and raging and cursing, yes, I said cursing. It was an ugly site to see and sound to hear. All this before we were to load up the van and head to church.
I was raging mad and feeling so down because I knew I had a rocking outfit all thrown together but my time for making my face and hair presentable was slipping away. I tried to pull myself back, slathering on my essential oils as I am rampaging through the house.
It was no use
A phone call to my Dad in hopes he could calm the dragon raging forth from my soul. But it was of no use, unstoppable is what I was. I wanted so badly to cry, but no tears would come.
Again I am back to the square of the question "Why does my son respond to so much as if he were Autistic", but no one can see this? I carried on about this for many precious minutes.
Finally I am slapping on my nearly destroyed mascara that my three year old was kind enough to use as a magic marker yesterday, slap on lip gloss and hope the concealer and powder would do the trick.
Dress, boots, light jacket, I'm ready.
Kids loaded, my son has red puffy crying his heart out eyes
My daughter pretty much oblivious to my mood, still laughing and driving me batty.
We make it to church only to encounter a new sign in system just mere minutes before service is to start. I consider handing back my program and walking out the door and heading over to my previous church. Somehow I manage to inhale enough patchouli and lavender to convince myself that this would be a horrible idea.
By the time I get my son up the stairs to the balcony the lights are off and the service has begun. I was calmed somewhat to see that they would be singing "Victory in Jesus" Which I know all about belting it out in a loud off key Pentecostal style. And you guessed it, they weren't singing that song in a hurry, but rather very slow, so my off key belting out of the lyrics sounded even worse, but hey I was there, I was worshiping and I was trying to focus on God not missing glasses and kids that may or may not be Autistic.
Service was great and then it is time to go home. I want to take the kids to the new YMCA for the Princess Tea and Superhero Adventure, but my Dad was here ready to help me look for the glasses again.
He spent an hour before I got here looking in my house and my car and going to the stores we had been at the previous day. No glasses, not for me, not for him, not for me any of the other times I looked the rest of the day.
I did manage to get the kids to their destinations despite a non listening little girl and a little boy who was pretty sure his Mama had turned into a demon.
I worked on a school paper for an hour while they played in a room with other kids and other adults.
Home again I took a nap let them play and when I woke up I got mad all over again. I called my Dad again and lamented all my failings as a mom who is trying to parent two kids do online school find time to work out and cook healthy meals ALONE. Yep, they ate fast food tonight due to that hour long rant.
Then I settled on the couch again.
One entire day has passed and the glasses are still lost.
I did wash every single bed and couch linen in the house though. And thanks to lost glasses two loads of laundry managed to be put away. I was also able to sweep behind pieces of furniture that hadn't been moved in three months and clean off two surfaces in my bedroom.
That is my positive.
I am still frustrated and sad and angry and feeling lost and alone, but I will get over it, after all, what else is there to do?
Even my husband tried to downplay the seriousness of the situation because he could tell that at least two hinges had come off the door of my sanity and this is not the time for me to be unhinged.
My dear friend told me to get some ice cream and add a lot of Kahlua, I haven't yet, but it sure is tempting.
Somehow in all of this madness I did manage to have a fairly good day.
I am just really upset that I somehow let my son's glasses get lost, but I can keep up with every single piece to the stupid Minnie Mouse kitchen my daughter got from Santa.
Yes, God will see me through, and yes I should have asked God for guidance this morning. I should not have let my kids see me raving mad and foaming at the mouth over glasses and whatever else was causing me issues. Like the dog crapping in my son's bedroom this morning.
As I am chasing said dog around the living room with a toilet paper handful of dog crap my son is asking me to be nice to the dog. I was very nice I crammed his crap in his furry face and kicked him outside in the sunny thirty degree weather for about thirty minutes. That my friend should fix the problem of the pooping in the house Chihuahua.
Please my friends do far better than I have. I know that my husband's absence does not make it okay to go stark raving mad. Not even if my Dad is trying to tell me it is a perfectly acceptable excuse. I own my horrible non mommy and God fearing behavior. I only hope that God can forgive me for dropping the f'bomb many times on his day, just before grabbing my Bible and heading out the door.
Yes, I really do need to let go and let God. I really do.
January 3, 2016
Psalm 91:2 I will say of the Lord, he is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
I will strive to do this as another one of my New Year's Resolutions.
All were fed and clothed and just about ready to pack the diaper bag, and that is when tragedy struck.
No it wasn't a toddler meltdown, it was a Mommy meltdown.
My six year old son had absolutely no idea where his glasses were. I was in a state of dressed, but needing hair and make up. A diaper bag to pack, a Mommy bag to shove stuff into and shoes on both kids.
We systematically began to tear through the house. I am screaming and raging and cursing, yes, I said cursing. It was an ugly site to see and sound to hear. All this before we were to load up the van and head to church.
I was raging mad and feeling so down because I knew I had a rocking outfit all thrown together but my time for making my face and hair presentable was slipping away. I tried to pull myself back, slathering on my essential oils as I am rampaging through the house.
It was no use
A phone call to my Dad in hopes he could calm the dragon raging forth from my soul. But it was of no use, unstoppable is what I was. I wanted so badly to cry, but no tears would come.
Again I am back to the square of the question "Why does my son respond to so much as if he were Autistic", but no one can see this? I carried on about this for many precious minutes.
Finally I am slapping on my nearly destroyed mascara that my three year old was kind enough to use as a magic marker yesterday, slap on lip gloss and hope the concealer and powder would do the trick.
Dress, boots, light jacket, I'm ready.
Kids loaded, my son has red puffy crying his heart out eyes
My daughter pretty much oblivious to my mood, still laughing and driving me batty.
We make it to church only to encounter a new sign in system just mere minutes before service is to start. I consider handing back my program and walking out the door and heading over to my previous church. Somehow I manage to inhale enough patchouli and lavender to convince myself that this would be a horrible idea.
By the time I get my son up the stairs to the balcony the lights are off and the service has begun. I was calmed somewhat to see that they would be singing "Victory in Jesus" Which I know all about belting it out in a loud off key Pentecostal style. And you guessed it, they weren't singing that song in a hurry, but rather very slow, so my off key belting out of the lyrics sounded even worse, but hey I was there, I was worshiping and I was trying to focus on God not missing glasses and kids that may or may not be Autistic.
Service was great and then it is time to go home. I want to take the kids to the new YMCA for the Princess Tea and Superhero Adventure, but my Dad was here ready to help me look for the glasses again.
He spent an hour before I got here looking in my house and my car and going to the stores we had been at the previous day. No glasses, not for me, not for him, not for me any of the other times I looked the rest of the day.
I did manage to get the kids to their destinations despite a non listening little girl and a little boy who was pretty sure his Mama had turned into a demon.
I worked on a school paper for an hour while they played in a room with other kids and other adults.
Home again I took a nap let them play and when I woke up I got mad all over again. I called my Dad again and lamented all my failings as a mom who is trying to parent two kids do online school find time to work out and cook healthy meals ALONE. Yep, they ate fast food tonight due to that hour long rant.
Then I settled on the couch again.
One entire day has passed and the glasses are still lost.
I did wash every single bed and couch linen in the house though. And thanks to lost glasses two loads of laundry managed to be put away. I was also able to sweep behind pieces of furniture that hadn't been moved in three months and clean off two surfaces in my bedroom.
That is my positive.
I am still frustrated and sad and angry and feeling lost and alone, but I will get over it, after all, what else is there to do?
Even my husband tried to downplay the seriousness of the situation because he could tell that at least two hinges had come off the door of my sanity and this is not the time for me to be unhinged.
My dear friend told me to get some ice cream and add a lot of Kahlua, I haven't yet, but it sure is tempting.
Somehow in all of this madness I did manage to have a fairly good day.
I am just really upset that I somehow let my son's glasses get lost, but I can keep up with every single piece to the stupid Minnie Mouse kitchen my daughter got from Santa.
Yes, God will see me through, and yes I should have asked God for guidance this morning. I should not have let my kids see me raving mad and foaming at the mouth over glasses and whatever else was causing me issues. Like the dog crapping in my son's bedroom this morning.
As I am chasing said dog around the living room with a toilet paper handful of dog crap my son is asking me to be nice to the dog. I was very nice I crammed his crap in his furry face and kicked him outside in the sunny thirty degree weather for about thirty minutes. That my friend should fix the problem of the pooping in the house Chihuahua.
Please my friends do far better than I have. I know that my husband's absence does not make it okay to go stark raving mad. Not even if my Dad is trying to tell me it is a perfectly acceptable excuse. I own my horrible non mommy and God fearing behavior. I only hope that God can forgive me for dropping the f'bomb many times on his day, just before grabbing my Bible and heading out the door.
Yes, I really do need to let go and let God. I really do.
January 3, 2016
Psalm 91:2 I will say of the Lord, he is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
I will strive to do this as another one of my New Year's Resolutions.
Friday, January 1, 2016
New Year's Resolutions 2016
My resolutions are pretty simple. Just small things that I want to accomplish that will lead me into a much healthier future.
Resolution #1 to actually utilize and make headway at the local YMCA. I joined, I have the class schedule and I am interested. I am already looking at my calendar trying to find ways to tweak it so that it allows more time for exercise. There are classes for my daughter during the day, so this will also benefit her. I love three of the Sunday classes for my kids, so if nothing else I can sit and use my computer there and actually do homework in peace or I can work out. Part B of this is to document my journey through this blog.
Resolution #2 To find my way back to the church. Once I could hear God talking to me. I knew I was walking with him. I slipped up for a little bit, but once I listened I could still hear God's voice. Over the last few years it has grown so faint I cannot hear it. I know it is still there, I know that I need redemption and I am to find it. I am doing the First Baptist Church Bible Reading Plan for 2016.
Today's verse was Psalm 1-2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. This is my goal. I can do this and it will benefit not only me, but my entire family.
Resolution #3 I must get my daughter to potty train by the end of May. I am tired of the stinky diapers and cost. I am ready for this phase to be completely over. She is my last child, so once I get past this phase, it is done until much later I am blessed as a grandmother.
Resolution #4 Is to improve my time and do more 5ks. I want to do these not only to improve my stamina and health but to give money to charities
Resolution #5 is to do at least one craft a month with my kids. This will be something we will send either to my husband, my mom, an aunt, or even my dad's girlfriend.
Resolution #6 is to become an even better baker than I am. I also want to share more of my creations with those in need. I am going to find a way to connect with those who are experiencing a tough time in their life and bake something for them.
Resolution #7 Is to build my business. To get it to be more self sustaining and to share my oils with many more people. To finally find my confidence and my push.
Resolution #8 Is to be a more patient and understanding person in all situations.
My biggest goal is to make 2016 count. This will be a year spent almost entirely with my kids only. I am not going to dwell on that, but rather on improving my faults before he returns. To give my life completely back to God and to become the person he would have me to be.
I am a wife and a mother. I am a daughter and a sister. I intend to make each relationship better. To repair and grow those that are broken. To strengthen each of them.
Make this year count. Give it your all. Focus on the positive. Leave the negative behind.
January 1, 2015
.
Resolution #1 to actually utilize and make headway at the local YMCA. I joined, I have the class schedule and I am interested. I am already looking at my calendar trying to find ways to tweak it so that it allows more time for exercise. There are classes for my daughter during the day, so this will also benefit her. I love three of the Sunday classes for my kids, so if nothing else I can sit and use my computer there and actually do homework in peace or I can work out. Part B of this is to document my journey through this blog.
Resolution #2 To find my way back to the church. Once I could hear God talking to me. I knew I was walking with him. I slipped up for a little bit, but once I listened I could still hear God's voice. Over the last few years it has grown so faint I cannot hear it. I know it is still there, I know that I need redemption and I am to find it. I am doing the First Baptist Church Bible Reading Plan for 2016.
Today's verse was Psalm 1-2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. This is my goal. I can do this and it will benefit not only me, but my entire family.
Resolution #3 I must get my daughter to potty train by the end of May. I am tired of the stinky diapers and cost. I am ready for this phase to be completely over. She is my last child, so once I get past this phase, it is done until much later I am blessed as a grandmother.
Resolution #4 Is to improve my time and do more 5ks. I want to do these not only to improve my stamina and health but to give money to charities
Resolution #5 is to do at least one craft a month with my kids. This will be something we will send either to my husband, my mom, an aunt, or even my dad's girlfriend.
Resolution #6 is to become an even better baker than I am. I also want to share more of my creations with those in need. I am going to find a way to connect with those who are experiencing a tough time in their life and bake something for them.
Resolution #7 Is to build my business. To get it to be more self sustaining and to share my oils with many more people. To finally find my confidence and my push.
Resolution #8 Is to be a more patient and understanding person in all situations.
My biggest goal is to make 2016 count. This will be a year spent almost entirely with my kids only. I am not going to dwell on that, but rather on improving my faults before he returns. To give my life completely back to God and to become the person he would have me to be.
I am a wife and a mother. I am a daughter and a sister. I intend to make each relationship better. To repair and grow those that are broken. To strengthen each of them.
Make this year count. Give it your all. Focus on the positive. Leave the negative behind.
January 1, 2015
.
Reflections Upon 2015
2015 was a good year.
We lived it to the fullest.
The kitchen became the center of our home, where we created food together.
A free zoo membership gifted to us made it possible to go to the zoo a lot.
There were ups and downs. Arguments and deep discussions. A time to frown and many times to smile. Together we became more of a team. Since 2010, this was the longest time my husband and I had lived together in the same house as a Mother/Father unit. j
September 2013 we were united, in October 2015 we had to say see ya later and let Facetime become our method of communication.
During 2015 we lived in El Paso on a military installation. We came to see the benefits this afforded us. It was a true blessing and an experience we carry with us in our hearts. We lived in a town home that was the biggest house I had ever lived in.
We went on a second marriage retreat, again to Albuquerque. It was a lovely weekend where we met some great people.
I joined a Bible Study called Protestant Women of Christ. This was a great experience for me.
The kids and our little dog loved taking walks around the neighborhood and going to the playground. It was nice to live with a big city all around you, yet be separate.
My husband was home just about every single night. Gate Guard was a difficult time for us. We truly learned to live in the moment.
All of 2015 was spent doing everything that could be done as a family. A time to focus on us. To make memories that would carry us through the upcoming separation.
I have no regrets.
This was by far one of the best years I have ever had.
I am truly blessed to be loved by my husband and to be called mom by such amazing kids.
January 1 2016
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