Sunday Morning Meltdown

It began innocently enough.
All were fed and clothed and just about ready to pack the diaper bag, and that is when tragedy struck.
No it wasn't a toddler meltdown, it was a Mommy meltdown.

My six year old son had absolutely no idea where his glasses were. I was in a state of dressed, but needing hair and make up. A diaper bag to pack, a Mommy bag to shove stuff into and shoes on both kids.

We systematically began to tear through the house. I am screaming and raging and cursing, yes, I said cursing. It was an ugly site to see and sound to hear. All this before we were to load up the van and head to church.

I was raging mad and feeling so down because I knew I had a rocking outfit all thrown together but my time for making my face and hair presentable was slipping away. I tried to pull myself back, slathering on my essential oils as I am rampaging through the house.

It was no use

A phone call to my Dad in hopes he could calm the dragon raging forth from my soul. But it was of no use, unstoppable is what I was. I wanted so badly to cry, but no tears would come.

Again I am back to the square of the question "Why does my son respond to so much as if he were Autistic", but no one can see this? I carried on about this for many precious minutes.

Finally I am slapping on my nearly destroyed mascara that my three year old was kind enough to use as a magic marker yesterday, slap on lip gloss and hope the concealer and powder would do the trick.

Dress, boots, light jacket, I'm ready.

Kids loaded, my son has red puffy crying his heart out eyes

My daughter pretty much oblivious to my mood, still laughing and driving me batty.

We make it to church only to encounter a new sign in system just mere minutes before service is to start. I consider handing back my program and walking out the door and heading over to my previous church. Somehow I manage to inhale enough patchouli and lavender to convince myself that this would be a horrible idea.

By the time I get my son up the stairs to the balcony the lights are off and the service has begun. I was calmed somewhat to see that they would be singing "Victory in Jesus" Which I know all about belting it out in a loud off key Pentecostal style. And you guessed it, they weren't singing that song in a hurry, but rather very slow, so my off key belting out of the lyrics sounded even worse, but hey I was there, I was worshiping and I was trying to focus on God not missing glasses and kids that may or may not be Autistic.

Service was great and then it is time to go home. I want to take the kids to the new YMCA for the Princess Tea and Superhero Adventure, but my Dad was here ready to help me look for the glasses again.

He spent an hour before I got here looking in my house and my car and going to the stores we had been at the previous day. No glasses, not for me, not for him, not for me any of the other times I looked the rest of the day.

I did manage to get the kids to their destinations despite a non listening little girl and a little boy who was pretty sure his Mama had turned into a demon.

I worked on a school paper for an hour while they played in a room with other kids and other adults.

Home again I took a nap let them play and when I woke up I got mad all over again. I called my Dad again and lamented all my failings as a mom who is trying to parent two kids do online school find time to work out and cook healthy meals ALONE. Yep, they ate fast food tonight due to that hour long rant.

Then I settled on the couch again.

One entire day has passed and the glasses are still lost.

I did wash every single bed and couch linen in the house though. And thanks to lost glasses two loads of laundry managed to be put away. I was also able to sweep behind pieces of furniture that hadn't been moved in three months and clean off two surfaces in my bedroom.

That is my positive.

I am still frustrated and sad and angry and feeling lost and alone, but I will get over it, after all, what else is there to do?

Even my husband tried to downplay the seriousness of the situation because he could tell that at least two hinges had come off the door of my sanity and this is not the time for me to be unhinged.

My dear friend told me to get some ice cream and add a lot of Kahlua, I haven't yet, but it sure is tempting.

Somehow in all of this madness I did manage to have a fairly good day.

I am just really upset that I somehow let my son's glasses get lost, but I can keep up with every single piece to the stupid Minnie Mouse kitchen my daughter got from Santa.

Yes, God will see me through, and yes I should have asked God for guidance this morning. I should not have let my kids see me raving mad and foaming at the mouth over glasses and whatever else was causing me issues. Like the dog crapping in my son's bedroom this morning.

As I am chasing said dog around the living room with a toilet paper handful of dog crap my son is asking me to be nice to the dog. I was very nice I crammed his crap in his furry face and kicked him outside in the sunny thirty degree weather for about thirty minutes. That my friend should fix the problem of the pooping in the house Chihuahua.

Please my friends do far better than I have. I know that my husband's absence does not make it okay to go stark raving mad. Not even if my Dad is trying to tell me it is a perfectly acceptable excuse. I own my horrible non mommy and God fearing behavior. I only hope that God can forgive me for dropping the f'bomb many times on his day, just before grabbing my Bible and heading out the door.

Yes, I really do need to let go and let God. I really do.

January 3, 2016

Psalm 91:2 I will say of the Lord, he is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

I will strive to do this as another one of my New Year's Resolutions.