My oldest son who is still in an in between place has for the moment forsaken God. My heart breaks at this. Every time he would visit me he would tell me he is an atheist. He would become angry when I mentioned that going to church would be part of his visit. He made Sunday mornings difficult so that by the time I got to church I was shaking from anger. I managed to half force him, half encourage him to volunteer at my church twice. Once I was present and he had a blast. The second time he went alone and argued right up until the moment I introduced him to the lady in charge. Again he had a blast. I was trying desperately to show him church was fun. That he still loved God. I was praying he would want to get back into church.
When he was close to twelve and first moved to his Dad's house, he loved the church they attended. He was very involved in the youth group. He had a good relationship with the pastor. He wanted to be a missionary. But when his Dad moved him farther away from the church, and he could not attend, he lost his zeal. Then the way his father was yelling at him made him doubt God.
The entire time I am telling him to pray. To believe in God's plan for our lives. To pray for understanding of God's plan. To know that all things go according to God's will. I pray for him, I pray with him. I read the Bible to him and the younger two kids. I took him to church when I could. It did not change his mindset.
Fast forward to now. He is in an in between place. A place where neither I nor his Dad are in control at this very moment. I am trying to stand united, to extend an olive branch to his father. He continues to state that he will win. He always wins. This alone angers me, because it is not a game. This is our son. We need to be united, but he refuses to acknowledge me. Despite custody papers that state my right to be involved in this hospital stay, he refuses to involve me. I have gone around him. I have spent hours calling the people in charge, looking for any loophole that can grant me access. I am still only on the edge, but moving closer to being fully acknowledged. I get frustrated at the system. I see how it fails so many, and know that it is going to fail my son, yet I push forward.
Olive branch or not I finally found my edge and I jumped up to it and pushed. This will raise his father's anger once the knowledge of my signature on one piece of paper did. Ha. But still it is not about me winning. It is about fighting for my son, and having to go around to find legal loopholes, well so be it.
I find out from my son that this pastor from his Dad's church went to visit him. At first I am elated. Until I hear he carried no Bible. He offered no prayer, or advice, but he did offer a great guilt trip of how his actions were only hurting his father and that he was completely wrong. And then he went and told my son's dad all about the entire conversation. Really?
Knowing that my son had previously talked to my Dad, I called him. Oh my goodness, this is a reality! My Baptist father who may not attend church regularly was deeply disturbed by this turn of events.
To think that this man is leading a church, it makes you wonder if anything told to him by anyone in that church is held in confidence.
Many years ago, when my son lived with me, he was having some difficulty with life. I reached out to my then Pastor who spent a couple of afternoons with him. To this day I have no idea what they talked about. All my Pastor told me was that he was a good boy. This is how it should be.
At this little visit my son relayed the events that led up to his decision. Instead of being prayed with and for and maybe a little scripture he was made to feel guilty and wrong. His feeling discounted and those of his father more important. At this very moment I am barely restraining myself from contacting this pastor and laying into him. I know I cannot do this right now. I know it may never be the right time, but I will never recommend people to this church. I really thought this guy was great. I had met him a few times. I saw how excited he was for my son to be included in church events even when he was at my house. He made it happen.
I listened to my son rant about how believing in God was crazy. How I had been asking him to pray, to keep the faith. He was betrayed. And I am so confused why this pastor would offer no solace, no scripture, no prayer and then betray his confidence.
Mathew 7:15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
2 Corinthians 11:13 For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ.
December 21, 2016
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