Lately there have been a lot of stories about parents leaving children in hot vehicles. If you pull up the articles it is almost always a negligent parent. If you read the comments they are full of hate and judgment. The amount of foul language and hate directed at these parents is far worse than anything found in a scary movie. But have you ever took a step back after reading a story and wondered if that parent was really a piece of #@!!? Have you ever considered what they said that day and thought, that could have been me? No most people do not, maybe because they consider their routine fool proof, or they are always on top of their game. I mean after all don't we automatically think oh they were out doing drugs, going to the bar, or just plain heartless. But one hot summer day my thoughts on this subject turned and here is why.
My husband was gone, it was five months into a year long deployment. I had moved from our duty station to our home state of Tennessee. I had a 7 1/2 old baby who was exclusively breastfed. I had a four year old son who went to Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy, and Physical Therapy. All of which were several days a week one hour from our home. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, stressed, lonely, and it was so hot and humid.
Here it was June, and it was hot! The air conditioner in our house wasn't working. I had already done my research and thought that we had a least until the end of summer before a decision had to be made. But one day we came home from therapy and the house was extremely hot, unbearable. My oldest son had come to stay, so I have three kids in this very hot house. I'm upset and stressed because now I have to explain to my husband via Skype what is going on and that this expense will be now, not August. I contact the people I had chosen to do the installation, but there was a lot of paperwork involved. So I drag three kids with me to the Electric Department to start the process. The clincher is I won't know for sure we are approved until later that day, and then I have to come in and sign the final paperwork. Of course I find out at the very end of the business day that I am approved and the paperwork will have to be finished the next day.
A family from our church offered us a place to stay, so we wouldn't have to spend the night in our hot house. So we all went to their house. The next day was a much anticipated church trip. There would be lots of yummy food, boating, swimming, and fellowship. We were all so very excited. This is where things start to come apart for me. I cannot ever fully get my emotions or exhaustion down into words. Unless you have been there, you won't understand. I had brought all of our clothes for the church trip, all of the things that three kids will need for this type of outing. I was not staying in my own house, I hadn't slept well because I shared a twin size bed with my four year old who also ended up wetting the bed. I had been up at least twice to nurse the baby and my oldest son who was sleeping on the floor snored. To say I really didn't sleep well would be an understatement.
A beautiful June day dawns bright and hot. I wake up ready to sign the paperwork. I have one very excited boy ready to get this day going. I have one cranky four year old and my little baby girl. I've only got about an hour or so before we need to be at the church. Rather than drag all the kids with me to sign papers, it is agreed that my two older kids would stay with the family and I would come back and get them. I'm not really sure what was going on with me on this day, but I know I wasn't my normal put together self.
I put my beautiful daughter into her car seat carrier, place her in the back seat of the car. Honestly I think I only had a wallet and my nursing cover with me because it was such a short errand and the family lived very close to the Electric Department. So I get there, I park, I get out, I walk inside give them my name. I stand there by the desk just waiting. Not really thinking. Maybe two minutes later they call my name and I reach down for the carrier. It wasn't there! I remember half yelling, half telling them that I left my baby in the car and then ran for the door, I ran fast. I know I made a scene, that is how fast I ran. All I could think of was my irresponsibility, my baby. I got to the car and as I opened the rear door, I saw her just looking around not even crying.
I pulled the carrier out and I put it on the trunk and looked at her beautiful face and realized just how lucky I had been, but at the same time how stupid. This was my third child! I had never left any of my kids until this moment in a hot car. I returned to the building shaking and almost sobbing. I did what I had to do and they were kind enough not to pass judgment to my face. I'm sure they did after I left, after all isn't that human nature? I remember sitting there telling the lady over and over that I had never done this before and how awful I felt.
The reason this happened to me, was because I had been living in a fog. I rarely slept more than five hours a night. I got up early and drove an hour away from my house no less than three days a week and sat there while my son did his therapy then returned home to nap on the couch. I was always nursing my daughter, I just let her nurse all the time. I mean isn't that the purpose of EBF? My middle son would watch television most of the day. When my oldest would come over he played with the neighbor kids. I walked a fine line between sanity and insanity. I was very depressed. Deployment didn't sit well with me. I hated it when things went wrong and I had to find the solution. I hated making huge financial decisions without my husband being there to talk it out with me.
And then this particular day I woke up in someone else's house, I got three kids ready for a church outing, I took only my baby with me to sign paperwork. Normally my four year old would be there, I would have to open the door for him, but he wasn't with me that morning and somehow that wiped the "get the kids out of the car" part of my brain clear.
To this day I beat myself up over this. I look at my daughter and I say a quick thank you to God for letting her come out of this okay. I mean we are talking five minutes or less, but that is a long time to be alone in a car. This will never happen again, not to my kids. I will never let myself get that far lost in a fog again.
But to instantly judge a parent who forgot to take their child to day care or on some other errand is wrong. The media sensationalizes a lot of what we see. Sometimes accidents really do happen to good people. I was one of those people. I am always told that I am a strong woman, I am a wonderful mother, and my favorite, I have it all together. But as you can see by my story, I don't always have it together and I too make mistakes.
Be aware of your children and your surroundings, don't be negligent because sometimes the outcome is much worse than this one. But also be compassionate toward those who did make an honest mistake. Not everyone is a piece of #@!#! for leaving a child in the car. We don't know the struggles of each person we encounter whether it be in the news or in person. Let he who is perfect cast the first stone.
I think the diaper bag on the front seat is a great piece of advice, if I would have brought my diaper bag it would have been a different scenario. Instead I had my wallet and the nursing cover which were in the car seat with my daughter. Normally I keep my wallet in my diaper bag.
This is just my story, it not a way to say that everyone who does this is innocent, just a way to say unless you have been in my shoes or the shoes of someone who was a good person who did this do not judge.
