The weather here in Middle Tennessee is really spectacular right now. Beautiful windy days with nice temperatures and plenty of rain. Leaving the ground a soggy mess of mud. Yet the flowers push through and bloom every day. The trees are swaying and you can here the song of Spring in their branches. I see the ducks and geese at the lake swimming and sunning. There are squirrels darting about here and there.
On my street we have the crazy cat man. Want a free wild cat? Well come on over. He has plenty and lots of colors to choose from. But do keep in mind that they may be stray and wandering all over the place, that they are fluffy and well fed. Most of them are bigger than my Chihuahua. I try to ignore them as they run in the road and sit on my porch and I am sure sleep under my deck.
I feel the awakening in my blood. The desire to stand outside in the cool rain. To roll the windows down in the car and blast a Country Music Station. (The classics) I feel the humidity which is still something of a shock to me even after nearly six months of being back. I think of the desert often, but it reminds me of hot. Just hot. And the grime from the dust and the exhaust and the noise of an overflowing city surrounded my desert. Really I miss the food. The cheap taco joints. I thought it was cheese dip that would quench my desire, but it is really authentic Mexican food.
Or maybe it is a memory of the one I love. Happy times spent in that dry arid place where we bloomed. Where we learned to grow and be who we should be away from all that was familiar to each of us.
I am adjusting to the absence. I am settling deep into our routine. Becoming rigid in my desire to keep it the same for the sake of the kids and I. Pushing myself to work out more. Smile more. Practice kindness more. I bake bread and the extra is given to a friend or muffins to the night shift police officers. I ask for nothing in return. I seek only my satisfaction and peace with God. I try as hard as I can to make myself go to church. I made it once in the last month, and that day I also made it to Sunday school.
It is peace that I seek and I am sure it is here with me.
Even after I yet again left my wallet behind. Only this time it was in a park. In Nashville on a bright sunny day. Lucky for me the stranger who came upon it messaged me on facebook letting me know it was found and at the neighboring library. All my contents were in tact except for $10. My Dad told me to be grateful. I have tried. I am. I thanked God. And I was frustrated at myself and at them. They went through my wallet, they removed what they felt was their due. Was it? Honestly, I may be a scrooge, but I thought maybe they should have taken the $3 and left me the $10. Did they do this because they saw my Military ID my El Paso Zoo membership card, two credit cards and three ATM debit cards? Did they feel that I was in a much better place than them? Maybe I am, but does that make either of us right? Yes, I prayed and prayed and still my heart is mildly troubled by it all.
The entire ordeal messed up my afternoon schedule slightly. It brought my Dad and I to a place of non-agreement. I cancelled every single card in my wallet requesting new ones. My wallet sat in that park in the heart of Nashville at an in between trendy and slummy part of town for an hour. My Dad swears that no one in their right mind would sit at that park and steal my identity, but I don't feel that is true. Everyone I asked said they would do the exact same thing that I did.
Onward I move. It's done. I'm blessed. It hasn't changed my outlook on anything.
God is great, he watches over us in all things.
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