For the second week in a row I am fairly certain I am hearing a message that God has for me. Things are kind of up in the air for us right now. We know for a certainty what is happening at the end of the year, we just don't know exactly the where and how exactly the kids and I will be affected. I have been praying, hubby is praying. I know what a tiny piece of my heart wants, but I also know that I am in a comfort zone.
I came to El Paso in March of 2012. To be exact we were here before Saint Patrick's day. I was newly pregnant, our son was on the cusp of beginning preschool and this was hubby's first duty station. I was terrified and angry. My oldest son was still in Tennessee. The following months spent in El Paso were not overly memorable. I was scared, hot, pregnant and anxious to get back home.
Being back home was a blessing in many ways and in other ways it was a tough lesson about true friendship and lack of support. Let it be said that I will never go back home when husband is deployed ever again. By the end of 2013 I couldn't wait to get back out to El Paso.
This time I embraced being here. I came with an open mind and let of my fears and stereotypes. My husband always jokes with me that no one is going to kidnap someone as old as me. But the point is that once I embraced being here things started falling into place. I haven't made a ton of new friends and one of my closest friends has moved, but I have found a place where I feel good.
PWOC was something I approached thinking okay this may not be for me. This may be something to try and then just go on doing my own thing. But it wasn't like MOPS, which was a place that after almost a year of going on and off. MOPS didn't call out to me, it didn't reach me deep down inside. In fact many of the times I was there I felt like an outsider. But one meeting with PWOC and I knew this is where I needed to be. This was a place where I could hear God's voice, and the people around me were filled with the spirit and his grace.
I can honestly say that after each meeting I walk away feeling fed. Not because there is always something yummy to eat, but because the messages are so powerful. The last two being about God's plan and growing where you are planted.
Things could still change, and I could still potentially find myself back in Tennessee living in my hometown for a year. But the more I pray the more messages I hear, I am beginning to think that this may not be happening.
I really enjoy being in our house on post. I love how big it is and how there is place for each of us to pull away and have quiet time. I love being in a neighborhood, I love being so close to everything. But I also really enjoy being in El Paso. Unlike many of the wives that I have encountered, I embrace the culture around me. I love hearing Spanish all around me.
The saddest thing for me it the racism displayed by fellow military wives. They have come to this place far from home and their comfort zone. Like me they were never used to being the minority. It is so different out here. But all they can see is a culture unlike theirs in their home country and they feel threatened by it and begin lashing out and saying hurtful things. They have a mental picture of how all of the locals are and they refuse to remove the cover from their eyes to see the locals as pretty cool individuals. Having lived off post for just over a year, I have spent a lot of time around the locals. My son goes to therapy in a place where myself and two other parents are the only English first speaking individuals. But we aren't treated differently. It just saddens me that people refuse to see the beauty and blessing of being surrounded by a different culture.
So I went to PWOC with this heavy on my heart. Having just read that unless you look Hispanic you can forget ever getting a job out here. It broke my heart that someone could be so callus and throw that out there. I get to PWOC and the speaker begins telling us about being all around the US and Germany and how she grew where she was planted.
I have grown here. I have found my place and comfort zone too. I really enjoy the weather, especially since Tennessee is finally thawing out after over two weeks of snow and ice. I like that my kids can learn Spanish right alongside English. I love the Mexican bakeries. I have found that the food out here has so much more flavor than back home. I even have my favorite taco place, and it was a good thing we moved on post because I wanted to eat there every single day.
So whatever happens at the end of the year. Wherever the kids and I end up, I know that we will be okay. I will be able to get our roots in the ground and we will grow strong. Even if it means we stay here, I will continue with PWOC. My new goal is to make more friends. To try and get to know my neighbors even though they hide behind their front doors.
Numbers 13: 30 Caleb quieted the people before Moses, and said, "Let us go up at once and take possession, for ewe are well able to overcome it."
Friday, February 27, 2015
The Illusions of what you think versus what you are
I was born and raised in Tennessee. I only ever lived somewhere else for maybe four years when my Dad was stationed in North Carolina. I lived in Memphis when I was small, but just in time for first grade we moved to a small town between Memphis and Nashville.
I never knew that I was different or better than anyone else, or had trouble making friends until we moved to this tiny town. Off and on until I graduated high school I would never fit in. I was never cool enough, dressed well enough, hair perfect enough, make up flawless, or well versed in whatever was trending. I learned early on that the desire to fit in can make you stand out more. That sometimes no matter how badly you are crushing on someone they may never even notice if you don't walk in their social circles.
By high school I found my place. It was with the head bangers and other misfits. I loved to wear all black, my crushes now had long hair and played in bands and drove muscle cars. I never fully crossed bad girl lines with smoking and drugs and alcohol while in school. It was much easier to toss aside my innocence in the hopes of fitting in, finding a perfect boyfriend, being cool. Yep, you guessed it, it never worked. What a waste that was. It only brought on more insecurities and problems and heart aches. I gained nothing but lost too much.
I graduated, not a stellar student by any means. By this point I was enjoying the tiny bit of social status I thought I had with my so called high school sweet heart and my supervisor position at Hardees. I really thought I was all that and on the up and coming. But again I was just fooling myself. And of course that sham of a relationship turned into a sham of a marriage that quickly fell apart. I was left with very little pride and a lot of broken heart pieces that I couldn't figure out how to mend. The depression was in full swing along with the desire to once again fit in. Why not start smoking and drinking and oh yea they are lonely like me, so why not? You guessed it, even more heartache.
I gave too much of myself to others to use as they would, I thought I found my beauty but in reality it was what I was freely giving that made me beautiful. They didn't want to be with me because I was smart or I had a good job at Walmart they wanted to be with me to get a taste of the honey. Oh what a fool I was.
I found my place once again drinking and partying and pretending I am cool collected well off and connected. I hung out where it was the place to be and with who was the person to be around. I was fake and even told by many friends that I had mastered the art of being fake. I didn't go to college, I just worked and lived with my Dad and drove a truck I couldn't afford that he basically paid for. To sum it up, I was a pretty piece of dog poo.
Then I found myself to be pregnant and the glorified factory job that I so coveted was no more because pregnancy wasn't kind to me. I puked and puked and then puked some more. I learned to hate myself even more. I learned that my true ugliness that I had been running from was shining through. I was terrified and trying to find my way out of the mess, but this was one I couldn't sweet talk my way out of.
There were moments of reality mixed with plenty of depression. Alcohol and bar scenes and smoking and running around with Mr. Right Nows that got me no where and right down the street to trashy and loose and whatever else you wanted to call it. I stumbled around for around ten years. Up one hill and down another until I finally stumbled upon Jesus and got it together. It took a lot of useless men who wanted a dumb pretty face who gave it all any way they wanted to get to Jesus. It was a thorny path in the deepest forest and many dungeons to find my way to Jesus.
But Jesus saved me, he forgave me. I have the life I have now because Jesus loves me and saved me. I may not do all that I should do, I may listen to or watch things that aren't exactly right, but Jesus loves me. I have everything positive in my life because I have Jesus. You to can find Jesus. It is not his will for any of us to perish, but to ever lasting life. Give your heart to Jesus.
Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us.
I never knew that I was different or better than anyone else, or had trouble making friends until we moved to this tiny town. Off and on until I graduated high school I would never fit in. I was never cool enough, dressed well enough, hair perfect enough, make up flawless, or well versed in whatever was trending. I learned early on that the desire to fit in can make you stand out more. That sometimes no matter how badly you are crushing on someone they may never even notice if you don't walk in their social circles.
By high school I found my place. It was with the head bangers and other misfits. I loved to wear all black, my crushes now had long hair and played in bands and drove muscle cars. I never fully crossed bad girl lines with smoking and drugs and alcohol while in school. It was much easier to toss aside my innocence in the hopes of fitting in, finding a perfect boyfriend, being cool. Yep, you guessed it, it never worked. What a waste that was. It only brought on more insecurities and problems and heart aches. I gained nothing but lost too much.
I graduated, not a stellar student by any means. By this point I was enjoying the tiny bit of social status I thought I had with my so called high school sweet heart and my supervisor position at Hardees. I really thought I was all that and on the up and coming. But again I was just fooling myself. And of course that sham of a relationship turned into a sham of a marriage that quickly fell apart. I was left with very little pride and a lot of broken heart pieces that I couldn't figure out how to mend. The depression was in full swing along with the desire to once again fit in. Why not start smoking and drinking and oh yea they are lonely like me, so why not? You guessed it, even more heartache.
I gave too much of myself to others to use as they would, I thought I found my beauty but in reality it was what I was freely giving that made me beautiful. They didn't want to be with me because I was smart or I had a good job at Walmart they wanted to be with me to get a taste of the honey. Oh what a fool I was.
I found my place once again drinking and partying and pretending I am cool collected well off and connected. I hung out where it was the place to be and with who was the person to be around. I was fake and even told by many friends that I had mastered the art of being fake. I didn't go to college, I just worked and lived with my Dad and drove a truck I couldn't afford that he basically paid for. To sum it up, I was a pretty piece of dog poo.
Then I found myself to be pregnant and the glorified factory job that I so coveted was no more because pregnancy wasn't kind to me. I puked and puked and then puked some more. I learned to hate myself even more. I learned that my true ugliness that I had been running from was shining through. I was terrified and trying to find my way out of the mess, but this was one I couldn't sweet talk my way out of.
There were moments of reality mixed with plenty of depression. Alcohol and bar scenes and smoking and running around with Mr. Right Nows that got me no where and right down the street to trashy and loose and whatever else you wanted to call it. I stumbled around for around ten years. Up one hill and down another until I finally stumbled upon Jesus and got it together. It took a lot of useless men who wanted a dumb pretty face who gave it all any way they wanted to get to Jesus. It was a thorny path in the deepest forest and many dungeons to find my way to Jesus.
But Jesus saved me, he forgave me. I have the life I have now because Jesus loves me and saved me. I may not do all that I should do, I may listen to or watch things that aren't exactly right, but Jesus loves me. I have everything positive in my life because I have Jesus. You to can find Jesus. It is not his will for any of us to perish, but to ever lasting life. Give your heart to Jesus.
Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Jeremiah 29:11
Today there was a speaker at PWOC who gave her testimony on idols. Her Idol was the Army, and her go to verse which became a crutch was Jeremiah 29:11.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
She explained that for all of her husbands career this was the verse she quoted every time plans changed or it was time to move. As she spoke I realized that I am very similar in that respect. The main reason being my son's health issues. My husband and I know that without the benefits we receive from the Army that our son's quality of life will be much less than it is now. All of the success we have had is because we had access to better insurance and doctors. I am also able to be a say at home mom. Should he leave the Army we would need both of us to work, which would put both kids in daycare and afterschool care, and it means high co-pays.
Since the moment my husband announced that he would like to join the Army I started praying, I began asking everyone for prayer. Next to my son being in the NICU, I'm not sure there was ever another time that I prayed so hard. And of course I read this verse over and over. I began to quote it at every set back. And then he prevailed, goal met and I knew for sure that it was all going according to God's plan. But we don't know what God's plan is for us until he begins to reveal to us what it is.
When I first began to doubt and wonder if we were really following God's will/plan was when hubby decided that he wanted to do Airborne. I was terrified of the place we would be going because all of the wives had very negative things to say. The people I talked to on the post were not overly nice. I began laying my doubt and fears onto my husband and before I know it, he has decided to drop out of Airborne and everything was changing again. I was praying hard, I was clinging to this verse, but I could never be sure again if we really were following God's will.
We ended up in El Paso and again things felt like they were going well, up until the husband announced that he would be deploying at the end of the year. There isn't really a good way to announce such a thing to your significant other, but them being pregnant and overly emotional makes the task much more difficult. So the delivery didn't matter, the reaction I had was over the top and beyond negative. But we made it through the year, baby girl being born and off to Tennessee we went.
I lived a little closer to God than I had been in El Paso, but I was dejected, depressed, stressed and lonely and I couldn't figure out how to cry out to God for help. I had an extremely negative influence that I had given a bit too much control in my life, I had my wonderful church family, and I had my Dad who bless his heart, was trying, who just didn't really know how to help.
To say I live the next year as an overly emotional train wreck would be an understatement. But all along I clung to this verse. And I made it back to El Paso with the kids and the hubby came home and all seemed to being going much better than before the deployment.
As the speaker noted thought there are two other very important verses that come after 29:11 and they are as follows.
Jeremiah 29:12 Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.
And this is what struck me, maybe I wasn't LISTENING to God, maybe I wasn't PRAYING hard enough, or basically enough.
So my new goal is to actually listen when I pray. I can do this and whatever happens at the end of this year will be according to God's will, and will be because I prayed with all my heart, believed while praying, and listened and Knew that God had it all under control.
The Lord's Prayer
Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be thy name,
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we forgive us our debts,
as we forgive our debtors,
and do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever
Amen.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
She explained that for all of her husbands career this was the verse she quoted every time plans changed or it was time to move. As she spoke I realized that I am very similar in that respect. The main reason being my son's health issues. My husband and I know that without the benefits we receive from the Army that our son's quality of life will be much less than it is now. All of the success we have had is because we had access to better insurance and doctors. I am also able to be a say at home mom. Should he leave the Army we would need both of us to work, which would put both kids in daycare and afterschool care, and it means high co-pays.
Since the moment my husband announced that he would like to join the Army I started praying, I began asking everyone for prayer. Next to my son being in the NICU, I'm not sure there was ever another time that I prayed so hard. And of course I read this verse over and over. I began to quote it at every set back. And then he prevailed, goal met and I knew for sure that it was all going according to God's plan. But we don't know what God's plan is for us until he begins to reveal to us what it is.
When I first began to doubt and wonder if we were really following God's will/plan was when hubby decided that he wanted to do Airborne. I was terrified of the place we would be going because all of the wives had very negative things to say. The people I talked to on the post were not overly nice. I began laying my doubt and fears onto my husband and before I know it, he has decided to drop out of Airborne and everything was changing again. I was praying hard, I was clinging to this verse, but I could never be sure again if we really were following God's will.
We ended up in El Paso and again things felt like they were going well, up until the husband announced that he would be deploying at the end of the year. There isn't really a good way to announce such a thing to your significant other, but them being pregnant and overly emotional makes the task much more difficult. So the delivery didn't matter, the reaction I had was over the top and beyond negative. But we made it through the year, baby girl being born and off to Tennessee we went.
I lived a little closer to God than I had been in El Paso, but I was dejected, depressed, stressed and lonely and I couldn't figure out how to cry out to God for help. I had an extremely negative influence that I had given a bit too much control in my life, I had my wonderful church family, and I had my Dad who bless his heart, was trying, who just didn't really know how to help.
To say I live the next year as an overly emotional train wreck would be an understatement. But all along I clung to this verse. And I made it back to El Paso with the kids and the hubby came home and all seemed to being going much better than before the deployment.
As the speaker noted thought there are two other very important verses that come after 29:11 and they are as follows.
Jeremiah 29:12 Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.
And this is what struck me, maybe I wasn't LISTENING to God, maybe I wasn't PRAYING hard enough, or basically enough.
So my new goal is to actually listen when I pray. I can do this and whatever happens at the end of this year will be according to God's will, and will be because I prayed with all my heart, believed while praying, and listened and Knew that God had it all under control.
The Lord's Prayer
Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be thy name,
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we forgive us our debts,
as we forgive our debtors,
and do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever
Amen.
Twenty Years Later
On May 19, 1995 I graduated high school. No major accomplishments marked my passage from high school into the adult world. I thought I knew it all as I walked off the football field and returned home.
I remember how I was expecting something big and outstanding to happen, some milestone moment, but there were none. My Mom had a small gathering of my closest friends. I remember how happy I was, how I knew that life was finally going to begin for me. My immediate plans included working at Hardees and living at home. My big Senior Trip would be to Florida with my then boyfriend and his family.
Being the large presence they were, they completely dominated that night. Instead of us graduates heading out to all of the parties alone, my then boyfriends mom, dad, brother, brothers girlfriend and tag a along dude they adopted all came along. It wasn't spectacular like I imagined. No one was serving alcohol, because, lets be honest, I didn't drink back then and more importantly I wasn't on the "cool kids" list of people to invite.
The summer after graduation found me moving into an apartment with my then boyfriend and beginning a job in the mall in Nashville at Kirkland's. I had a lot of potential and an even bigger chip on my shoulder. At Hardees I had been a shift manager, and at Kirkland's I was hired as a shift manager. I had the desire to move up, the need to please. But I didn't want to let go of the chain of my then boyfriend and his family. Because I gave in to their every whim for me to be absent, or leave early, I messed up a good opportunity.
At that moment in my life college was something that I had never seriously considered. I basically believed it was out of my reach. Other things like finally fitting in with a crowd, and being with my friends had taken over my priority list. So I graduated high school without a plan or much of a dream.
I was a very unhappy bitter young adult who had no clue how to handle new independence or be in a committed relationship. To be fair to myself, my then partner didn't have a clue either.
Had I really followed my dreams I would have joined the military. Ideally the Marine Corp. What changed the course of my ideal dream was the day the ASVAB was given out I had opted not to take it for fear of not fitting in and missing lunch with my friends. So I opted out. Popularity wasn't something that came readily to me. I was different, I liked to be different, but I also desired to belong, and that is something that I never really mastered back then.
I did my best at Kirkland's, I gave it as much of myself as I could. I made it to hourly assistant manager but could go no higher without a college education. Now this was something I wanted, but I didn't have the drive to accomplish. When my entire world fell apart, I left this job to be a waitress, but that didn't work out. I found myself over the next several years floating from one job to the next.
I also found myself newly single and ready to be free. I began drinking and smoking and getting a whole new list of useless priorities. This led me down the road to making poor decisions that brought me the best thing in my life up to that point, my oldest son.
Now here I am a newly single mother with absolutely no clue how to be a mother and no example on how to be a mother and no friends that were mothers. Now motherly instincts come naturally to some mothers, but they did not for me. I still had this overwhelming desire to fit in. I still wanted to be popular and well, I had this child that I had absolutely no idea what to do with. My own mother tried to help me, but she was so broken that she became more of an enabler than a help.
Somehow in the winter of 1999 I found myself as a substitute teacher and helping out at Workforce Essentials, which was an employment place. Basically my Dad supported my son and I besides the little bit of government assistance I received. I had no concept of how to spend wisely, how to prioritize want verses need, and in that respect my Dad became my enabler.
I have been blessed to have parents who didn't want to say no. That found ways to support my lifestyle and wants even when they were hurtful to me. Why would I say this? They had no idea how bad off I was, how unstable and angry and hurt and lonely I really was. They thought it was all a phase. But it was a lifestyle. I needed to be out there drinking with the best of them. I needed to prove that I was still the bad assed chick I had it in my head that I was. The sad part, I was dragging my child along behind me. I will never in a thousand years be able to make up to my oldest son all of the things that I put him through.
I remember the day I found out that I had financial assistance and been accepted to the local technology center. What should have been a joyous moment was overshadowed by how angry I knew my Dad would be. In order for me to go I had to go full time which meant work part time. It also meant that my Dad would continue to support me. I told him and I heard him tell me to pass on the opportunity. But I didn't. I thought for sure this was my break. That this would be the defining moment of my life where the tables would turn and all would be good.
I started strong despite the snowy day in January 2001. I put everything I had into it. I worked at McDonald's at night. I went to school all day. My mom watched my son, my dad helped me pay bills. I hardly saw my son. The bonus was that for a moment I wasn't drinking or smoking. I was doing the right thing. But I met two girls there and they became my friends. One of those girls introduced me to the bar scene. Up to that point I had been more of the back roads, house party drinking kind of girl. I loved the attention I received when she dragged me up to the dance floor. I was now addicted to the bar scene. To all the opportunities of true love that could be found there. I still talk to the other girl occasionally and she has been a super roll model. I am doing what I am doing now because she showed that it was possible.
For a time I was able to juggle partying on the weekends, work, and school. But it got too overwhelming and I couldn't manage my money and somehow when it was time to start the third and next to the last semester of my schooling I had no money for books. This even after receiving financial assistance. I made a decision to drop out. After all I would walk away with a certificate for "Customer Service/Receptionist" and that should be fine. August of 2001 found me working full time at McDonalds hating every minute of it. I was job hunting and learning fast that my certificate was just a piece of paper.
I caught a break when the health department hired me to be a home visitor and I was for sure that I had a career. But this turned out to be a responsible type of job and I was no where near that. It also required that I clean up my public appearance, which meant staying out of the bars, which I couldn't do. I needed to be a role model to young mothers. I needed to teach them about milestones and how to improve their living circumstances. I honestly do not know how I ever got that job. I was so far from all the things that I needed to be it was laughingly funny that I was in the position. What could have been a great job came as an opportunity when I wasn't mature enough to accept it and I ended up quitting.
I nearly joined the National Guard in the summer of 1999, but by the time I was seriously thinking about it I found out I was pregnant with my oldest. In the winter of 2003 I almost joined the Army Reserves. I just wasn't ready to step into the unknown and afraid to sign custody of my son over.
But here I am now. February 25, 2015 and I have begun online college classes. I am now a mother to three children and the wife of an amazingly supportive man. I have hemmed and hawed about doing this. After all I am doing my dream job, and that is being a stay at home mommy who cooks and cleans and attempts to keep everyone happy and all running smoothly. I was nervous as I logged in and looked at the syllabus. I was also elated that I was here. Finally able to work toward a goal that I can actually reach.
God has been amazing to me. He died on the cross for my sins. He loved me all through my mistakes, even after I turned my back on him in 1997. He waited for me to come back in 2007, and stayed with me as I struggled through 2008, and in 2009 he taught me how to walk on faith to walk without seeing to know that the power of prayer is the most amazing thing out there. I am here now because God loved me so much that he stayed with me in the darkest hours of my life to bring me to this point. To use me to share my life mistakes and help someone else who feels like they are stuck in the mire. I am by no means perfect or above sin or exactly where I need to be in my relationship with God. I am a work in progress.
The other thing that I am pleased with is having gone to that technology school. All these years later after finally convincing myself that the time there was a waste, I was rewarded. I was able to submit my transcripts from the tech center to this college and they reviewed them to see if any of my credits there could be transferred. 21 hours were! That made me feel somewhat better and made me see my goal as more attainable.
I am thankful for the military and the opportunity that as a spouse I can attend a school and receive some financial assistance. God is great and he puts us exactly where he needs us to be. If you are reading this and you are in a dark place, please don't be ashamed. Know that God loves you.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
I remember how I was expecting something big and outstanding to happen, some milestone moment, but there were none. My Mom had a small gathering of my closest friends. I remember how happy I was, how I knew that life was finally going to begin for me. My immediate plans included working at Hardees and living at home. My big Senior Trip would be to Florida with my then boyfriend and his family.
Being the large presence they were, they completely dominated that night. Instead of us graduates heading out to all of the parties alone, my then boyfriends mom, dad, brother, brothers girlfriend and tag a along dude they adopted all came along. It wasn't spectacular like I imagined. No one was serving alcohol, because, lets be honest, I didn't drink back then and more importantly I wasn't on the "cool kids" list of people to invite.
The summer after graduation found me moving into an apartment with my then boyfriend and beginning a job in the mall in Nashville at Kirkland's. I had a lot of potential and an even bigger chip on my shoulder. At Hardees I had been a shift manager, and at Kirkland's I was hired as a shift manager. I had the desire to move up, the need to please. But I didn't want to let go of the chain of my then boyfriend and his family. Because I gave in to their every whim for me to be absent, or leave early, I messed up a good opportunity.
At that moment in my life college was something that I had never seriously considered. I basically believed it was out of my reach. Other things like finally fitting in with a crowd, and being with my friends had taken over my priority list. So I graduated high school without a plan or much of a dream.
I was a very unhappy bitter young adult who had no clue how to handle new independence or be in a committed relationship. To be fair to myself, my then partner didn't have a clue either.
Had I really followed my dreams I would have joined the military. Ideally the Marine Corp. What changed the course of my ideal dream was the day the ASVAB was given out I had opted not to take it for fear of not fitting in and missing lunch with my friends. So I opted out. Popularity wasn't something that came readily to me. I was different, I liked to be different, but I also desired to belong, and that is something that I never really mastered back then.
I did my best at Kirkland's, I gave it as much of myself as I could. I made it to hourly assistant manager but could go no higher without a college education. Now this was something I wanted, but I didn't have the drive to accomplish. When my entire world fell apart, I left this job to be a waitress, but that didn't work out. I found myself over the next several years floating from one job to the next.
I also found myself newly single and ready to be free. I began drinking and smoking and getting a whole new list of useless priorities. This led me down the road to making poor decisions that brought me the best thing in my life up to that point, my oldest son.
Now here I am a newly single mother with absolutely no clue how to be a mother and no example on how to be a mother and no friends that were mothers. Now motherly instincts come naturally to some mothers, but they did not for me. I still had this overwhelming desire to fit in. I still wanted to be popular and well, I had this child that I had absolutely no idea what to do with. My own mother tried to help me, but she was so broken that she became more of an enabler than a help.
Somehow in the winter of 1999 I found myself as a substitute teacher and helping out at Workforce Essentials, which was an employment place. Basically my Dad supported my son and I besides the little bit of government assistance I received. I had no concept of how to spend wisely, how to prioritize want verses need, and in that respect my Dad became my enabler.
I have been blessed to have parents who didn't want to say no. That found ways to support my lifestyle and wants even when they were hurtful to me. Why would I say this? They had no idea how bad off I was, how unstable and angry and hurt and lonely I really was. They thought it was all a phase. But it was a lifestyle. I needed to be out there drinking with the best of them. I needed to prove that I was still the bad assed chick I had it in my head that I was. The sad part, I was dragging my child along behind me. I will never in a thousand years be able to make up to my oldest son all of the things that I put him through.
I remember the day I found out that I had financial assistance and been accepted to the local technology center. What should have been a joyous moment was overshadowed by how angry I knew my Dad would be. In order for me to go I had to go full time which meant work part time. It also meant that my Dad would continue to support me. I told him and I heard him tell me to pass on the opportunity. But I didn't. I thought for sure this was my break. That this would be the defining moment of my life where the tables would turn and all would be good.
I started strong despite the snowy day in January 2001. I put everything I had into it. I worked at McDonald's at night. I went to school all day. My mom watched my son, my dad helped me pay bills. I hardly saw my son. The bonus was that for a moment I wasn't drinking or smoking. I was doing the right thing. But I met two girls there and they became my friends. One of those girls introduced me to the bar scene. Up to that point I had been more of the back roads, house party drinking kind of girl. I loved the attention I received when she dragged me up to the dance floor. I was now addicted to the bar scene. To all the opportunities of true love that could be found there. I still talk to the other girl occasionally and she has been a super roll model. I am doing what I am doing now because she showed that it was possible.
For a time I was able to juggle partying on the weekends, work, and school. But it got too overwhelming and I couldn't manage my money and somehow when it was time to start the third and next to the last semester of my schooling I had no money for books. This even after receiving financial assistance. I made a decision to drop out. After all I would walk away with a certificate for "Customer Service/Receptionist" and that should be fine. August of 2001 found me working full time at McDonalds hating every minute of it. I was job hunting and learning fast that my certificate was just a piece of paper.
I caught a break when the health department hired me to be a home visitor and I was for sure that I had a career. But this turned out to be a responsible type of job and I was no where near that. It also required that I clean up my public appearance, which meant staying out of the bars, which I couldn't do. I needed to be a role model to young mothers. I needed to teach them about milestones and how to improve their living circumstances. I honestly do not know how I ever got that job. I was so far from all the things that I needed to be it was laughingly funny that I was in the position. What could have been a great job came as an opportunity when I wasn't mature enough to accept it and I ended up quitting.
I nearly joined the National Guard in the summer of 1999, but by the time I was seriously thinking about it I found out I was pregnant with my oldest. In the winter of 2003 I almost joined the Army Reserves. I just wasn't ready to step into the unknown and afraid to sign custody of my son over.
But here I am now. February 25, 2015 and I have begun online college classes. I am now a mother to three children and the wife of an amazingly supportive man. I have hemmed and hawed about doing this. After all I am doing my dream job, and that is being a stay at home mommy who cooks and cleans and attempts to keep everyone happy and all running smoothly. I was nervous as I logged in and looked at the syllabus. I was also elated that I was here. Finally able to work toward a goal that I can actually reach.
God has been amazing to me. He died on the cross for my sins. He loved me all through my mistakes, even after I turned my back on him in 1997. He waited for me to come back in 2007, and stayed with me as I struggled through 2008, and in 2009 he taught me how to walk on faith to walk without seeing to know that the power of prayer is the most amazing thing out there. I am here now because God loved me so much that he stayed with me in the darkest hours of my life to bring me to this point. To use me to share my life mistakes and help someone else who feels like they are stuck in the mire. I am by no means perfect or above sin or exactly where I need to be in my relationship with God. I am a work in progress.
The other thing that I am pleased with is having gone to that technology school. All these years later after finally convincing myself that the time there was a waste, I was rewarded. I was able to submit my transcripts from the tech center to this college and they reviewed them to see if any of my credits there could be transferred. 21 hours were! That made me feel somewhat better and made me see my goal as more attainable.
I am thankful for the military and the opportunity that as a spouse I can attend a school and receive some financial assistance. God is great and he puts us exactly where he needs us to be. If you are reading this and you are in a dark place, please don't be ashamed. Know that God loves you.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
The Root Canal
Today I went to the Endodontics's to have my root canal finished. I went thinking it would go without a hitch, just like the first part of it did. Well, for the most part it did, but I am here to tell you it was painful!
Because they recommended taking Ibuprofen 800 milligrams and the dentist was more than 20 miles from my house I decided to have my wonderful husband drive me over there. It is a really nice drive if you are the passenger. You drive on I-10 West around the Franklin Mountains. You can see just how big El Paso is, and you can even see into Ciudad Juarez in Mexico.
Now being the big control freak that I am, I have it all mapped out how I want it to go. Daughter's diaper bag is packed and ready to go the night before. I explain to the husband that at exactly 8:55 a.m. I want everyone in the car so we can drop our daughter off at the sitter and then head out. Does it go according to plan? Almost.
We did make it into the car at the correct time, but then the hubby decides that he needs his computer so he can do work stuff while waiting on me. He also almost pulls out of the driveway to go the wrong way. He first thought that he would be watching our daughter while I was in my appointment and that it wasn't all the way on the West Side of El Paso. So once we got this all figured out, it was almost 9:05, lucky for us the sitter is pretty much around the block from us. I get her inside where she does the whole "You can't leave me, I hate it here" screaming deal, which I am sure was for my husband's benefit as she never cries when I drop her off by myself. Then as we leave the neighborhood hubby decides that he should put air in the tire. So by the time we get all of this taken care of we are heading toward I-10 at 9:20 a.m.
I am almost in a panic, but I have also been using my "Mommy's Time Out" oil, so I know I will be okay. The receptionist has told me over and over that I must arrive 15 minutes prior to my appointment. But the traffic wasn't heavy and it was easy to find. That is a rarity for us because we usually get all turned around when we head over to the West Side.
Our conversation was a tiny bit what we would pay verses what the insurance would pay. We also discussed the pros and cons of Dollywood Verses Disney World. This coming from the recent price increase at the Disney Parks. I explained that I felt like when you compared the prices of a Disney Check to car payments or paychecks it made it seem like a terrible investment. I have also been to Disney as a pre-kid adult and wasn't too impressed. It was so commercialized and just not something that I would want to take my kids to. I remember it being hot and long lines. Now Dollywood I have also been to and I remember it with fond memories.
I went to Dollywood with my Grandparents on my Dad's side. They took my sister and I the summer that I turned 12. It was the last summer with spent with my Grandmother as she died the following spring. I remember my grandparents riding just about every ride with us and the shows. I also remember the second day that we were there we were cold after the water rides. I loved the Dolly Parton museum, even as a 12 year old. So I explained to hubby that yes Dollywood would be a place I would like to take my kids.
We arrived at my appointment and I feel the anxiety and yes, I have my "Mommy's Time Out" and hubby is laughing as I roll it onto my neck and arms. It really does work though. Paperwork filled out and then they call me back. The X-Ray was very uncomfortable and hard to keep in place and I drooled all over the place. Embarrassing and Gross!
The Dentist comes in and he is a very nice guy. We talk Ruidoso NM and Tennessee and then he gets started. I always hate the numbing shots they give you in the beginning, and I am fairly certain I started off with close to five, I lost count. So I worked through that pain and then the procedure started. My right eye had this weird twitch where it wanted to close and the left of my face was nearly paralyzed. At first I just feel pressure, nothing too bad and I keep my eyes closed so that I won't see the scary instruments.
I focus on calm thoughts. Thoughts of flying to Michigan to see my Mom and other relatives next summer. I picture the suitcase that will be large enough to hold all of our clothes and each of the kids with a little backpack, and I with my ACU bag. And then I start thinking of all the baking I will want to do there and how I will need another smaller suitcase so I can take my bread loaf pans and drying racks and two cookbooks and then PAIN! The dentist stops and says that it is odd that he could do one canal but I would still feel pain when he starts the second. Even more odd since I had all the classic signs of being numb.
None of this is any consolation and I'm already uncomfortable due to all the contraptions holding open my mouth in an uncomfortable position. So at least another four more shots and the pain was gone. It was harder for me to drift off far away the second time. I could only feel the silly things holding open my mouth and when I would open my eyes I would see needles or pins, not sure what they were, but they didn't look friendly.
Finally the entire thing was over and true to their word the entire process took two hours. The Dentist was kind enough to explain everything to me. He also explained that he would be giving me a cell number to reach him if I needed to. I was thankful for all the kindness displayed there.
I came out to the lobby with the left side of my face immobile and the right side of my face attempting to work properly. My husband loved that my left eye remained open even while my right eye was doing this weird half wink twitch. He told me that it was freaking me out in a funny way. I love this man, he always makes me laugh even when I can't feel half of my face. It was difficult for me to see out of my left eye for awhile also. It was open, but blurry. I am really glad that he went with me. Driving on I-10 makes me nervous on a normal day, I was imaging how much more nervous I would have been after that procedure.
Even after coming home I attempted to eat yogurt and that went okay, but it still took several hours before I could even drink from a straw. My daughter never took a nap, so I took ten minute naps where I would fall asleep but wake up to something being stuck in my face.
Now I am awake and waiting on the hubby to get home. He said I don't have to cook tonight so it is going to be either Subway or Taco Bell.
Both kids are home and my face feels more normal, but I can feel the pain trying to come back in my mouth and you better bet that when hubby is home to supervise the kiddos I will take a pain pill.
Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
Because they recommended taking Ibuprofen 800 milligrams and the dentist was more than 20 miles from my house I decided to have my wonderful husband drive me over there. It is a really nice drive if you are the passenger. You drive on I-10 West around the Franklin Mountains. You can see just how big El Paso is, and you can even see into Ciudad Juarez in Mexico.
Now being the big control freak that I am, I have it all mapped out how I want it to go. Daughter's diaper bag is packed and ready to go the night before. I explain to the husband that at exactly 8:55 a.m. I want everyone in the car so we can drop our daughter off at the sitter and then head out. Does it go according to plan? Almost.
We did make it into the car at the correct time, but then the hubby decides that he needs his computer so he can do work stuff while waiting on me. He also almost pulls out of the driveway to go the wrong way. He first thought that he would be watching our daughter while I was in my appointment and that it wasn't all the way on the West Side of El Paso. So once we got this all figured out, it was almost 9:05, lucky for us the sitter is pretty much around the block from us. I get her inside where she does the whole "You can't leave me, I hate it here" screaming deal, which I am sure was for my husband's benefit as she never cries when I drop her off by myself. Then as we leave the neighborhood hubby decides that he should put air in the tire. So by the time we get all of this taken care of we are heading toward I-10 at 9:20 a.m.
I am almost in a panic, but I have also been using my "Mommy's Time Out" oil, so I know I will be okay. The receptionist has told me over and over that I must arrive 15 minutes prior to my appointment. But the traffic wasn't heavy and it was easy to find. That is a rarity for us because we usually get all turned around when we head over to the West Side.
Our conversation was a tiny bit what we would pay verses what the insurance would pay. We also discussed the pros and cons of Dollywood Verses Disney World. This coming from the recent price increase at the Disney Parks. I explained that I felt like when you compared the prices of a Disney Check to car payments or paychecks it made it seem like a terrible investment. I have also been to Disney as a pre-kid adult and wasn't too impressed. It was so commercialized and just not something that I would want to take my kids to. I remember it being hot and long lines. Now Dollywood I have also been to and I remember it with fond memories.
I went to Dollywood with my Grandparents on my Dad's side. They took my sister and I the summer that I turned 12. It was the last summer with spent with my Grandmother as she died the following spring. I remember my grandparents riding just about every ride with us and the shows. I also remember the second day that we were there we were cold after the water rides. I loved the Dolly Parton museum, even as a 12 year old. So I explained to hubby that yes Dollywood would be a place I would like to take my kids.
We arrived at my appointment and I feel the anxiety and yes, I have my "Mommy's Time Out" and hubby is laughing as I roll it onto my neck and arms. It really does work though. Paperwork filled out and then they call me back. The X-Ray was very uncomfortable and hard to keep in place and I drooled all over the place. Embarrassing and Gross!
The Dentist comes in and he is a very nice guy. We talk Ruidoso NM and Tennessee and then he gets started. I always hate the numbing shots they give you in the beginning, and I am fairly certain I started off with close to five, I lost count. So I worked through that pain and then the procedure started. My right eye had this weird twitch where it wanted to close and the left of my face was nearly paralyzed. At first I just feel pressure, nothing too bad and I keep my eyes closed so that I won't see the scary instruments.
I focus on calm thoughts. Thoughts of flying to Michigan to see my Mom and other relatives next summer. I picture the suitcase that will be large enough to hold all of our clothes and each of the kids with a little backpack, and I with my ACU bag. And then I start thinking of all the baking I will want to do there and how I will need another smaller suitcase so I can take my bread loaf pans and drying racks and two cookbooks and then PAIN! The dentist stops and says that it is odd that he could do one canal but I would still feel pain when he starts the second. Even more odd since I had all the classic signs of being numb.
None of this is any consolation and I'm already uncomfortable due to all the contraptions holding open my mouth in an uncomfortable position. So at least another four more shots and the pain was gone. It was harder for me to drift off far away the second time. I could only feel the silly things holding open my mouth and when I would open my eyes I would see needles or pins, not sure what they were, but they didn't look friendly.
Finally the entire thing was over and true to their word the entire process took two hours. The Dentist was kind enough to explain everything to me. He also explained that he would be giving me a cell number to reach him if I needed to. I was thankful for all the kindness displayed there.
I came out to the lobby with the left side of my face immobile and the right side of my face attempting to work properly. My husband loved that my left eye remained open even while my right eye was doing this weird half wink twitch. He told me that it was freaking me out in a funny way. I love this man, he always makes me laugh even when I can't feel half of my face. It was difficult for me to see out of my left eye for awhile also. It was open, but blurry. I am really glad that he went with me. Driving on I-10 makes me nervous on a normal day, I was imaging how much more nervous I would have been after that procedure.
Even after coming home I attempted to eat yogurt and that went okay, but it still took several hours before I could even drink from a straw. My daughter never took a nap, so I took ten minute naps where I would fall asleep but wake up to something being stuck in my face.
Now I am awake and waiting on the hubby to get home. He said I don't have to cook tonight so it is going to be either Subway or Taco Bell.
Both kids are home and my face feels more normal, but I can feel the pain trying to come back in my mouth and you better bet that when hubby is home to supervise the kiddos I will take a pain pill.
Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
Monday, February 23, 2015
Good Morning with Love
Today was an unrushed morning for me. I knew hubby would be running a minimum of three miles today, so I decided to make him something a little special.
I started by chopping up tomato, onion, red bell pepper, half of a jalapeno pepper. I then added some olive oil to a skillet and let it warm up. Once warmed up, I added the vegetables and let them get soft. Once soft, I added three eggs. This is a loose version of Juevos Mexicanos.
I also made some bacon, but it was a little crunchy today, and some sausage. In a separate skillet I scrambled eggs for my daughter and I.
To top it all off, I made tortillas from scratch. Now that I have figured out how to make the mix, I actually prefer to serve these. It not only saves us at the grocery store, but they taste a lot better than the ones from the store.
The point was for me to show the husband some extra TLC, and to let him know that I understood how hard it is for him to get up early go run several miles, and then go to work. I try to cook something every morning for my husband. On the mornings that I can't, I feel like I am letting him down even though I know he is perfectly capable of cooking his own breakfast.
Because we cook breakfast so often, our kids don't like cereal or pop tarts much. My daughter thinks that pop tarts are cookies, and well, they really are.
Give your family a good start to their day if you can, and cook them a yummy breakfast. They will appreciate it.
I remember growing up with my mom, and how she rarely cooked breakfast. If she felt like it on the weekends she would make a blueberry muffin mix. It was one of those packaged ones where you just add water and it only made six. Or she might make biscuits from a can with sausage links, rarely sausage patties. Not much bacon was ever made in our house. Weekdays my sister and I were on our own. It was pop tarts or cereal. I don't think she ever didn't cook breakfast out of laziness. I think it was more that she didn't know how important it was or how much of a bond it could instill with us. She grew up with a minimum of love and didn't know how to extend the love to us.
My dream is to one day cook for her the way that I cook for my kids. To make her fresh breads and muffins and biscuits from scratch and eggs and bacon and sausage. I want to show her how food is a wonderfully simple way of expressing your love and gratitude for someone one. That a good breakfast prepared and served with family and friends is the very best start for any day. Sadly my Mom isn't well enough to appreciate this. She lives in a bubble where somewhere along the way she has convinced herself that my sister who rarely calls is the best daughter and I who calls all the time is conniving and a trouble make and not to be trusted.
It is my biggest prayer that my Mom can learn to forgive those who hurt her in the past, and to want to start over with my sister and I. I know that through God this is possible, I just need to keep praying for her, for our relationship, and for my Aunts who will be opening their homes to her soon.
Isaiah 64:8 But now, O Lord, You are our father; We are the clay, and You our potter; and all wea re the work of your hand.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Trial Run: Tuesday
Tonight I almost cried, it was the first time since my husband walked out our front door to begin his adventure that I wanted to cry. I could feel the tears welling up, but they didn't spill over. Tonight the kids ruled the house. I was at a place where I couldn't get the situation under control. I can't believe that I let myself get to the point that I lost my focus, that I began to let the reins of control slip from my grasp, but I did.
It started as a beautiful day where I woke up thirty minutes before my alarm. It started well with everyone playing their roll just the way they should. I decided yesterday that I should go to a neighborhood Doterra oils class, and I am very glad that I did. I learned a lot. The sad part is that those wonderful smelling helpful oils add up in price quickly. I treated myself to three trial blends that the Consultant had. One is Mommy's time out for when I feel overwhelmed or anxious, and two are for my sweet daughter. One is Taming the Hulk for temper tantrums and the other is Capturing the squirrel for attention. They all worked well! Now I want to buy more. I also loved the distiller that she had running with a calming oil. Well we shall have to see what the hubby says when he gets home.
Then my daughter and I came home and I worked on my blog most of the afternoon. I feel like it is where I need it to be, now just to keep it there. I also managed to take a little nap before time to head out to pick up my son. Traffic was horrible, but the bonus was my daughter took a nap in the van, so I didn't have to get her out of the van. We just sat in the van for an hour and a half. I was actually able to read my book.
Salmon patties, corn, and mac n cheese for supper. My daughter didn't really eat, but my son did. And that's where the breaking point began. When we came home the kids went outside with the dog and he wouldn't potty outside, so he went potty upstairs on my clean carpet! I was so frustrated and disappointed. While the kids splashed in the tub I scrubbed that carpet and got it looking pretty good. And downstairs we came, but I couldn't get back into my groove, I couldn't seem to get my floors mopped.
I called my Dad to talk about Brian Williams and his six month suspension from NBC. So sad to hear that he lied! I always had great respect for him as a news anchor. So we talked about that and we talked about my daughter who was so hyper, I ended up putting more oils on her to tame her some, and it worked. We talked about my root canal tomorrow. About my meal plan for tomorrow. I started to unravel. I used my oil and some of the thread fell back into place. But then my friend A who no longer lives in El Paso, but moved home, called. So good to hear from her and the adventures her and the kids are having back East in the snow. I mentioned to her my plight as I was coming to view the upcoming root canal. She said that I should get to know my neighbors, and I explained that you have to see neighbors first.
Here in this huge neighborhood everyone keeps to themselves. The kids may be outside, but odds are the parents are not. If you wave at people as you pass by they don't wave back. If you speak to them at the playground they keep their answers short. I have only met one really nice Mom at the playground. So after talking to her I proceeded to sweep and try to mop again. But now the panic and hopelessness had set in. The Consultant from earlier in the day, who is also another really cool mom that I sometimes talk to stopped by with some tomatoes. I had posted on my FB page that I didn't have any and I needed them for tomorrow. She knew what my plans were for tomorrow, so she brought me two. That was very sweet. We talked oils.
I spoke to my husband briefly this morning, it made me miss him more, it made me sad because I forgot to tell him about the zoo membership. I just really didn't know what to say to him and I think he had just woken up and was calling to touch base. So after baths the kids began squabbling and when I got on to them my son begins crying and telling me he doesn't like me. He likes Poppy and Poppy isn't here and he misses him and he wants to talk to him. So in all my bad Spanish I call my In-Laws home number and the hubby isn't there, but I had a small chat with my father-in-law. I next try the cell phone number and get my mother-in-law but my husband isn't there either. He is at an Aunts house that I don't have the number to. So my son is crying for poppy and I am lost. I can't make myself mop, I can't make the kids hear my voice tell them to go to bed. Instead I call my Dad again.
My Dad is like a rock. I would be lost without him. I call and give him my entire 100 page list of complaints and worries and ailments and fear of a root canal. He patiently talks me through it. The gist of it is that while my husband is visiting his grandfather and helping out his parents with his care, he is still sort of on a vacation. He was on gate detail most of January and into the beginning of February. He had just come off the detail when he left. When he comes home it will be a long year of on again and off again separation due to Army stuff and it is all making me an emotional train wreck. Somehow the older I get, or maybe it's the older the kids get, the more emotional I get. I did get to speak to my oldest son for a very brief few minutes.
So as the tears threatened to fall, I called the Family Readiness leader. I explained to her my situation, my fears and she offered to lend me some support with my kids. And she assured me it will all be okay. She is even going to meet me at the dentist just in case I can't drive home. I am so grateful for the Army family. If you allow them to help you, there is a wealth of support. I know my husband may frown on me just a tiny bit for reaching out, but I need the back up. I need to know I am not alone. And even though my Dad was kind enough to point out that I am nearly at the halfway point until my husband gets home, the five days since he left have felt more like a year.
My son gave me a huge hug and then he ran off to bed. I know God will get me through this. I know that my husband will be home soon and we will fall back into our routine and I won't feel so much like I am walking on the edge of the cliff, I just have to get through the rest of the week.
The stranger that dwells with you.... love him as yourself.
Leviticus 19:34
It started as a beautiful day where I woke up thirty minutes before my alarm. It started well with everyone playing their roll just the way they should. I decided yesterday that I should go to a neighborhood Doterra oils class, and I am very glad that I did. I learned a lot. The sad part is that those wonderful smelling helpful oils add up in price quickly. I treated myself to three trial blends that the Consultant had. One is Mommy's time out for when I feel overwhelmed or anxious, and two are for my sweet daughter. One is Taming the Hulk for temper tantrums and the other is Capturing the squirrel for attention. They all worked well! Now I want to buy more. I also loved the distiller that she had running with a calming oil. Well we shall have to see what the hubby says when he gets home.
Then my daughter and I came home and I worked on my blog most of the afternoon. I feel like it is where I need it to be, now just to keep it there. I also managed to take a little nap before time to head out to pick up my son. Traffic was horrible, but the bonus was my daughter took a nap in the van, so I didn't have to get her out of the van. We just sat in the van for an hour and a half. I was actually able to read my book.
Salmon patties, corn, and mac n cheese for supper. My daughter didn't really eat, but my son did. And that's where the breaking point began. When we came home the kids went outside with the dog and he wouldn't potty outside, so he went potty upstairs on my clean carpet! I was so frustrated and disappointed. While the kids splashed in the tub I scrubbed that carpet and got it looking pretty good. And downstairs we came, but I couldn't get back into my groove, I couldn't seem to get my floors mopped.
I called my Dad to talk about Brian Williams and his six month suspension from NBC. So sad to hear that he lied! I always had great respect for him as a news anchor. So we talked about that and we talked about my daughter who was so hyper, I ended up putting more oils on her to tame her some, and it worked. We talked about my root canal tomorrow. About my meal plan for tomorrow. I started to unravel. I used my oil and some of the thread fell back into place. But then my friend A who no longer lives in El Paso, but moved home, called. So good to hear from her and the adventures her and the kids are having back East in the snow. I mentioned to her my plight as I was coming to view the upcoming root canal. She said that I should get to know my neighbors, and I explained that you have to see neighbors first.
Here in this huge neighborhood everyone keeps to themselves. The kids may be outside, but odds are the parents are not. If you wave at people as you pass by they don't wave back. If you speak to them at the playground they keep their answers short. I have only met one really nice Mom at the playground. So after talking to her I proceeded to sweep and try to mop again. But now the panic and hopelessness had set in. The Consultant from earlier in the day, who is also another really cool mom that I sometimes talk to stopped by with some tomatoes. I had posted on my FB page that I didn't have any and I needed them for tomorrow. She knew what my plans were for tomorrow, so she brought me two. That was very sweet. We talked oils.
I spoke to my husband briefly this morning, it made me miss him more, it made me sad because I forgot to tell him about the zoo membership. I just really didn't know what to say to him and I think he had just woken up and was calling to touch base. So after baths the kids began squabbling and when I got on to them my son begins crying and telling me he doesn't like me. He likes Poppy and Poppy isn't here and he misses him and he wants to talk to him. So in all my bad Spanish I call my In-Laws home number and the hubby isn't there, but I had a small chat with my father-in-law. I next try the cell phone number and get my mother-in-law but my husband isn't there either. He is at an Aunts house that I don't have the number to. So my son is crying for poppy and I am lost. I can't make myself mop, I can't make the kids hear my voice tell them to go to bed. Instead I call my Dad again.
My Dad is like a rock. I would be lost without him. I call and give him my entire 100 page list of complaints and worries and ailments and fear of a root canal. He patiently talks me through it. The gist of it is that while my husband is visiting his grandfather and helping out his parents with his care, he is still sort of on a vacation. He was on gate detail most of January and into the beginning of February. He had just come off the detail when he left. When he comes home it will be a long year of on again and off again separation due to Army stuff and it is all making me an emotional train wreck. Somehow the older I get, or maybe it's the older the kids get, the more emotional I get. I did get to speak to my oldest son for a very brief few minutes.
So as the tears threatened to fall, I called the Family Readiness leader. I explained to her my situation, my fears and she offered to lend me some support with my kids. And she assured me it will all be okay. She is even going to meet me at the dentist just in case I can't drive home. I am so grateful for the Army family. If you allow them to help you, there is a wealth of support. I know my husband may frown on me just a tiny bit for reaching out, but I need the back up. I need to know I am not alone. And even though my Dad was kind enough to point out that I am nearly at the halfway point until my husband gets home, the five days since he left have felt more like a year.
My son gave me a huge hug and then he ran off to bed. I know God will get me through this. I know that my husband will be home soon and we will fall back into our routine and I won't feel so much like I am walking on the edge of the cliff, I just have to get through the rest of the week.
The stranger that dwells with you.... love him as yourself.
Leviticus 19:34
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Background Noise
Our house is always filled with sounds. I am sure even in the middle of the night there are sounds. We are a small family of four and one tiny dog that rarely makes a sound, but it still seems as if there is rarely complete silence in the house.
Morning comes and the sound of little feet and laughter come thumping into the master bedrooms. Shortly after the first set of feet, the second will come silently as possible into the room. Laugher will soon follow. Then the sounds of a shower. Sundays will have the sound of an electric razor. Every day there is the sound of sizzling bacon, frying eggs, a coffee pot. Weeks days it will be the Today show followed by cartoons. The bus blowing the horn. Trash days bring the echoing sound of garbage trucks thundering down the road picking up and dropping trash cans.
By afternoon the television has become background noise as toddle laughter echoes through the house. Maybe a lunch time conversation between the husband and I. Always in the background the FB notifications from my phone, maybe a text message, sometimes a phone call. Afternoons outside yield little more noise than traffic or the housing team cleaning carpets and cleaning empty units.
Weekends are noisier. With two children laughing, crashing through the house, the scratching sound of puppy feet fleeing from the children. Conversation, television whether it be from a soccer game, cartoons, or a movie.
By the evening food is cooking again. Pans clatter, plates lightly thud as placed on the table. Even more laughter. The sound of a washer or dryer, feet going up or down the stairs, the dishwasher. Kid bath time, which entails running and splashing water, and laughter. There is the sound of my son playing his tablet. My husband chatting with his mom in Mexico. Outside it is lite traffic, kids playing, women talking, delivery trucks thundering down the road.
My life is full of sound, without sound I would be lost. The sound conveys to me a sense of normalcy, of happiness, of plenty to eat and a house to live in with a car in the driveway.
Psalm 21:1 The King shall have joy in Your strength, O Lord; And in Your salvation how greatly shall he rejoice!
Morning comes and the sound of little feet and laughter come thumping into the master bedrooms. Shortly after the first set of feet, the second will come silently as possible into the room. Laugher will soon follow. Then the sounds of a shower. Sundays will have the sound of an electric razor. Every day there is the sound of sizzling bacon, frying eggs, a coffee pot. Weeks days it will be the Today show followed by cartoons. The bus blowing the horn. Trash days bring the echoing sound of garbage trucks thundering down the road picking up and dropping trash cans.
By afternoon the television has become background noise as toddle laughter echoes through the house. Maybe a lunch time conversation between the husband and I. Always in the background the FB notifications from my phone, maybe a text message, sometimes a phone call. Afternoons outside yield little more noise than traffic or the housing team cleaning carpets and cleaning empty units.
Weekends are noisier. With two children laughing, crashing through the house, the scratching sound of puppy feet fleeing from the children. Conversation, television whether it be from a soccer game, cartoons, or a movie.
By the evening food is cooking again. Pans clatter, plates lightly thud as placed on the table. Even more laughter. The sound of a washer or dryer, feet going up or down the stairs, the dishwasher. Kid bath time, which entails running and splashing water, and laughter. There is the sound of my son playing his tablet. My husband chatting with his mom in Mexico. Outside it is lite traffic, kids playing, women talking, delivery trucks thundering down the road.
My life is full of sound, without sound I would be lost. The sound conveys to me a sense of normalcy, of happiness, of plenty to eat and a house to live in with a car in the driveway.
Psalm 21:1 The King shall have joy in Your strength, O Lord; And in Your salvation how greatly shall he rejoice!
Friday, February 13, 2015
Trial Run: Friday
Tonight is the night! In one hour the kids and I will loading up and heading to the airport to pick up my husband. We are all very excited. Today seemed like it took forever to pass. Up at 6:30 to get my son up, ready for school, and on the bus. Then my daughter and I chilled out for an hour before running to Walmart to pick up a few things. Then we came home.
I cleaned the house one last time before the husband gets home. Then I took it easy for the rest of the afternoon. I managed to take and hour long nap. I have decided that our little Javier is really into being next to me. He did his best to stay as close to me on the couch as he could. It was supposed to be cold all day, but this afternoon turned out to be warm.
The kids and I ate hot dogs and French fries and then we went to make Valentines Day Crafts. Then back home for showers and to sweep and mop. Now we are just counting down the minutes until we can go pick up Poppy.
We hung up all the crafts so Poppy will see them as soon as he gets home. Both kids are barely hanging in there, I think they would go to bed if we didn't have to leave. Of course the hubby has to come in on the latest flight possible.
I made a little pallet of blankets in our bedroom for the kids. I think since it has been so long since they saw Poppy, and he is coming home around bed time, that they can sleep in our room just this one night. Now my daughter is trying to do back flips off the couch. Yay!
Today has been a bad one for tooth pain. I am trying to stick to the Tylenol that is only 200 milligrams, but it really isn't cutting it. When my husband is here I am going to take Tylenol 3, because he can get up with the kids and I can actually rest.
This time away has been long, but I think it was good for me. It gave me a chance to work on my time management skills. I was able to focus on my blog. I even kept the house cleaner. I will be glad to have my partner back. He makes life a lot more fun. I freak out too easily if things start deviating from the plan.
Thanking God for providing him the opportunity to go home, to see his Aunts, Uncles, Brothers, Sisters, Grandparents and city of birth.
He called me from Houston and said that Customs took two hours to get through. He said that they were asking him a lot of dumb questions about where he had been and why and how long. When he showed them his military I.D. they changed their tune. It is sad because he is now a citizen of the United States, and a soldier, yet he is questioned and profiled a lot. Guess that is part of life though.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and have himself for her.
I cleaned the house one last time before the husband gets home. Then I took it easy for the rest of the afternoon. I managed to take and hour long nap. I have decided that our little Javier is really into being next to me. He did his best to stay as close to me on the couch as he could. It was supposed to be cold all day, but this afternoon turned out to be warm.
The kids and I ate hot dogs and French fries and then we went to make Valentines Day Crafts. Then back home for showers and to sweep and mop. Now we are just counting down the minutes until we can go pick up Poppy.
We hung up all the crafts so Poppy will see them as soon as he gets home. Both kids are barely hanging in there, I think they would go to bed if we didn't have to leave. Of course the hubby has to come in on the latest flight possible.
I made a little pallet of blankets in our bedroom for the kids. I think since it has been so long since they saw Poppy, and he is coming home around bed time, that they can sleep in our room just this one night. Now my daughter is trying to do back flips off the couch. Yay!
Today has been a bad one for tooth pain. I am trying to stick to the Tylenol that is only 200 milligrams, but it really isn't cutting it. When my husband is here I am going to take Tylenol 3, because he can get up with the kids and I can actually rest.
This time away has been long, but I think it was good for me. It gave me a chance to work on my time management skills. I was able to focus on my blog. I even kept the house cleaner. I will be glad to have my partner back. He makes life a lot more fun. I freak out too easily if things start deviating from the plan.
Thanking God for providing him the opportunity to go home, to see his Aunts, Uncles, Brothers, Sisters, Grandparents and city of birth.
He called me from Houston and said that Customs took two hours to get through. He said that they were asking him a lot of dumb questions about where he had been and why and how long. When he showed them his military I.D. they changed their tune. It is sad because he is now a citizen of the United States, and a soldier, yet he is questioned and profiled a lot. Guess that is part of life though.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and have himself for her.
Valentines Day Crafts
When I came across the EFMP invite for families enrolled in the Exceptional Family Member Program, for Valentines Day Crafts, I thought this would be something for us. My daughter has trouble sitting still for activities and switching between activities, so I was excited for the adventure.
Now before I left the house I covered myself in "Mommy's Time Out" Doterra Essential Oils blend, and also put "Tame the Squirrels" on my daughter. It was necessary to reapply once getting to the event. They kids really loved it. The staff was patient, knowledgeable, and kind. They had several different crafts for the kids to do, and they were all kid friendly.
Now before I left the house I covered myself in "Mommy's Time Out" Doterra Essential Oils blend, and also put "Tame the Squirrels" on my daughter. It was necessary to reapply once getting to the event. They kids really loved it. The staff was patient, knowledgeable, and kind. They had several different crafts for the kids to do, and they were all kid friendly.
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| butterfly love bugs made w/handprints, top is my daughter bottom is my son |
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Picture frames, my son's at the top, my daughter's at the bottom    Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise: that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. |
What kind of Vine are you?
The True Vine
John 15-11
1.) I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser, 2) Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away, and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3) You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. 4) Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. 5) I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. 6) If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. 7) If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. 8) By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples. 9) As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love, 10) If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. 11) These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.
This was from the PWOC lesson on Thursday. It really stuck with me. We were asked what we visualized or thought of after reading this passage. All of the women gave some very good input. One was that we are a tree and God's love is a vine wrapped around the tree. I really liked that one.
When I read this I think of parenting. I think of how important it is to start our children early in the Word. That we as parents must lead by example. We must show them how to love the way that God Loves Us. We must nurture them and lead them. In the world today parents give children lots of luxuries without limitations. For instance tablets; we have one for our son. But there is a two hour limit on it, and only after he does good at school, eats dinner and gets a bath. Very often it is under two hours that he uses it. Because we encourage him to play with his toys or outside, he very often will choose not to even play the game. We also monitor what they watch on television. We Don't watch anything that we wouldn't want them to watch. Now my husband likes those raunchy movies and the slasher flicks, but usually watches them when the rest of us are no where around. That is his decision and between him and God. I cannot make him not watch them. It goes according to his convictions and what God is working with him on.
As a mother I try to be submissive and consult my husband in all decisions right down to making out the grocery list. We try to have open lines of communication, but there are sometimes that it doesn't work out that way. We don't argue in front of the kids. We are fair with each other and with the children. I try to be patient with the children, though I will admit this can be challenging. I stay home with them, so I run the house. My husband helps where he can, but overall the home front is my stage. I clean and cook and do the laundry. I try to teach the kids to be nice to each other, to use manners. It is hard sometimes when you are at a playground and other children aren't being nice, or using manners. Your kids see this and often asks why it is okay for the other kids to be that way and not for them. It is frustrating when you have older kids who ask for cell phones and newer and better electronics. We just don't feel like paying over $500 dollars on something that they don't really need it beneficial. We would rather use that money on a family vacation.
Neither my husband and I grew up with all the gadgets. The first VCR brought into my house was my senior year in high school. We had to game systems. I learned at an early age to appreciate being outside, reading books, and using my imagination. We had rotary telephones with the spiral cord. We didn't have remote control televisions, the cable box was manual. My husband went to work at an early age.
Because of this we both learned early that hard work gets you the rewards you want. That your manners and work ethic will go a lot further than the amount of material things you have. And it is our hope that our children will grow into God fearing individuals who will be leaders in the community and the church.
I struggle with the amount of time put into actually reading my Bible. I struggle finding the balance between what needs to be done, reading a book I want to read,and reading my Bible. I am praying hard for guidance from God on how to be a better, wife, mother, sister, and daughter. On how better to be involved in church. PWOC is a great fit for me. It is bringing me to the edge of my box and encouraging me to step out of it.
The part of this passage that scares me is where it states that a vine that doesn't bear fruit withers and is cast out and burned. To me that signifies Hell, a place I don't want to be and I don't want my family there either.
John 15:12 This is my commandment, that you love one another as much as I have loved you.
John 15-11
1.) I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser, 2) Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away, and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3) You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. 4) Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. 5) I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. 6) If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. 7) If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. 8) By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples. 9) As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love, 10) If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. 11) These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.
This was from the PWOC lesson on Thursday. It really stuck with me. We were asked what we visualized or thought of after reading this passage. All of the women gave some very good input. One was that we are a tree and God's love is a vine wrapped around the tree. I really liked that one.
When I read this I think of parenting. I think of how important it is to start our children early in the Word. That we as parents must lead by example. We must show them how to love the way that God Loves Us. We must nurture them and lead them. In the world today parents give children lots of luxuries without limitations. For instance tablets; we have one for our son. But there is a two hour limit on it, and only after he does good at school, eats dinner and gets a bath. Very often it is under two hours that he uses it. Because we encourage him to play with his toys or outside, he very often will choose not to even play the game. We also monitor what they watch on television. We Don't watch anything that we wouldn't want them to watch. Now my husband likes those raunchy movies and the slasher flicks, but usually watches them when the rest of us are no where around. That is his decision and between him and God. I cannot make him not watch them. It goes according to his convictions and what God is working with him on.
As a mother I try to be submissive and consult my husband in all decisions right down to making out the grocery list. We try to have open lines of communication, but there are sometimes that it doesn't work out that way. We don't argue in front of the kids. We are fair with each other and with the children. I try to be patient with the children, though I will admit this can be challenging. I stay home with them, so I run the house. My husband helps where he can, but overall the home front is my stage. I clean and cook and do the laundry. I try to teach the kids to be nice to each other, to use manners. It is hard sometimes when you are at a playground and other children aren't being nice, or using manners. Your kids see this and often asks why it is okay for the other kids to be that way and not for them. It is frustrating when you have older kids who ask for cell phones and newer and better electronics. We just don't feel like paying over $500 dollars on something that they don't really need it beneficial. We would rather use that money on a family vacation.
Neither my husband and I grew up with all the gadgets. The first VCR brought into my house was my senior year in high school. We had to game systems. I learned at an early age to appreciate being outside, reading books, and using my imagination. We had rotary telephones with the spiral cord. We didn't have remote control televisions, the cable box was manual. My husband went to work at an early age.
Because of this we both learned early that hard work gets you the rewards you want. That your manners and work ethic will go a lot further than the amount of material things you have. And it is our hope that our children will grow into God fearing individuals who will be leaders in the community and the church.
I struggle with the amount of time put into actually reading my Bible. I struggle finding the balance between what needs to be done, reading a book I want to read,and reading my Bible. I am praying hard for guidance from God on how to be a better, wife, mother, sister, and daughter. On how better to be involved in church. PWOC is a great fit for me. It is bringing me to the edge of my box and encouraging me to step out of it.
The part of this passage that scares me is where it states that a vine that doesn't bear fruit withers and is cast out and burned. To me that signifies Hell, a place I don't want to be and I don't want my family there either.
John 15:12 This is my commandment, that you love one another as much as I have loved you.
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Trial Run: Thursday
I made it to Thursday, exactly one week ago my hubby went on emergency leave. Today I was fixated on the air planes that fly over us to and from the nearby airport. I was watching them come in and imagining how it will feel to be standing in the airport waiting on my very handsome man. It reminded me of March 2010, which is the last time he went to Mexico. I remember the night he came home, and how I saw him coming down the escalator with his hand in his pocket. My breath was taken away by the sight. Another time was when we had taken his mom to the airport to catch a flight home, due to her not speaking English he got a pass to walk her back and when he returned again my breath was taken away.
I am imaging a video of the kids screaming out "Poppy", but it probably will happen so fast that I can't properly catch the moment. I can't wait to hear his voice, to touch his arm, to let him drive the van home. He is such a huge part of our lives, and tomorrow night the void will be filled.
Now that I have the kids in bed, I can focus on this post and then I am going to watch a movie I recorded earlier in the week.
PWOC was so much fun today. I volunteered to help out in the home school room and there were 31 personalities of all different ages. At first I was overwhelmed as I looked at all of those young faces, but once the other lady came in I felt more at ease. It was basically just helping them do their school work, getting them a snack and a bathroom break before their Bible Study. It was some redirecting and a cuddle and some encouragement and even some listening. It was a true blessing to be able to stand in for someone and be with so many amazing young people. The other Aid was an Art Teacher and a Gym Teacher before coming here. She was really calm and collected and very focused. After hanging out with the kids, I went to my class. There were stories of how women should build each other up and not tear each other down. How we need to be more respectful of each woman's choice of parenting, whether it be breastfeeding or formula feeding. Same goes for cloth diaper and a host of other examples. We shared our stories of how we have been made to feel about our choices. We also discussed if we had felt more welcomed in the Military world verses the Civilian world.
My take on that was, when we lived off post in an apartment, yes I did. After all that is how I met fellow blogger Coffee Matters. Her and my friend named A brought my husband and I lemon bread. The banana bread recipe that I use is from her blog. It is www.caffeinatedarmywife.com. She is my go to baking advice friend. A is my support friend. She called me every day two years ago when my husband was deployed. But back to the support, since being on post I have met very few of my neighbors, most don't even wave back when you wave at them. It's odd to me because we are all from different places and we are all going through similar situations, so why not reach out to each other? I pray that God will help me to reach out to them that each time I wave that his love will shine through.
My son's therapy was a success, no toddler meltdowns from my daughter. A quiet afternoon was spent at home between PWOC and Therapy. I am fairly certain that Javier the Chihuahua is becoming my little doggie. He has been following me around everywhere. He is even beside me right now as I type this up. This is him from a few nights ago. I like having him around. I cant wait to hear him bark and to see him show some real personality.
I am imaging a video of the kids screaming out "Poppy", but it probably will happen so fast that I can't properly catch the moment. I can't wait to hear his voice, to touch his arm, to let him drive the van home. He is such a huge part of our lives, and tomorrow night the void will be filled.
Now that I have the kids in bed, I can focus on this post and then I am going to watch a movie I recorded earlier in the week.
PWOC was so much fun today. I volunteered to help out in the home school room and there were 31 personalities of all different ages. At first I was overwhelmed as I looked at all of those young faces, but once the other lady came in I felt more at ease. It was basically just helping them do their school work, getting them a snack and a bathroom break before their Bible Study. It was some redirecting and a cuddle and some encouragement and even some listening. It was a true blessing to be able to stand in for someone and be with so many amazing young people. The other Aid was an Art Teacher and a Gym Teacher before coming here. She was really calm and collected and very focused. After hanging out with the kids, I went to my class. There were stories of how women should build each other up and not tear each other down. How we need to be more respectful of each woman's choice of parenting, whether it be breastfeeding or formula feeding. Same goes for cloth diaper and a host of other examples. We shared our stories of how we have been made to feel about our choices. We also discussed if we had felt more welcomed in the Military world verses the Civilian world.
My take on that was, when we lived off post in an apartment, yes I did. After all that is how I met fellow blogger Coffee Matters. Her and my friend named A brought my husband and I lemon bread. The banana bread recipe that I use is from her blog. It is www.caffeinatedarmywife.com. She is my go to baking advice friend. A is my support friend. She called me every day two years ago when my husband was deployed. But back to the support, since being on post I have met very few of my neighbors, most don't even wave back when you wave at them. It's odd to me because we are all from different places and we are all going through similar situations, so why not reach out to each other? I pray that God will help me to reach out to them that each time I wave that his love will shine through.
My son's therapy was a success, no toddler meltdowns from my daughter. A quiet afternoon was spent at home between PWOC and Therapy. I am fairly certain that Javier the Chihuahua is becoming my little doggie. He has been following me around everywhere. He is even beside me right now as I type this up. This is him from a few nights ago. I like having him around. I cant wait to hear him bark and to see him show some real personality.
I did get to talk to the husband, and tomorrow he will be here. I am excited. Tonight's supper was taco bell. I was having some mild issues eating that with my soft filling even with not chewing on that side of my mouth. No major pain.
I hope that when the husband gets back, I can keep up the kids get a bath every night, floors swept and mopped every night and work on my blog routine. It seems like it is harder to keep the house clean when the husband and kids are in it. It is also hard for me to carve out time for myself. I have already marked on my calendar that Wednesdays and Fridays are for school work only. I am going to try to keep those days morning appointment free.
Be blessed in all that you do
Ruth 1:16) But Ruth said: "Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following after you; For wherever you lodge, I will lodge, Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God: 17) Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried, The Lord do so to me, and more also if anything but death parts you and me.
Trial Run: Wednesday
Hump Day is over! Today was the much anticipated root canal. The day that I was afraid to face. I faced it like a trooper and walked out of the procedure triumphant. The dental assistant is a fellow military spouse, and we chatted while the antiseptics numbed my gums and the side of my face. When the dentist did the shot, I didn't even know at first what was happening. He did it so smoothly. The thing I liked the most was him explaining everything to me. He did not leave me in the dark about anything. He has an easy going manner and he makes a lot of jokes. I felt comfortable, well, considering he was doing a root canal, I felt comfortable enough. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to complete it and he had to refer me to a specialist. One of the roots is shaped funny, and he didn't want to do the procedure wrong. So I have a soft filling in the empty hole in my mouth. It throbs, but not bad. The family readiness leader was at my dentist today. It was so wonderful to see her, to know that she was backing me up. The Co-leader also messaged me. I felt blessed today. I felt God's Love all around me in so many ways.
While I was at the dentist my middle son had a small crisis, so I had to swing by the house, take him clothes, and while I was there I launched into the school nurse about issues that concern me, and she was able to get the teacher to call me back. We are now on the same page. Thanks to the Oil blend called Mommy's Time out, I made it through the root canal and the impromptu meeting at the school. I held onto the tiny bottle like it was a talisman, but it wasn't only the oil; I prayed hard the entire time, I have prayed hard for days now. God is my co pilot always. The silliest thing I did today, was to put the diapers for my daughter in my bag, and not in the diaper bag. Because of my little mistake, I ended up picking up my daughter an hour earlier than planned.
Again, the oils made it possible to get through the next part of my day. We came home I made my daughter lunch made a few phone calls and napped. Not for long, but long enough to feel somewhat better.
Supper was an epic fail. I was fairly certain I had a grasp of how to make Mexican noodles, but they didn't turn out at all. Neither kid would touch them, but they did love the cheese roll ups.
I took them for a run around the playground, but it was too cold, so they got cheeseburgers instead.
I settled for a Starbucks.
I came home and made banana bread for PWOC in the morning, and I attempted to make drop cookies, and those didn't turn out so well.
I broke down and called the husband today. I needed to hear his voice, I needed to plead for him to come home. Talking to him on the phone, I nearly cried. I couldn't get a grasp on his mood, and felt almost hurt. Earlier today when I came down our road I saw his car in front of the house where it has been since he left, but it gave me pause. It took my breath away. Today was a lonely day, a day of yearning and need. We skyped and it was wonderful to hear the excitement as they kids squealed when they saw him. He looks well, and happy, but I am quite certain he misses us. The thing I have learned in the last week, is that life does go on, and that it may feel like years, but really it is only days.
This man is the love of my life.
This morning the sun was out and it was warm, by this evening it was cold and the winds had picked up. I turned the heat on when the kids took a bath. I am not ready for the cold in the morning. I managed to give the kids a bath, do some baking and sweep and mop, there is very little pain. I am thankful to God for being with me, for taking away the worst of the pain.
You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth. You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again.
Psalm 71:20-21
While I was at the dentist my middle son had a small crisis, so I had to swing by the house, take him clothes, and while I was there I launched into the school nurse about issues that concern me, and she was able to get the teacher to call me back. We are now on the same page. Thanks to the Oil blend called Mommy's Time out, I made it through the root canal and the impromptu meeting at the school. I held onto the tiny bottle like it was a talisman, but it wasn't only the oil; I prayed hard the entire time, I have prayed hard for days now. God is my co pilot always. The silliest thing I did today, was to put the diapers for my daughter in my bag, and not in the diaper bag. Because of my little mistake, I ended up picking up my daughter an hour earlier than planned.
Again, the oils made it possible to get through the next part of my day. We came home I made my daughter lunch made a few phone calls and napped. Not for long, but long enough to feel somewhat better.
Supper was an epic fail. I was fairly certain I had a grasp of how to make Mexican noodles, but they didn't turn out at all. Neither kid would touch them, but they did love the cheese roll ups.
I took them for a run around the playground, but it was too cold, so they got cheeseburgers instead.
I settled for a Starbucks.
I came home and made banana bread for PWOC in the morning, and I attempted to make drop cookies, and those didn't turn out so well.
I broke down and called the husband today. I needed to hear his voice, I needed to plead for him to come home. Talking to him on the phone, I nearly cried. I couldn't get a grasp on his mood, and felt almost hurt. Earlier today when I came down our road I saw his car in front of the house where it has been since he left, but it gave me pause. It took my breath away. Today was a lonely day, a day of yearning and need. We skyped and it was wonderful to hear the excitement as they kids squealed when they saw him. He looks well, and happy, but I am quite certain he misses us. The thing I have learned in the last week, is that life does go on, and that it may feel like years, but really it is only days.
This man is the love of my life.
This morning the sun was out and it was warm, by this evening it was cold and the winds had picked up. I turned the heat on when the kids took a bath. I am not ready for the cold in the morning. I managed to give the kids a bath, do some baking and sweep and mop, there is very little pain. I am thankful to God for being with me, for taking away the worst of the pain.
You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth. You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again.
Psalm 71:20-21
My Valentine
I came across a contest on the Fort Bliss MWR FB page and decided to give it a go. The rules were really simple, just comment why you love your valentine, but you couldn't use the word love. The following is my response.
Six years ago I married a man I barely knew. Our baby boy was born soon after with medical issues. I watched this man who at the time barely spoke English go with my Dad who barely liked him an hour away to be with our son. They told us the first night would be the hardest. He stayed with our son the entire night. Two days later he returned to his job as a waiter. He worked twelve hour days and every night we drove that hour to see our son for an hour. We did this for three weeks. Not once did he complain of exhaustion. He is hardworking, and dedicated to our family. He never complains, he takes care of his parents when they need extra help. He is the moon and stars to our children. My rock and an example of how to be more humble, more patient, and understanding of all people regardless of race or social circumstances. I have watched him start at the bottom and work hard to correct his legal status and then immediately join the Army. But it took months, and not once did he give up. Through ESL, BCT, and AIT he fought to stay ahead and to be a good soldier. All of this to provide a good and stable life for his wife and kids. Every day with him is an adventure. He has taught me how to cook, to try new things, and step outside of my box.
Unbelievable to me, I actually won! The prize was a dinner for two at Texas Road House, A Texas Road House T-Shirt, a bag of peanuts, and sirloin seasoning. Imagine how happy the hubby will be we he returns home to this surprise.
Now I just put the way it was in my post, but as you may know, my husband and father are good friends now. My Dad says to anyone who asks, that watching my husband work and remain steadfast in visiting his son while he was in the hospital earned his respect. He says that my husband is a very handworker and a good family man, and that I better hold onto him. You better believe that I will hold onto him.
My husband will always be my Valentine, not just on February 14, but on every day of the year.
I am very thankful to the MWR and all that they do for Military Families.
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth-For your love is better than wine.
Song of Solomon 1:2
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Homemade Tortillas
When I first married my husband, I would shudder when people would ask me if I was making tortillas yet. I was terrified of future expectations. Up until December of last year, I hadn't really had any tortillas that were made at home. For Christmas, my In-Laws brought me the little contraption that is used in making the perfect tortillas.
I watch my mother-in-law put them out like a machine. Every morning for the entire wee that she was here she made them for breakfast. Now she had made a huge bowl of the mix, so it was really only patting them out and frying them. They have a thicker texture and they are almost sweet, but not really. Now when you fill them with cheese and chicken, they are mouth watering good.
My husband has assisted me in making the dough one time. The other time we made cheese roll ups we used the dough left over from his Mom's visit. I stood just off to the side because he said that I couldn't follow the directions on the Maseca bag and have them turn out correctly.
That is the first thing you will learn about my husband if you ever come to visit and he cooks for you. Directions give you and idea of how to make something, but you have to tweak them in order to make the food turn out correctly. You must also cook with love and want to do it or the food won't taste good. My husband can tell by the way the food looks if I am in a good mood or not. I try really hard to be peaceful when I cook, but it doesn't always work out that way.
Now with my husband being out of town, I decided this was the perfect time to give this a go. It is easier for me to try new recipes when he isn't around because the will take over, not to be mean, but because he is a natural cook, I am not. So I decided to boil some chicken and make refried beans, from a can, and open a can of corn and then with the homemade tortillas make chicken rollups with cheese. Dinner was a success, my kids loved it. I felt like a rock star for accomplishing this task.
To start with I put two cups of Maseca in a bowl, added two tablespoons of flour and I filled a cup with hot water. So first you need to mix the flour and the Maseca together. The flour is what makes the tortillas turn out fluffy. Add the water a little bit at a time. You need it to be a smooth consistency. Once you get it just right, you will know, as it will resemble my heading picture.
When you are ready to fry them you roll a palm sized ball out, place it on the tortilla thingy, or if you don't have one, you can use a cut open zip lock bag and a rolling pin. Basically you need them to be a flat circle.
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| step one place on bottom layer of plastic, this is a cut open produce bag |
step 2 place second layer of plastic over the mix
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| now either way, with this device, or without, this is how the mix should look |
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| I made my rollups with chicken and cheese, see it just takes a small amount. Now you just fold over using plastic and mash the edges together |
If you want rollups, once the mix is flat add just a little of your meat, cheese, whatever, and then fold over using the plastic and push the edges together then you fry it in a pan of hot oil.
Every year with my husband I have learned something new. It is nice to be able to cook foods that he grew up with.
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13
Mexican Hot chocolate
About five years ago I discovered this recipe in a Kroger coupon book honoring Mexican heritage. I immediately prepared it, but hubby really didn't take to it. My oldest son likes it, and my middle son will only very rarely drink it. I like to make it when it is really cold outside, or when I have a head cold. The cayenne pepper will really open you up.
Ingredients:
1/4 cup plus 2 tbs. sugar
1/4 cup plus 2 tbs. cocoa powder
1/8 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/8 cayenne pepper
1/4 cup hot water
4 cups milk
1/2 oz. high quality unsweetened chocolate finely chopped. (Optional)
Instructions:
In a medium sauce pan over medium-low heat, whisk together sugar, cocoa, salt, cinnamon, and cayenne with the hot water to make a paste. Slowly whisk in the milk. Heat the milk gently until it is steaming hot but not boiling. Whisk in the chopped chocolate, if using. Pour into mugs. Refrigerate any leftovers. Serves 4
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23:6
Trial Run: The first few days
On a Thursday in the wee hours of the morning, I watched my husband walk out our front door to his ride to the airport. A family emergency in his home country, Mexico, has called him away. I knew at that moment that I couldn't do the alone. My throat was sore, I was tired and I knew it was all going to go wrong. By Thursday afternoon, I knew I was correct.
The kids awoke like usual to just me. The difference being that their father's car was still parked in front of the house. I got my son off to school and my daughter ready for PWOC. I went there with a heavy heart. I wanted to so badly to fly my oldest son out here while my husband was away. But that wasn't to be. The first reason being that I couldn't get in touch with his dad, and the second reason being that the tickets were $800. In comparison, that was how much my husband paid to fly from El Paso to Mexico, and this would be Tennessee to El Paso. Sheesh highway robbery right there. But my daughter and I made it to PWOC and we made it with time to spare. Just as the study began my husband called to say that his plane had made it to Houston. I had a good time at the Bible Study then came home to work on school registration.
That afternoon my son had speech and occupational therapy. I am beginning to think that I can do this. I am putting it in my head as "Okay, I have today, tomorrow is Friday, then the weekend, the week will be normal" It is survival mode. I am planning a menu. But I lost my footing on the ledge of confidence as soon as we walked out of the therapy office. I am juggling my purse, a snack bag, a stroller, my son, my daughter who is sitting in the stroller, and why on earth I didn't buckle her I don't know, but anyway she jumps out of it and proceeds to run across the parking lot toward a car that is in the process of backing up. I am able to run and catch her and yell for the driver to stop. But I am shaking and my heart isn't beating normally. So we head to the store and I buy her a cute piggy back pack harness thing because I cannot loose her. I cannot keep up with her and I cannot get her to listen to me. Then we grab Taco Bell and come home. I make it through bath time, we give a very quick call to my husband, and then I make double chocolate muffins as if nothing in the world were off kilter.
As I am trying to fall asleep, I hear every single noise the kids make, the dog makes, the neighbors make. And then I begin to freeze. Always when my husband is not home I freeze. But I made it through the night. Waking to an even more sore throat. I have an appointment on this day. I have daycare for my daughter. I am in the process of getting us ready for the day, I take my son out to the bus and my sweet daughter locks the screen door behind me. I am in jeans a light T-Shirt, and flip flops and it is barely 40 degrees outside. Yes the sun is shinning, but that doesn't mean it is warm outside. I begin pounding on the screen, trying to get her to let me in. But she just holds up her princess dress up shoes and says shoe over and over. So in exasperation and the hope that maybe, just maybe I did not actually lock the back door after bringing the dog back inside I run around the building to my back yard. The neighbor's dogs are out and barking and there it is my back door locked. I bang on that door, but she can't undo the dead bolt. After a couple of minutes I run back to the front and screen is unlocked.
Now I am convinced that I am outnumbered. I am not so sure I can make it through. After all, Saturday is a free day. There is no church, there is no family fun day on post. It is me and two kids and a dog. I am very afraid. After my appointment I notice that it is only 9:30 and I have daycare until 11:30, you better believe I took advantage of that! I headed straight to the Starbucks, then I meandered through the aisles of the PX and stopped into the Dollar Tree to buy some little note books I needed. I rolled up at the daycare at 11:15 feeling much better than I had when I dropped of my little bundle of joy. I come home and fed her. Popped in a DVD and we both nap with the dog. Then I prep the nights chicken tenders and French fries and wait on my son to get home.
Once he is home we take the dog and go play at the park. It was a beautiful afternoon and with no need to have supper on the table early, I let them play for over an hour. They did well with the fatty dinner. I gave them corn in the hopes of making it a slightly more healthy meal. I then gave the kids a bath. Made them stay upstairs so I could have some much needed quiet time. I cleaned the downstairs bathroom, I washed and dried a load of towels. That load of towels is still in the dryer waiting to be put away. I swept and mopped. Then I went upstairs and put my extremely cranky daughter to bed and my son and I watched a movie together.
I woke up on Saturday feeling like I could drink a zillion gallons of water and a very scratchy throat. I had a plan. Post office, commissary, home, pick up dog, walk to dog park, maybe do the playground and then home. It went okay. First of all it took me forever to get motivated. We all were up at seven. But before I could get in the shower I decided that the entire upstairs needed to be cleaned. Then I vacuumed one side of the upstairs. Then I got the kids dressed, and finally at nearly nine I get a shower. While showering I was pondering the breakfast menu. Saturdays are pancake days. Not my strong point, I can make some mean pumpkin breads, but I can't make decent pancakes, not even with a box mix. So I decide that I will use my new heart shaped cookie cutters and make the kids pancakes. The pancakes were awful at best, but they were shaped like hearts. My daughter ate hers quickly, my son picked at his and finally when asked said that it was not good. Being the super stellar mommy that I am, I only ate the part of the pancakes that were left after making hearts.
So off we go and then my daughter shows her true colors and made sure that everyone was staring at us. Yes she was wearing her really cute piggy backpack, which she has now decided she hates because it restrains her, but throwing herself onto the floor is still an option and she chose that option. Naturally people are staring at the mommy who has this screaming child on the floor with a harness on. I made eye contact with each and every one of them. I made sure that they knew I knew that they were passing judgment on me, but it didn't change how I was going to handle this situation, not in the least. If you think it is easy to stand strong in the face of two-year old dramatics in the middle of a crowded Saturday Morning post office, you are wrong. But yet again, I survived! The commissary was a much easier and faster task.
Now it was time to tackle the dog park. I thought for sure this would be a breeze. I again put the piggy backpack on my daughter and she was okay with it as long as the tether part remained in the pocket of the piggy. My son was attempting to walk the dog, but they were extremely slow. My daughter prefers to sprint everywhere she goes. She does not take into account that sidewalks end in crosswalks or that the rest of the family is still a block behind us. So I tried to pull her back and this launched her into a huge tantrum. I finally got everyone back into a little cluster. I tried to pull the "I am leaving you here" Trick when she threw herself to the ground, but it didn't work, she had curled into a fetal position and was just peacefully soaking up the sun. In frustration I pick her up, and again we set off, but she is heavy so I put her down. Then we begin the dropping her feet out from under her game and I am holding her arm and struggling to keep her feet firmly planted on the ground. It was exhausting and frustrating, but we finally made it to the dog park. Our little dog sniffed at the big dogs through the fence, drank some water from his bowl, peed three times and laid down. Not once in the next thirty minutes did he get up. I ask my son if he wants to go to the playground and thankfully he says no.
Once home I make French fries (yes again!) and hamburgers, but I forgot to heat up the left over corn. Lunch was a success. Everyone, including the dog, loved my food.
I get most of the mess cleaned up, pop in a movie and proceed to take a light sleep nap for about an hour. When I wake up I move the van out of the garage and get the little power wheels dune buggy out for the kids to ride up and down the street. They also color with chalk. It was an easy hour or so of making the kids tired. My husband did call. It was nice to hear his voice and to know he was okay. I fed the kids hot dogs, leftover refried beans and corn. They ate it very well.
I made myself some spinach dip and chips and while I was eating, I made them watch cartoons. They ended up eating a bunch of chips. Then it was time to sweep and mop. I gave them a bath and we relaxed and then they went to bed and I ate some very yummy chocolate ice cream. But now it is late and I need to be in bed. Church tomorrow.
My brain is having a tug-a-war on the church decision. Part of it says that I should stay home and "rest" and part of it says I should go because that will kill half the day and my daughter will be in the nursery. That means one hour with my son where he can't talk to me. I know, I know, I sound like a horrible mother, not in the least bit thankful. But here I am alone with the kids, not many breaks and I know that this year this is the first of several times it will be like this. This is also the shortest amount of time I will be without my husband. I am thankful though. Two years ago I didn't cook at all. I have managed to pull of two successful meals so far. I know I can do this because all things are possible through Jesus Christ.
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4-6-7
The kids awoke like usual to just me. The difference being that their father's car was still parked in front of the house. I got my son off to school and my daughter ready for PWOC. I went there with a heavy heart. I wanted to so badly to fly my oldest son out here while my husband was away. But that wasn't to be. The first reason being that I couldn't get in touch with his dad, and the second reason being that the tickets were $800. In comparison, that was how much my husband paid to fly from El Paso to Mexico, and this would be Tennessee to El Paso. Sheesh highway robbery right there. But my daughter and I made it to PWOC and we made it with time to spare. Just as the study began my husband called to say that his plane had made it to Houston. I had a good time at the Bible Study then came home to work on school registration.
That afternoon my son had speech and occupational therapy. I am beginning to think that I can do this. I am putting it in my head as "Okay, I have today, tomorrow is Friday, then the weekend, the week will be normal" It is survival mode. I am planning a menu. But I lost my footing on the ledge of confidence as soon as we walked out of the therapy office. I am juggling my purse, a snack bag, a stroller, my son, my daughter who is sitting in the stroller, and why on earth I didn't buckle her I don't know, but anyway she jumps out of it and proceeds to run across the parking lot toward a car that is in the process of backing up. I am able to run and catch her and yell for the driver to stop. But I am shaking and my heart isn't beating normally. So we head to the store and I buy her a cute piggy back pack harness thing because I cannot loose her. I cannot keep up with her and I cannot get her to listen to me. Then we grab Taco Bell and come home. I make it through bath time, we give a very quick call to my husband, and then I make double chocolate muffins as if nothing in the world were off kilter.
As I am trying to fall asleep, I hear every single noise the kids make, the dog makes, the neighbors make. And then I begin to freeze. Always when my husband is not home I freeze. But I made it through the night. Waking to an even more sore throat. I have an appointment on this day. I have daycare for my daughter. I am in the process of getting us ready for the day, I take my son out to the bus and my sweet daughter locks the screen door behind me. I am in jeans a light T-Shirt, and flip flops and it is barely 40 degrees outside. Yes the sun is shinning, but that doesn't mean it is warm outside. I begin pounding on the screen, trying to get her to let me in. But she just holds up her princess dress up shoes and says shoe over and over. So in exasperation and the hope that maybe, just maybe I did not actually lock the back door after bringing the dog back inside I run around the building to my back yard. The neighbor's dogs are out and barking and there it is my back door locked. I bang on that door, but she can't undo the dead bolt. After a couple of minutes I run back to the front and screen is unlocked.
Now I am convinced that I am outnumbered. I am not so sure I can make it through. After all, Saturday is a free day. There is no church, there is no family fun day on post. It is me and two kids and a dog. I am very afraid. After my appointment I notice that it is only 9:30 and I have daycare until 11:30, you better believe I took advantage of that! I headed straight to the Starbucks, then I meandered through the aisles of the PX and stopped into the Dollar Tree to buy some little note books I needed. I rolled up at the daycare at 11:15 feeling much better than I had when I dropped of my little bundle of joy. I come home and fed her. Popped in a DVD and we both nap with the dog. Then I prep the nights chicken tenders and French fries and wait on my son to get home.
Once he is home we take the dog and go play at the park. It was a beautiful afternoon and with no need to have supper on the table early, I let them play for over an hour. They did well with the fatty dinner. I gave them corn in the hopes of making it a slightly more healthy meal. I then gave the kids a bath. Made them stay upstairs so I could have some much needed quiet time. I cleaned the downstairs bathroom, I washed and dried a load of towels. That load of towels is still in the dryer waiting to be put away. I swept and mopped. Then I went upstairs and put my extremely cranky daughter to bed and my son and I watched a movie together.
I woke up on Saturday feeling like I could drink a zillion gallons of water and a very scratchy throat. I had a plan. Post office, commissary, home, pick up dog, walk to dog park, maybe do the playground and then home. It went okay. First of all it took me forever to get motivated. We all were up at seven. But before I could get in the shower I decided that the entire upstairs needed to be cleaned. Then I vacuumed one side of the upstairs. Then I got the kids dressed, and finally at nearly nine I get a shower. While showering I was pondering the breakfast menu. Saturdays are pancake days. Not my strong point, I can make some mean pumpkin breads, but I can't make decent pancakes, not even with a box mix. So I decide that I will use my new heart shaped cookie cutters and make the kids pancakes. The pancakes were awful at best, but they were shaped like hearts. My daughter ate hers quickly, my son picked at his and finally when asked said that it was not good. Being the super stellar mommy that I am, I only ate the part of the pancakes that were left after making hearts.
So off we go and then my daughter shows her true colors and made sure that everyone was staring at us. Yes she was wearing her really cute piggy backpack, which she has now decided she hates because it restrains her, but throwing herself onto the floor is still an option and she chose that option. Naturally people are staring at the mommy who has this screaming child on the floor with a harness on. I made eye contact with each and every one of them. I made sure that they knew I knew that they were passing judgment on me, but it didn't change how I was going to handle this situation, not in the least. If you think it is easy to stand strong in the face of two-year old dramatics in the middle of a crowded Saturday Morning post office, you are wrong. But yet again, I survived! The commissary was a much easier and faster task.
Now it was time to tackle the dog park. I thought for sure this would be a breeze. I again put the piggy backpack on my daughter and she was okay with it as long as the tether part remained in the pocket of the piggy. My son was attempting to walk the dog, but they were extremely slow. My daughter prefers to sprint everywhere she goes. She does not take into account that sidewalks end in crosswalks or that the rest of the family is still a block behind us. So I tried to pull her back and this launched her into a huge tantrum. I finally got everyone back into a little cluster. I tried to pull the "I am leaving you here" Trick when she threw herself to the ground, but it didn't work, she had curled into a fetal position and was just peacefully soaking up the sun. In frustration I pick her up, and again we set off, but she is heavy so I put her down. Then we begin the dropping her feet out from under her game and I am holding her arm and struggling to keep her feet firmly planted on the ground. It was exhausting and frustrating, but we finally made it to the dog park. Our little dog sniffed at the big dogs through the fence, drank some water from his bowl, peed three times and laid down. Not once in the next thirty minutes did he get up. I ask my son if he wants to go to the playground and thankfully he says no.
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| Javier at the dog park |
Once home I make French fries (yes again!) and hamburgers, but I forgot to heat up the left over corn. Lunch was a success. Everyone, including the dog, loved my food.
I get most of the mess cleaned up, pop in a movie and proceed to take a light sleep nap for about an hour. When I wake up I move the van out of the garage and get the little power wheels dune buggy out for the kids to ride up and down the street. They also color with chalk. It was an easy hour or so of making the kids tired. My husband did call. It was nice to hear his voice and to know he was okay. I fed the kids hot dogs, leftover refried beans and corn. They ate it very well.
I made myself some spinach dip and chips and while I was eating, I made them watch cartoons. They ended up eating a bunch of chips. Then it was time to sweep and mop. I gave them a bath and we relaxed and then they went to bed and I ate some very yummy chocolate ice cream. But now it is late and I need to be in bed. Church tomorrow.
My brain is having a tug-a-war on the church decision. Part of it says that I should stay home and "rest" and part of it says I should go because that will kill half the day and my daughter will be in the nursery. That means one hour with my son where he can't talk to me. I know, I know, I sound like a horrible mother, not in the least bit thankful. But here I am alone with the kids, not many breaks and I know that this year this is the first of several times it will be like this. This is also the shortest amount of time I will be without my husband. I am thankful though. Two years ago I didn't cook at all. I have managed to pull of two successful meals so far. I know I can do this because all things are possible through Jesus Christ.
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4-6-7
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