For the second week in a row I am fairly certain I am hearing a message that God has for me. Things are kind of up in the air for us right now. We know for a certainty what is happening at the end of the year, we just don't know exactly the where and how exactly the kids and I will be affected. I have been praying, hubby is praying. I know what a tiny piece of my heart wants, but I also know that I am in a comfort zone.
I came to El Paso in March of 2012. To be exact we were here before Saint Patrick's day. I was newly pregnant, our son was on the cusp of beginning preschool and this was hubby's first duty station. I was terrified and angry. My oldest son was still in Tennessee. The following months spent in El Paso were not overly memorable. I was scared, hot, pregnant and anxious to get back home.
Being back home was a blessing in many ways and in other ways it was a tough lesson about true friendship and lack of support. Let it be said that I will never go back home when husband is deployed ever again. By the end of 2013 I couldn't wait to get back out to El Paso.
This time I embraced being here. I came with an open mind and let of my fears and stereotypes. My husband always jokes with me that no one is going to kidnap someone as old as me. But the point is that once I embraced being here things started falling into place. I haven't made a ton of new friends and one of my closest friends has moved, but I have found a place where I feel good.
PWOC was something I approached thinking okay this may not be for me. This may be something to try and then just go on doing my own thing. But it wasn't like MOPS, which was a place that after almost a year of going on and off. MOPS didn't call out to me, it didn't reach me deep down inside. In fact many of the times I was there I felt like an outsider. But one meeting with PWOC and I knew this is where I needed to be. This was a place where I could hear God's voice, and the people around me were filled with the spirit and his grace.
I can honestly say that after each meeting I walk away feeling fed. Not because there is always something yummy to eat, but because the messages are so powerful. The last two being about God's plan and growing where you are planted.
Things could still change, and I could still potentially find myself back in Tennessee living in my hometown for a year. But the more I pray the more messages I hear, I am beginning to think that this may not be happening.
I really enjoy being in our house on post. I love how big it is and how there is place for each of us to pull away and have quiet time. I love being in a neighborhood, I love being so close to everything. But I also really enjoy being in El Paso. Unlike many of the wives that I have encountered, I embrace the culture around me. I love hearing Spanish all around me.
The saddest thing for me it the racism displayed by fellow military wives. They have come to this place far from home and their comfort zone. Like me they were never used to being the minority. It is so different out here. But all they can see is a culture unlike theirs in their home country and they feel threatened by it and begin lashing out and saying hurtful things. They have a mental picture of how all of the locals are and they refuse to remove the cover from their eyes to see the locals as pretty cool individuals. Having lived off post for just over a year, I have spent a lot of time around the locals. My son goes to therapy in a place where myself and two other parents are the only English first speaking individuals. But we aren't treated differently. It just saddens me that people refuse to see the beauty and blessing of being surrounded by a different culture.
So I went to PWOC with this heavy on my heart. Having just read that unless you look Hispanic you can forget ever getting a job out here. It broke my heart that someone could be so callus and throw that out there. I get to PWOC and the speaker begins telling us about being all around the US and Germany and how she grew where she was planted.
I have grown here. I have found my place and comfort zone too. I really enjoy the weather, especially since Tennessee is finally thawing out after over two weeks of snow and ice. I like that my kids can learn Spanish right alongside English. I love the Mexican bakeries. I have found that the food out here has so much more flavor than back home. I even have my favorite taco place, and it was a good thing we moved on post because I wanted to eat there every single day.
So whatever happens at the end of the year. Wherever the kids and I end up, I know that we will be okay. I will be able to get our roots in the ground and we will grow strong. Even if it means we stay here, I will continue with PWOC. My new goal is to make more friends. To try and get to know my neighbors even though they hide behind their front doors.
Numbers 13: 30 Caleb quieted the people before Moses, and said, "Let us go up at once and take possession, for ewe are well able to overcome it."
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